Daaj/dowry question

[Guest whatamagonnado]

Wjkk Wjkf everyone,

I married a girl from India and sponsored her to Canada. A year and a half later her sister is getting married. They want to give all sorts of things to the groom's family for marriage. To me this smells too much of dowry and I am not a fan of it. The groom is not requesting anything, but my wife's sister and family want to give a ton of things anyway including Sofa's, bedset, TV, washing machine and maybe more. I'm not really familiar with marriage customs in India, so I need help.

Everyone is an amridhari sikh. I am 100% against dowry, and thought my wife's family was too.  When I asked my wife she said we only want to help my sister as much as possible. Make her life easy over there. And that this is not dowry, simply helping. 

I'm confused. Is this dowry? It seems to me they are giving all these gifts just to make the grooms family happy. Or are they just innocently making the brides after-marriage life easier? 

Please respond asap.Thanks

[Ranjeet01]

1 hour ago, Guest whatamagonnado said:

Wjkk Wjkf everyone,

I married a girl from India and sponsored her to Canada. A year and a half later her sister is getting married. They want to give all sorts of things to the groom's family for marriage. To me this smells too much of dowry and I am not a fan of it. The groom is not requesting anything, but my wife's sister and family want to give a ton of things anyway including Sofa's, bedset, TV, washing machine and maybe more. I'm not really familiar with marriage customs in India, so I need help.

Everyone is an amridhari sikh. I am 100% against dowry, and thought my wife's family was too.  When I asked my wife she said we only want to help my sister as much as possible. Make her life easy over there. And that this is not dowry, simply helping. 

I'm confused. Is this dowry? It seems to me they are giving all these gifts just to make the grooms family happy. Or are they just innocently making the brides after-marriage life easier? 

Please respond asap.Thanks

It is dowry by any other name.

Your final paragraph,  all the above. Do they want to make the brides life easier - yes. Do they want to make the groom's family happy - yes. Could they be using this as a way of currying other favours in the future - possibly.

Should you express your disatisfaction regarding this - you can possibly tell your wife that you might not be happy with this.

However , the caveat is her Indian thinking might think that you are jealous because your sandu is getting cash and prizes and you and your family got diddly squat. 

You cannot stop your in-laws giving cash and prizes but if you express your disatisfaction it may not be well received or appreciated. 

[MisterrSingh]

Yes, I'd like to echo the above suggestion that your objection might be interpreted as envy on your part. Tread carefully.