I want to cut my hair.

[Guest Anonymous9089]

So I’m in grade 6 without a patka but I have a rumal. I live in Australia and have my whole life so kids here are getting aware of Sikhs but most don’t know I am (due to me not wearing a patka or paag). My mum wasn’t very pushy for me to wear a patka but my grandpa was. Now people are saying to my mum “your son is in grade 6 and still doesn’t wear anything to cover his head” (those people are from my gurudwara and culturel community. Once people said that, my mum has pushed me to do something harder than anything before in my life. I’ve got a cousin and a brother who both have cut their hair. Now everyone is getting to me and all I think about now is wearing a patka and paag. To be honest, that’s not the type of person I am. I guess it’s just that my mum doesn’t understand that people in Australia are cruel and judge strictly of people. But I need your help. I can’t stand what would happen if I was direct with my mum. (I think she has a hint that I want to cut my hair but I haven’t said it Cleary so she avoids that problem) I’m just scared my grandpa and mum won’t really accept who I want to be. Plz help?

[Wicked Warrior]

You want to cut your hair because you're worried about what others think. That means you are insecure inside. Cutting your hair won't give you confidence. It'll show everyone that you're a coward*. 

Even if you cut your hair, you will be different. If you're not white, you will still be picked on because of the colour of your skin. Or because you're not wearing the "right" clothes. Or that you live in one area but not another. Or that you have a good upbringing. Or a bad one.

People are always cruel and judgmental. That's human nature and, whether you cut your hair or not, that's what you will have to learn to deal with throughout your whole life. 

I learned to tie a pagh when I was 10. It was a bit weird at first but I quickly got used to it. Now, I'd rather wear a pagh and walk around naked than have no pagh but have clothes on. That's how important it has become to me over time. Not overnight. Not over a week, or a month or a year. 

I went to secondary school wearing a pagh. I wore it at college. I wore it in medical school. I wear it now as a doctor** in front of patients. No one says anything to me. In fact, no one has said anything to me since at least I was 14-15. But you have to be strong inside. Otherwise, it doesn't matter whether you cut your hair or not, everyone will see you as weak and inferior. 

 

* I'm not saying you're a coward but giving in to others for something like this is an act of cowardice

** I don't say I'm a doctor to show off but to demonstrate that keeping your hair and wearing a pagh will not affect your ability to be successful in life. 

 

[Damdamitaksaal84]

As wicked warrior said cutting your hair will show to others that you are insecure and a coward. Many shaheed singhs gave their lives for kesh such as bhai Tauru singh we read it in Ardaas everyday the sahibzaade gave their lives for us to keep our kesh and be proud of who we are. The bibia in mir mannus jail gave their babies for us so we can keep our kesh. They are countless shaheeds that have given their lives so that Sikhs now can keep their kesh and be proud of who they are.

[Guest Anonymous9089]

23 hours ago, Damdamitaksaal84 said:

As wicked warrior said cutting your hair will show to others that you are insecure and a coward. Many shaheed singhs gave their lives for kesh such as bhai Tauru singh we read it in Ardaas everyday the sahibzaade gave their lives for us to keep our kesh and be proud of who we are. The bibia in mir mannus jail gave their babies for us so we can keep our kesh. They are countless shaheeds that have given their lives so that Sikhs now can keep their kesh and be proud of who they are.

It’s not that I’m insecure about it, it’s more so that I don’t want this identity personally. I don’t mind wearing a patka, it’s just that I don’t like it to be part of my identity. Obviously I can choose what I want to do in life but I’m too scared that what I would do will hurt my parents or grandparents. And also the history you’re talking about, I had and have no clue what ur on about. I am Sikh born and raised but I don’t go to gurudwara regularly. I’ll go once in the blue moon and that’s why I’m have no clue about kesh history.

[Guest Anonymous9089]

On 8/22/2018 at 3:45 AM, Wicked Warrior said:

You want to cut your hair because you're worried about what others think. That means you are insecure inside. Cutting your hair won't give you confidence. It'll show everyone that you're a coward*. 

