Jump to content
Guest Question

Rishta problem

Recommended Posts

Guest Question

So a rishti wali had given my mother a potential match for me to go a visit, the girl ticks all the boxes in what we are looking for, she is tall, pretty, educated and her family are quite well off.

I went to meet her and the family along with my mother, father and two sisters and we thought the family came across nice, the mother of the daughter was a little over bearing but we just put it down to nerves, I had some "alone" time with the girl in the front room and I got to chat a little with her, she seems down to earth and is even more pretty in real life than on the photo, I must admit i do fancy her abit.

after the meet up my mother told the girls mum that we will let them know in a few days time but before that will be doing some check, the girl mum looked abit taken aback that we wanted to do checks but agreed.

anyway long story short, my mother has found out that the girl has an older sister that we were not told about and this sister has been gone from the family for over 10 years now. Apparently she has ran away from home and is own with a Muslim guy. The family hasn't seen her since but I'm not sure if this rishta is right?

i do like the girl but it's strange that her sister ran off, why did she run off, what if the girl is like her sister, I find it worrying that the family of the girl didn't tell us about there other daughter when we asked how many siblings the girl had, they never mentioned the oldest sister.

should we decline the rishta or should I give it the benefit of the doubt and go ahead with the rishta? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
Guest Jacfsing2

You haven't mentioned enough to actually judge to situation, did she run off while she was engaged? 

Just as a note, you can tell that the family doesn't approve of this, especially since they haven't met since her departure. Also judging someone based on what their family is, isn't the right way of going things: like I'm an Amritdhari and my family isn't. (Should I be judged that they haven't taken Amrit?)

If you trust her the person, go and say yes, if not say no, but don't waste everyone's time, (in most traditional Subcontinental Rishte you have to make the decision then and there, this family has already been lenient enough to wait long enough).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

(in most traditional Subcontinental Rishte you have to make the decision then and there, this family has already been lenient enough to wait long enough).

There and then? Says who? Don't be silly, that was like 30years ago, you can have time to decide, it's a decision that affects the rest of your life, and it would be stupid to expect to give an answer on the spot. Same goes for the girls side too. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If there's doubt, then bring this issue to an end amicably and without any form of tamasha. You don't have to burn your bridges.

An overbearing female presence was the first alarm. That type of woman usually unwittingly transfers her behavioural patterns to her daughters. If the girl you're interested in, through no fault of her own, believes that's the norm in all families you WILL be dominated and pushed around after marriage. Her initial docility and agreeable behaviour is standard procedure when hoping to attract a partner through the Punjabi engagement framework. It's a facade that will be discarded once the relationship has been solidified.

The missing sister admittedly is none of your business at this stage, but now that you know, it's another warning signal. Don't let your male brain lure you into something unsavoury because you find the girl attractive. Whilst it would be unfair to tar all siblings with the same brush due to the actions of one, you need to judge the situation in a manner that goes beyond, "She's fit so she's perfect in every way." Are you capable of adjudging a woman's relative strengths and weaknesses dispassionately? 

Hopefully you're strong enough to listen to those doubtful voices that moved you to create this topic, but something tells me you're hoping for replies to encourage you to go ahead with the engagement. I hope I'm wrong. 

Edited by MisterrSingh
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/18/2017 at 10:14 PM, Guest Question said:

So a rishti wali had given my mother a potential match for me to go a visit, the girl ticks all the boxes in what we are looking for, she is tall, pretty, educated and her family are quite well off.

I went to meet her and the family along with my mother, father and two sisters and we thought the family came across nice, the mother of the daughter was a little over bearing but we just put it down to nerves, I had some "alone" time with the girl in the front room and I got to chat a little with her, she seems down to earth and is even more pretty in real life than on the photo, I must admit i do fancy her abit.

after the meet up my mother told the girls mum that we will let them know in a few days time but before that will be doing some check, the girl mum looked abit taken aback that we wanted to do checks but agreed.

anyway long story short, my mother has found out that the girl has an older sister that we were not told about and this sister has been gone from the family for over 10 years now. Apparently she has ran away from home and is own with a Muslim guy. The family hasn't seen her since but I'm not sure if this rishta is right?

i do like the girl but it's strange that her sister ran off, why did she run off, what if the girl is like her sister, I find it worrying that the family of the girl didn't tell us about there other daughter when we asked how many siblings the girl had, they never mentioned the oldest sister.

should we decline the rishta or should I give it the benefit of the doubt and go ahead with the rishta? 

 

Where about is the location of this Ristha? 

The reason I ask is because if its from certain parts of Birmingham or Bradford I would stay clear. People from those parts have a bad reputation.Also you mention the older girl has run off.  Siblings tend to mimic each other and as the younger of the siblings she may have learnt bad traits from the older sibling such as dating around ect.  I cant say for certain that is the case but you must proceed with caution. It was also bad that they were not upfront with the older sibling. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jacfsing2
20 minutes ago, simran345 said:

There and then? Says who? Don't be silly, that was like 30years ago, you can have time to decide, it's a decision that affects the rest of your life, and it would be stupid to expect to give an answer on the spot. Same goes for the girls side too. 

😄 That was meant to be silly, (you can tell that I'm saying the truth since I'm straight-up). But what I will say is this and this is legit none of that joke 😑: you can live with someone your entire life and not know a single thing about them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

😄 That was meant to be silly, (you can tell that I'm saying the truth since I'm straight-up). But what I will say is this and this is legit none of that joke 😑: you can live with someone your entire life and not know a single thing about them.

That's true also. But as life goes on you do get to know them more, which is what happens mostly after marriage. Before, you will only know bits and bobs. 

