Is 18/19 too young to get engaged

[Guest Marriage]

I think I found the girl I want but I don't know whether getting engaged at 18 is a good idea. We are ready to get married and everything is all good but getting married so young and she's at uni so how will it work 

[Guest A Bee Cee]

Ask yourself don't you have a dream in your life to be someone as in Further Education. Simple question to ask yourself.

[ipledgeblue]

Most people cannot control their kaam and vikaars and grihast jeevan would greatly help them in their teens. Most people who say they are not ready at 18 are lying, speaking chooth, as they are making casual partners of girlfriend boyfriend.

Look at the example of puraatan gursikhs and our Guru jis, and see the ages they married. To get married at your age you have an advantage. Alot of sikhs are causing destructive behaviours within the community due to putting off marriage until late 20s and even much later. The money making mentality has put sikhs away from gurmatt mentality.

At your younger age, you will have a chance to grow with your partner into adulthood. Most people these days waste this growing up with casual partners. And those that get married later have grown older and independent minded, causing many women to not gel properly with in-laws, and also just couples having differing viewpoints etc etc

[Guest Sat]

On 6/21/2018 at 11:04 PM, Guest Marriage said:

I think I found the girl I want but I don't know whether getting engaged at 18 is a good idea. We are ready to get married and everything is all good but getting married so young and she's at uni so how will it work 

It's not too young. If you love her then marry her. If you don't love her yet then get to know her more and see if you do. 

 

Don't marry someone if not for love. 

[Akal Warrior]

On 6/30/2018 at 4:29 PM, ipledgeblue said:

Most people cannot control their kaam and vikaars and grihast jeevan would greatly help them in their teens. Most people who say they are not ready at 18 are lying, speaking chooth, as they are making casual partners of girlfriend boyfriend.

Look at the example of puraatan gursikhs and our Guru jis, and see the ages they married. To get married at your age you have an advantage. Alot of sikhs are causing destructive behaviours within the community due to putting off marriage until late 20s and even much later. The money making mentality has put sikhs away from gurmatt mentality.

At your younger age, you will have a chance to grow with your partner into adulthood. Most people these days waste this growing up with casual partners. And those that get married later have grown older and independent minded, causing many women to not gel properly with in-laws, and also just couples having differing viewpoints etc etc

Terrible terrible advice. Why are you talking about Puratan Gursikhs? Did Puratan Gursikhs go to university in order to work? This is not the olden days anymore. I would suggest that you refrain from getting married so young and get to know the person. You are quite young, and I promise you that promised you that your thinking will change over the next few years, and so will your partner's. I have seen too many people get married young and barely any of them end up staying married. Please don't take this terrible advice above. This isn't a fantasy world (ie. Puratan times)... I think that you are just infatuated with this person and want to get married and hoping that everything will work out, but in reality people change, thinking changes, and you don't want to get caught in a tough situation (for example.. Divorce). 

What are you going to do when you are married and are going to University and stressed out, and begin having arguments with your spouse etc...? What if that destroys When if that destroys your relationship? TOO YOUNG! 

[S1ngh]

Yes. Too young.

[ipledgeblue]

On 7/6/2018 at 8:03 PM, Akal Warrior said:

Terrible terrible advice. Why are you talking about Puratan Gursikhs? Did Puratan Gursikhs go to university in order to work? This is not the olden days anymore. I would suggest that you refrain from getting married so young and get to know the person. You are quite young, and I promise you that promised you that your thinking will change over the next few years, and so will your partner's. I have seen too many people get married young and barely any of them end up staying married. Please don't take this terrible advice above. This isn't a fantasy world (ie. Puratan times)... I think that you are just infatuated with this person and want to get married and hoping that everything will work out, but in reality people change, thinking changes, and you don't want to get caught in a tough situation (for example.. Divorce). 

What are you going to do when you are married and are going to University and stressed out, and begin having arguments with your spouse etc...? What if that destroys When if that destroys your relationship? TOO YOUNG! 

too young, have you seen the alternatives of girlfriend boyfriends? I have seen amrit dharis getting into this disgraceful culture, and also getting stressed out because of it.

It's not a fantasy world, but just like puraatan times people are still stuck in maya. Just like puraatan times, in jawani age the kaam vikaar is really high. Please show me how many sikhs and amrit dharis are in control and not in control in their teens and early 20s due to non-marriage? 

The fact is even if they have arguments, they are young and have parents and in-laws to get involved and be explained to.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

If u do decide to get engaged. Make it a year long engagement. Where its long distance mostly. No meeting up. So just txt, skype.

This should let u know if youre compatible.

Then get married in your 20s. And treat it as dating for the first few years. They say most ppl r getting married so late in 28 etc. That they have to get kids before they hit the 30s. As increased maternal.age leads to down syndrome etc. 

That couples dont get to spend time with each other without kids. So u giys can still go to seoerate universities. And then maybe just visit on holidays. And go traveling ummer vacation.

If u do get married. You have to realize you will have to spend 50 years with this person. And u shoukd do it with the understanding that no matter what happens. Can not divorce her.

You think yiu found the right person. Wat if u think wrong? Wat do u know of marriage to judge who is right? 

Maybe give ur parents a year to find someone else better? 

[Singh559]

I think trend of getting married later in life is bad for Sikhs. Our TFR is already stunted in Punjab, which is at around 1.5, which is exterimination levels at the current rate we're headed at. We will become a minority in Punjab and in the west even Amritdhari folk are starting to get later in life prioritizing maya and career over family values.

Going off my relative auntie (won't list specific rista relation) got married to uncle when they were young. One is an engineer and other is a specialist Dr and went to a med school here in the States. 

 

Whether it's a bad trend or not, what is true and what most will hide, is that most Amritdhari folk will end up dating. Imo that's not a good trend because it distracts a person. There's no way to get rid of that energy unless you have a lot of kamayi so marriage is a good way to change direction of energy towards building a life and a family. You can focus on helping community.

 

Getting married earlier and having more kids will be important for Sikhs both in Punjab (and states outside of Punjab) and in the diaspora. 

[Guest GuestSingh]

It is now but for our elders it didn't seem much of a problem mainly because they were more mature at younger ages & forced to make sacrifices to make it work - cheap & sleazy western culture & lifestyle has really affected the mental growth of young boys & girls by some years imo.

We need to tell the younger generations that no matter how much money we make, we'll always be slaves in the west with assets/savings always going down the drain on taxes etc. unless they're wise enough to find a balance & spend more of it on charity/aid projects e.g. EducatePanjab / Khalsa Seva.

Young couples could reduce sexual grooming too.

A mature Sikh couple with little money but several kids who practice Sikhi seems to return a greater investment than a couple weak in faith and number of children but plenty of money to spend on them for education and continue the cycle.