Even if you cut your hair, you will be different. If you're not white, you will still be picked on because of the colour of your skin. Or because you're not wearing the "right" clothes. Or that you live in one area but not another. Or that you have a good upbringing. Or a bad one.

People are always cruel and judgmental. That's human nature and, whether you cut your hair or not, that's what you will have to learn to deal with throughout your whole life. 

I learned to tie a pagh when I was 10. It was a bit weird at first but I quickly got used to it. Now, I'd rather wear a pagh and walk around naked than have no pagh but have clothes on. That's how important it has become to me over time. Not overnight. Not over a week, or a month or a year. 

I went to secondary school wearing a pagh. I wore it at college. I wore it in medical school. I wear it now as a doctor** in front of patients. No one says anything to me. In fact, no one has said anything to me since at least I was 14-15. But you have to be strong inside. Otherwise, it doesn't matter whether you cut your hair or not, everyone will see you as weak and inferior. 

 

* I'm not saying you're a coward but giving in to others for something like this is an act of cowardice

** I don't say I'm a doctor to show off but to demonstrate that keeping your hair and wearing a pagh will not affect your ability to be successful in life. 

 

I completely get where you’re coming from but the problem is (as I said to the other comment), I would rather live without a patka because I find doing my hair and washing it, drying it very time consuming. Its not that I don’t believe in  Sikhism, it’s that I would like to live my own way. Having longer hair than most people makes me stand out (which I don’t mind) but I also feel very upset from inside because this is not how I want to live my life. As I said in the base forum, I need help with trying to tell my family I want to cut my hair. I really admire you’re advice though!

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh]

If you want to cut your hair you should. Keeping Kes has to mean something for you inside. If it doesn't than you are deluding yourself and others here telling you to keep it are deluding themselves if they think they can change your thinking into their thinking. My advice to you then is to take time to read up on what it means to be a Sikh. Give it a go but if you still feel it's not right for you personally than you should do whatever you feel is right and the rest of us should respect that decision. 

You see, some here are telling you to keep your hair because we Sikhs don't worry or care about what 'others' may think but in the same sentence the are telling you to not cut your hair because 'others' will see you as a coward. Life is like that. It's full of moral dilemmas, contradictions and even hypocrisy. The only important thing for you should be you and your relationship with Guru ji. Examine that personal relationship and your own conscience / soul will tell you what decision you should make. None of us here have any business telling you that what's right for us MUST also be right for you.

[Guest Anonymous9089]

On 8/25/2018 at 5:13 PM, Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh said:

If you want to cut your hair you should. Keeping Kes has to mean something for you inside. If it doesn't than you are deluding yourself and others here telling you to keep it are deluding themselves if they think they can change your thinking into their thinking. My advice to you then is to take time to read up on what it means to be a Sikh. Give it a go but if you still feel it's not right for you personally than you should do whatever you feel is right and the rest of us should respect that decision. 

You see, some here are telling you to keep your hair because we Sikhs don't worry or care about what 'others' may think but in the same sentence the are telling you to not cut your hair because 'others' will see you as a coward. Life is like that. It's full of moral dilemmas, contradictions and even hypocrisy. The only important thing for you should be you and your relationship with Guru ji. Examine that personal relationship and your own conscience / soul will tell you what decision you should make. None of us here have any business telling you that what's right for us MUST also be right for you.

Yeah I definitely agree with everything u say. It’s just that I’ve seen how devestated my mum was when my brother cut his hair, so I’m not sure how I should break it down to her. I believe in Sikhism but I honestly can’t do everything the Gurbani says. My dad and my uncles and some family members drink alcohol (on special events). I don’t see the gurbani saying we r allowed to drink. So I don’t think I should have to follow every rule either. (U also have to remember I’m not Baptised.) :). Thanks for ur input though! 

[Guest Guest]

If you don't have a gursikh role model, you should become that role model for others. You shouldn't be looking at the hypocrisy of others and following them. I just think you aren't able to accept this as a part of your identity because you don't really know much about sikhi and as a result don't have pride in our identity, which our ancestors died to stand by and protect. I used to be in the same position as you as a kid and realized how foolish it was for me to be thinking such a way, I would recommend you discover yourself and find a sense of pride in your heritage.