@Jacfsing2, by the way, don't you ever sleep over there. When it's our day, you're online then. Chakkar ki a ? 😏

Edited by simran345
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jacfsing2
10 minutes ago, simran345 said:

@Jacfsing2, by the way, don't you ever sleep over there. When it's our day, you're online then. Chakkar ki a ? 😏

It's a little bit before Noon. (I have to wake-up early for college most of the time, so right now it's considered late morning for me).

13 minutes ago, simran345 said:

That's true also. But as life goes on you do get to know them more, which is what happens mostly after marriage. Before, you will only know bits and bobs. 

I agree, but sometimes there are times when I feel like I don't even know who I am. So forget anyone else, I feel like I know myself, but when I see people much better than me, (this isn't me being humble), I realize how little I know about myself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Jacfsing2 said:

It's a little bit before Noon. (I have to wake-up early for college most of the time, so right now it's considered late morning for me).

I agree, but sometimes there are times when I feel like I don't even know who I am. So forget anyone else, I feel like I know myself, but when I see people much better than me, (this isn't me being humble), I realize how little I know about myself.

What you about. Noon da lagda. Thought you was in USA? Which country are you in? 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jacfsing2
1 minute ago, simran345 said:

What you about. Noon da lagda. Thought you was in USA? Which country are you in? 

I am, for me it's around noon, (the official time in my area is around 8:00).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I agree, but sometimes there are times when I feel like I don't even know who I am. So forget anyone else, I feel like I know myself, but when I see people much better than me, (this isn't me being humble), I realize how little I know about myself.

Sounds like you have repressed homosexual tendencies aching to break through to the surface. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jacfsing2
2 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Sounds like you have repressed homosexual tendencies aching to break through to the surface. 

No, nothing like that. I'm talking about in a situation of sometimes viewing myself as this good person, but when I see the pure-hearts of others, it makes me understand how terrible I am. 😢 But no it's not related to my sexual orientation, or anything remotely related to sex, more on my personality.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 18/04/2017 at 10:14 PM, Guest Question said:

So a rishti wali had given my mother a potential match for me to go a visit, the girl ticks all the boxes in what we are looking for, she is tall, pretty, educated and her family are quite well off.

I went to meet her and the family along with my mother, father and two sisters and we thought the family came across nice, the mother of the daughter was a little over bearing but we just put it down to nerves, I had some "alone" time with the girl in the front room and I got to chat a little with her, she seems down to earth and is even more pretty in real life than on the photo, I must admit i do fancy her abit.

after the meet up my mother told the girls mum that we will let them know in a few days time but before that will be doing some check, the girl mum looked abit taken aback that we wanted to do checks but agreed.

anyway long story short, my mother has found out that the girl has an older sister that we were not told about and this sister has been gone from the family for over 10 years now. Apparently she has ran away from home and is own with a Muslim guy. The family hasn't seen her since but I'm not sure if this rishta is right?

i do like the girl but it's strange that her sister ran off, why did she run off, what if the girl is like her sister, I find it worrying that the family of the girl didn't tell us about there other daughter when we asked how many siblings the girl had, they never mentioned the oldest sister.

should we decline the rishta or should I give it the benefit of the doubt and go ahead with the rishta? 

If you don't want the rishta because of these doubts, move on.

There are plenty of other girls.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...



  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Yeah heard many variations of this sakhi. Do you know what the actual source is? The point I was making is, throughout ithiaas, when Maharaaj seeked to change something, especially as big of a sanskaar as this, things have been clearer. I just find it odd that there isn't any Bani with the Sakhi - and - that a marriage ceremony came up only at the time of Guru Ramdas Ji. Big gap. Something doesn't quite add up. Hmm possibly with regards to the Pandit, although Vedic Saloks whilst walking around a Gutka? Idk about that.   Nobody is fooling themselves. For some reason, and I don't actually know why, you want the fire to be representitive of Agni Devta. A fire can symbolise many things. Meanings and definitions change (as is the case for many things within Sikhi itself); it doesn't necessarily mean it's anthropomorphized or personified in the way you want it to be. This is the same level of reasoning people use to reject the use of jyot (and other practises in common) in Gurdwaras.   I've always said, that if Namdharis were normal Sikhs, they would be one of the most rehitvaan, shardavaan Sampardas we have. Their Maryada is solid and they have many good qualities which they put into practise. Plus their Nitnem is big. I've been to Bhaini Sahib and it's really quite a sight. They have this little building where non-stop Jaap/Simran has been going on since like the 1920s. SGGSJ was prakash in one of the buidings as well; was some kinda of triple Akhand Paath going on. And fyi Ajeet, they do believe in Amrit Sanchar and Panj Kakkar, however they don't wear the Kirpan - they were banned from keeping Shastar during Brit rule and for some unbeknownst reason continued to stay without them. They have kept many Puratan traditions going. It's a shame they've fallen in other areas. And before anyone says it, no I am not promoting Namdharis or letting their manmat views off.
    • If I started this topic why does it bother u ? U probably thought I worship radasoami thete are so many fake babe in sikhi to making up fake storylines and confusing khalsa panth  
    • Sacha Sauda fake guru rampal  asaram gurbachana nirankari radasoamii  there are over 15 radasoami deer with different  guru  
    • Bro im not radasoami or going to be im proud to be guru Nanak patshah sikh I don’t need to join any fake path I had this pangti in mind which could u not explain 🙏   
    • Mate,   did you ask sikhs permission or her families permission when you entered into a relatioship with her ? If you go to smagams and have such high respect for our Guru sahiban and bani - why dont you embrace Sikhi altogether ? Does the religion matter or are you overcome by lust ? Seems like the latter is more applicable in your case. Fruitcake
×

Important Information

Terms of Use