Moving Out

[PranaamShaheedaNu]

WJKK WJKF

I recently got married, around 10 months ago, and my wife moved in with myself and my family. My family are religious to an extent but dad and bro are pagg wale with cut beards. The first few months of marriage were okay, from around April we have seen a lot of issues, such as :

 

1. "your wife doesn't do anything" ie when the mrs cooks and it isn't to my parents approval they won't eat it.

2. If we go out during the weekend / for dinner or social - we get told we are being disrespectful and that we have too much money for our own good. 

3. I've just decided to grow out my Dari and have it prakash- that's also been ridiculed.

Don't get me wrong every family has issues and every marriage has teething problems. We've had our ups and downs but the other week we got told quite viciously to leave the house as we were not wanted. So I adhered for myself and my wife a rented apartment etc. My question I guess is how would you have dealt with it ? It just feels as if the world and its dog is after us at the moment.

 

any suggestions / help is appreciated 

 

thanks 

 

WJKK WJKF

[dallysingh101]

12 minutes ago, PranaamShaheedaNu said:

WJKK WJKF

I recently got married, around 10 months ago, and my wife moved in with myself and my family. My family are religious to an extent but dad and bro are pagg wale with cut beards. The first few months of marriage were okay, from around April we have seen a lot of issues, such as :

 

1. "your wife doesn't do anything" ie when the mrs cooks and it isn't to my parents approval they won't eat it.

2. If we go out during the weekend / for dinner or social - we get told we are being disrespectful and that we have too much money for our own good. 

3. I've just decided to grow out my Dari and have it prakash- that's also been ridiculed.

Don't get me wrong every family has issues and every marriage has teething problems. We've had our ups and downs but the other week we got told quite viciously to leave the house as we were not wanted. So I adhered for myself and my wife a rented apartment etc. My question I guess is how would you have dealt with it ? It just feels as if the world and its dog is after us at the moment.

 

any suggestions / help is appreciated 

 

thanks 

 

WJKK WJKF

They say familiarity breeds contempt, and absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I think when the type of scenarios you mention get started, they can either 1) die down or 2) get worse and worse and more volatile, leaving deep emotional scars all around (and sometimes a permanent breakdown in relations).

If you've been explicitly told to leave, I'd take that as more than a 'subtle hint'. If you go (or have gone), there may be a period of alienation between you and your parents. But over time (like when you have children),  the dynamic of the relationship may change for the better. 

These things are more common than you may imagine. There is something strange about Panjabi parents (esp. mother-in-laws) in this respect. You have to negotiate all that. Don't worry, the world is not against you. 

[superkaur]

I would say it takes time to adjust you cant expect everything to be as it was since you have a new family member come into the household. Just as when you have kids things will change again as good and bad times will arise over different issues with kids messing around and making noise,etc.

So just explain to your wife and your parents that everyone needs to adjust because things dont stay the same, everything in life changes and you have to adapt.

As for moving out, I think if you can then that would be the ideal thing to do as it gives your family space to be themselves and also you and your wife to have time and privacy to yourselves too. But financial constraints will be the hardest thing  with rising rents and cost of living so you just gotta decide how you want things.

[singhbj singh]

58 minutes ago, PranaamShaheedaNu said:

WJKK WJKF

I recently got married, around 10 months ago, and my wife moved in with myself and my family. My family are religious to an extent but dad and bro are pagg wale with cut beards. The first few months of marriage were okay, from around April we have seen a lot of issues, such as :

 

1. "your wife doesn't do anything" ie when the mrs cooks and it isn't to my parents approval they won't eat it.

2. If we go out during the weekend / for dinner or social - we get told we are being disrespectful and that we have too much money for our own good. 

3. I've just decided to grow out my Dari and have it prakash- that's also been ridiculed.

Don't get me wrong every family has issues and every marriage has teething problems. We've had our ups and downs but the other week we got told quite viciously to leave the house as we were not wanted. So I adhered for myself and my wife a rented apartment etc. My question I guess is how would you have dealt with it ? It just feels as if the world and its dog is after us at the moment.

 

any suggestions / help is appreciated 

 

thanks 

 

WJKK WJKF

Waheguru ji ka khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki fateh 

Consider it a blessing rather than a curse.

It is better to part ways when parents have different principles & regressive mindset.

Wealth is nothing compared to peace of mind, freedom & self respect.

See how your parents made money so will you over a period of time. In fact you have far better chance to be successful compared to your immigrant folks.

Have faith in Akalpurakh

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa 

Waheguru ji ki Fateh