Jump to content

emergency advice - Breaking off Engagement


Big_Tera
 Share

Recommended Posts

How common is it to break of an engagement?

To cut a long story short. I am in India currently  I rushed into a marriage. at the time I was 100% certain of the marriage. But looking back I did not take enough time when considering the marriage. 

I also did not even speak to the girl. Anyways I have found out she might have skin problem on her hands. 

What should I do. I am in the usual situation. Of letting everyone down again. 

If I break it off. But wont it be a bigger tging If I break it off after the marriage. 

I am being pressured into it. 

Help

Currently I have gone through with the Shagun. The marriage is tommorow. 

All preparations are in place for the marriage tommorow. I made it quite clear I do not wanna go through. But was given the usual black mail treatment. 

Of making the girls side angry. And causing big problems.  Ie 

I just feel it will better if I break it off now. As it will be 100 times worse if I break it off after the wedding. 

I am not sure how the engagement system worka out in india. I have heard some say that its common to break of the marriage after the engagment(shagun) if you find out that ypu dont like the family or if you find something out you dont like. 

Obviously being from the uk and marrying someone from I India. I have to be 100% sure. 

At the moment everyone seems so happy. I think the only way of dealing with this. Is doing a runner and not turning up at the marriage. I dont want to destroy this girls life. 

I mean its going cause problems for everyone if I break it off at this stage. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Big_Tera said:

How common is it to break of an engagement?

To cut a long story short. I am in India currently  I rushed into a marriage. at the time I was 100% certain of the marriage. But looking back I did not take enough time when considering the marriage. 

I also did not even speak to the girl. Anyways I have found out she might have skin problem on her hands. 

What should I do. I am in the usual situation. Of letting everyone down again. 

If I break it off. But wont it be a bigger tging If I break it off after the marriage. 

I am being pressured into it. 

Help

Currently I have gone through with the Shagun. The marriage is tommorow. 

All preparations are in place for the marriage tommorow. I made it quite clear I do not wanna go through. But was given the usual black mail treatment. 

Of making the girls side angry. And causing big problems.  Ie 

I just feel it will better if I break it off now. As it will be 100 times worse if I break it off after the wedding. 

I am not sure how the engagement system worka out in india. I have heard some say that its common to break of the marriage after the engagment(shagun) if you find out that ypu dont like the family or if you find something out you dont like. 

Obviously being from the uk and marrying someone from I India. I have to be 100% sure. 

At the moment everyone seems so happy. I think the only way of dealing with this. Is doing a runner and not turning up at the marriage. I dont want to destroy this girls life. 

I mean its going cause problems for everyone if I break it off at this stage. 

talk about leaving it to the last minute you cannot anything now without harming her family's image and herself , she can get treatment for skin conditions easily. you are being a total  twit where's your compassion and just what were you paying attention to?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Big_Tera said:

I also did not even speak to the girl. Anyways I have found out she might have skin problem on her hands. 

Not speaking to the girl was the biggest mistake. Why didn’t you speak to her? Anyways, moving onto the skin problem. She might have you wrote, but you don’t know the skin condition. There’s like 10 common skin conditions, which have different treatments and affect daily life differently. So, that’s hardly an excuse to back out, as nobody is perfect and each person is bound to have some sort of imperfection or minor problem. If it’s not a major problem that wasn’t disclosed then you shouldn’t let it get in the way, if you can accept it. 

But now you’re probably asleep. 

55 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

talk about leaving it to the last minute you cannot anything now without harming her family's image and herself , she can get treatment for skin conditions easily. you are being a total  twit where's your compassion and just what were you paying attention to?

Agree with penji. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Big_Tera said:

I am being pressured into it. 

Help

Currently I have gone through with the Shagun. The marriage is tommorow. 

All preparations are in place for the marriage tommorow. I made it quite clear I do not wanna go through. But was given the usual black mail treatment. 

 

So it sounds you’re not ready for this marriage. I honestly don’t know what to say, but things do happen quickly after the shagun in India, as you’re visiting from abroad and time is limited. How did the families arrange it so quick ? Booking venue, caterers buying outfits, etc. You need about a few days to do all that, not like overnight ?. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use