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Not Sardar Jokes : Stand-Up Comedy by Vikramjit Singh


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An indian origin guy goes for a job interview. Interviewer : "Can you please write your name in English on this paper?"   Interviewer : "Are you sure this is your name" Man : "Of course,

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man

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A farmer’s wife was terribly jealous.

Evening after evening she subjected her husband to a searching inspection.

When she would find even a single hair on his coat there would be a terrible scene.

One night she found nothing,  so she screamed now it’s a bald-headed woman.

 

                                                     ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The father of five children

 

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.

He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

Who is the most obedient? he asked

Who never talks back to mother?

Who does everything she says?

Five small voices answered in unison

Okay dad you get the toy .

 

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A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery

The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness.

He was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed.

Mr Smith you re going to be just fine said the nun gently patting his hand.

We do need to know however how you intend to pay for your stay here.

Are you covered by insurance?

No I m not the man whispered hoarsely.

Can you pay in cash? persisted the nun.

I m afraid I cannot Sister.

Well do you have any close relatives? the nun asked.

Just my sister in Mexico he volunteered.

But she is a humble spinster nun.

Oh I must correct you Mr Smith, Nuns are not spinsters.

They are married to God.

Wonderful said Mr Smith,

In that case

please send the bill to my brother-in-law .

 

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Heart Da Mareej

Ik Premi Ohdi Premika Nu: “Tainu Dekhde Hi Meri Nashaa Ch Khoon Dauran Lag Painda Hai,
Akhan Ch Ajeeb Jehi Garmi Aa Jaandi Hai,
Sara Sareer Kamban Ja Lag Jaanda Hai Te Mera Dil Jor Jor Di Dhadkada Hai.”
Premika: “Tu Taan Yaar, Lagda Koi Heart Da Mareej Takkar Geya Mainu.”
 
 

Falling in Love

Boyfriend Apni Girlfriend Nu “I Love You” Kehnda Hai Te Gir Painda Hai,
Girlfriend: Ae Tusi Ki Kar Rahe Ho?
Boyfriend: I am Falling in Love.

 

Ik  jyotish Wala Joke

Ik jyotish Pappu nu: Beta, Tere Ghar Ch Bhootni Da Saya Hai
Pappu: jyotish ji, main Tainu Bada Maranga, Je Meri Wife De Baare Kuch Boelya...
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A tale of "beggars" ....

 

In New York, two beggars were sitting side by side, one with "OM" sign and the other with "CROSS" sign.

People passing that area were giving dirty 😡 look to the beggar carrying the OM sign but giving a dollar to the one carrying the CROSS sign.

This was going on, when a father of a church was passing by and noticed this. He came to beggar who was carrying the OM sign and told him that you are in a country, where people follow Christianity.

You being a Hindu, will hardly get any alms.

Just to make you feel jealous and frustrated, people are giving dollars to your counterpart.

After the Father left, the beggar carrying the OM sign said the following in Gujarati to his counterpart:-

"Jignesh Bhai"?

"Yes Mansukh Bhai"

Now, this Father is trying to teach us how to do business.

:rofl:rofl:rofl

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An Islamic preacher  got into a  cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie :
'' Brother, Please Turn Off the radio, because as decreed by holy Q'uran, I must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western Music, which is the Music Of The Infidel......''


The cab driver Politely Switched Off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The preacher questioned him :
'' Brother, What are you doing.....???? ''


The Cabbie Answered Politely :
" In the time of the prophet there were :

No Taxis,
 No Bombs,
No Plane Hijacks,
No West Invented Loud Speakers in Mosques that woke Up newly born, Elderly And The Sick At Unearthly Hours,
_No Suicide Attacks,
 No RDX,
No AK 56,
ONLY  '' PEACE '' Everywhere...

So Shut Up , Get out And Wait For A Camel......."

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A Student who got 0% Marks, was surprised because his all answers were seemingly correct !
Read his answers and have a blast.

Q.1 - In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..

Ans. - In his Last Battle..

Q.2 - Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?

Ans. - At the Bottom of the Page..

Q.3 - What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..

Ans. - Marriage..

Q.4 - Ganga Flows in which State ?..

Ans. - Liquid State..

Q.5 - When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..

Ans.- On His Birthday..

Q.6 - How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..

Ans - By Preparing Mango Shake..!!

Q.7 - India Me saal bhar Sabse Zyada Baraf Kaha Girti Hai...???

Awesome Reply By Student :- "Daaru K Glass Me..."

Q. 8 - Why Hindu Law does not permit Second Marriage...???

Answer :
Indian Constitution - Article 20(2)-says, "No man can be punished twice for same offence"

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Job Interview.

 

OFFICER:- What is your name?

Manoj :-  M.P. sir

OFFICER:- In full please

Manoj :-  Manoj Pandey

OFFICER:- Your father's name?

Manoj:-  M.P. sir

OFFICER:- What does that mean?

Manoj:-  Madan Pandey

OFFICER:- Your native place?

Manoj:   M.P. sir

OFFICER:- What's that?

*Manoj:-  Madhya pradesh

OFFICER:- What is your qualification?

Manoj:-  M.P.

OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!!

Manoj:-  Matric Pass

OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?

Manoj:-   It is because of M.P. sir

OFFICER:   Meaning?

Manoj:-  Money Problem

OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time?

What's your  personality like?

Manoj:    MP sir.

OFFICER:   And what is that?

Manoj:-  Marvelous Personality

OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.

Manoj:-  Sir, how was M.P. sir?

OFFICER:- And what's that again?

Manoj:-   My Performance.

OFFICER:-  I think you have M.P.

Manoj:-   Meaning?

OFFICER:-  Mental Problem!!!
...
Don't laugh alone.
Send this to M.P. (Many People) 
to put a smile on their faces. 

I have sent this to u, because u are M.P. (My People).

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