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Ruined my Jeevan


Guest Paapi Kaur

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Guest Paapi Kaur

Wjkk Wjkf! 

I need spiritual enlightment sangat ji, 

A couple years back I was very much into sikhi. I never missed my nitnem, loved doing kirtan, had love towards all, etc. Then came the problems. I started talking to a very good singh in thoughts of getting married. He turned out to be not fit so i had to break it off. I feel as if I hurt a good singhs heart and I am at fault for it. He did not have any job/education and nothing was matching in our families. Then, as a rebound you can say I started talking to another singh as per marriage and we got married. He is more into worldly things as i ended up getting lasor hair removal on my face, arms, and legs. This went on for a year. Now he says dont take off your hair. Everything eventually grew back because of my hormones. 

Ever since meeting him and going toward the world I have not done nitnem. If i have once or twice it is not with the same love for mahraaj. I feel like a hypocrit. I am just not interested anymore and am into fashion and movies. 

Inside, I know this is wrong and I do ardaas to bring me back on the path. I even dont care to check if cake or anything has eggs or not. Ive fallen so much I dont think i can come back. I stopped wearing kirpan kachera n all but never took of my dastar because its just who I am now.

NOW i am trying to get back slowly. I am going to Pesh tomorrow hoping that mahraaj will have some sympathy on this paapi and my eyes will open. I have promised myself so far that i will keep my kakaars on, will be alert on the egg situation and hair removal. 

I just dont feel anything anymore. I use to cry in kirtan and had so much love. Now everything is irritating to me and i dont understand why. My heart knows its because of my bad actions.... can i get advice on what i can do to make my situation more understadable and better so i can get back on the path. /\

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/10/2016 at 1:05 PM, Guest Paapi Kaur said:

Wjkk Wjkf! 

 I need spiritual enlightment sangat ji, 

 hoping that mahraaj will have some sympathy on this paapi and my eyes will open.

 I just dont feel anything anymore. I use to cry in kirtan and had so much love. Now everything is irritating to me and i dont understand why. My heart knows its  because of my bad actions.... can i get advice on what i can do to make my situation more understadable and better so i can get back on the path. /\

You see, just as when the child is sick, it does not like taking the medicine, complaining that it is bitter, nevertheless, the mother makes the child taking it, as it is after all for the child´s good.

In a similar way, tell your mind, I know you are sick, so whether you like it or not, there is no way to cure you, except that for bhakti and devotion, I do not care if you enjoy it or not, so accept it peacefully, or I will give you double dose of it...

You see, if a gold ring falls in the filth, it value does not diminish, it just needs a cleaning/wash.

In a similar way, Wahiguru Akal Purukh, looks always at our surtee, our soul, which is His essence. He very well knows, that all the dirt is accumulated on the mind, but the soul is always His "ansh", for which He always looks mercifully for its return as soon as possible.

All our calamities are due to our own karmas, which we are prone to commit easily, but, His grace has also no limits, He has taught us to get rid of them, if that tool is  used properly.

The Bani beautifully says:

Prabh ka Simran, man kee mael jaae.

Prabh ka Simran, garb na baseh.

Kaur jee, never ever give up His devotion, no matter in which circumstances you may find yourself, whether we like it or not, as it is the only anchor for us to save our souls.

Sat Sree Akal.

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