35 year old. Anxious. Worried. Lonely.

[Guest TrtingToBeGood]

I'm finding it hard to type but I am forcing myself. I'm thinking this is a dumb idea but I know how important sangat is now,especially because I have no friends. 

I hope you don't find this post boring. I am sorry ahead of time if you do. 

I suffer from anxiety. I can't tell you what type it is. Everyday is mental and emotional torture. It feels as if someone is taking my brain and heart and twisting it like a wet cloth. I also feel the need to be accepted and validated by others. I also have a very, very low self esteem.

I'm a 30 something loner who goes to work and comes home to his wife and child. I don't have a social life. I'm sometimes socially awkward and have a hard time making friends. I find it difficult to trust people. I have memories of being sexually molested by my father when I was young. I told my family and there has been a bad communication break down. I believe based on the responses they do not believe me. A lot of the issues I face today come from that experience I sincerely believe. 

I used to think my identity and happiness would come from my career and I set out to do what I always enjoyed. While I started it I am happy to do it but I am overall the same mess.

I started to read the SGSS in English. My Punjabi is weak and Gurmukhi non existent but I am finding the English translation helpful. I wish I could remember more of it after reading. I try to listen to simran in the car on those long drives. 

I guess I'm posting to be involved and have more sangat. I am being selfish here. But I am a nice guy. I'm a little boy trapped inside a man's body. Just trying to find his way. I'm a little lost. I need someone to take my hand. Sometimes that's how I feel. I'm embarrassed to say that because I am a father and husband. 

I look at others and feel bad about myself. I think I should have things figured out but I don't. I'm just a lost boy. 

 

 

[GuestKaur2]

VJKK VJKF

16 hours ago, Guest TrtingToBeGood said:

especially because I have no friends. 

You have a friend, Vaheguru is your eternal friend and nobody can change that.

16 hours ago, Guest TrtingToBeGood said:

I hope you don't find this post boring. I am sorry ahead of time if you do.

Not at all...

16 hours ago, Guest TrtingToBeGood said:

I suffer from anxiety. I can't tell you what type it is. Everyday is mental and emotional torture. It feels as if someone is taking my brain and heart and twisting it like a wet cloth. I also feel the need to be accepted and validated by others. I also have a very, very low self esteem.

I can feel your pain from your post, the truth is that you don't need to be accepted by any mortal because Vaheguru already accepts you. Even if no human can feel your cry for help, Vaheguru can feel exactly what you are feeling. Call out to Him, He will definitely answer. Do an ardaas, tell all your feelings to Vaheguru.

16 hours ago, Guest TrtingToBeGood said:

I'm a 30 something loner who goes to work and comes home to his wife and child. I don't have a social life. I'm sometimes socially awkward and have a hard time making friends. I find it difficult to trust people. I have memories of being sexually molested by my father when I was young. I told my family and there has been a bad communication break down. I believe based on the responses they do not believe me. A lot of the issues I face today come from that experience I sincerely believe. 

I used to think my identity and happiness would come from my career and I set out to do what I always enjoyed. While I started it I am happy to do it but I am overall the same mess.

Its such a shame that nobody believes you. You can trust Vaheguru even if you can't trust anyone else. Punjabi famlies are the worst about asking their kids whats wrong. 

16 hours ago, Guest TrtingToBeGood said:

I started to read the SGSS in English. My Punjabi is weak and Gurmukhi non existent but I am finding the English translation helpful. I wish I could remember more of it after reading. I try to listen to simran in the car on those long drives. 

I guess I'm posting to be involved and have more sangat. I am being selfish here. But I am a nice guy. I'm a little boy trapped inside a man's body. Just trying to find his way. I'm a little lost. I need someone to take my hand. Sometimes that's how I feel. I'm embarrassed to say that because I am a father and husband. 

I look at others and feel bad about myself. I think I should have things figured out but I don't. I'm just a lost boy. 

You are no doubt a great person, carry on praying and reading the translations. Vaheguru will take your hand, you may be a father youreslf but you are still a son to Vaheguru.

VJKK VJKF

[RajKaregaKhalsa1]

16 hours ago, Guest TrtingToBeGood said:

I'm finding it hard to type but I am forcing myself. I'm thinking this is a dumb idea but I know how important sangat is now,especially because I have no friends. 

I hope you don't find this post boring. I am sorry ahead of time if you do. 

I think it is very brave of you to actually tell us your story. I don't know much but I think it would be good to go Gurudwara and make some friends there. 

[GuestKaur2]

VJKK VJKF

9 minutes ago, RajKaregaKhalsa1 said:

I think it is very brave of you to actually tell us your story. I don't know much but I think it would be good to go Gurudwara and make some friends there. 

Yes.. The sangat is here for you OP.

VJKK VJKF

[MrDoaba]

2 hours ago, GuestKaur2 said:

VJKK VJKF

Yes.. The sangat is here for you OP.

VJKK VJKF

VJKK VJKF,

Fateh di saanjh pao...VJKK VJKF. Ik vaari pher bulao VJKK VJKF. Gajj ke...VJK......

 

VJKK VJKF!

P.S. VJKK VJKF

[puzzled]

Hello

Have you seen a doctor for your anxiety? I had really bad anxiety and i finally convinced myself to go and see my doctor and he gave me medication for it and it helped, i know its not for everyone but if your anxiety is taking over your life then perhaps you need help.

Start going Gurdwara regularly and get to know the regular sangat ...

your brave for opening up, not many men can do that, a lot of men have problems but don't open up about it

you can always make a account on here if you want ... 

[Guest jigsawed]

I never go near anxiety pills they got bad effects and u end up hooked. 

[GuestKaur2]

VJKK VJKF

7 hours ago, MrDoaba said:

VJKK VJKF,

Fateh di saanjh pao...VJKK VJKF. Ik vaari pher bulao VJKK VJKF. Gajj ke...VJK......

 

VJKK VJKF!

P.S. VJKK VJKF

VJKK VJKF!

VJKK VJKF

VJKK VJKF

Kini vaari hor? 

VJKK VJKF

[Guest TryingToBeGood]

Thanks for the replies. 

Punjabi families are hard to talk to. They care about reputation, respect and image in the community. When I talked to my people in my family the first primary concern was what would others thing and say or do. It did not even cross their mind what was going on with ME. That was a gut wrenching moment ..... I realized I am on my own when it comes to family affairs and these issues.

Sorry to make it all about me. I appreciate the words from members here and their thoughts.

Mental health conversations need to happen in our community. My heart goes out to people who cannot say anything out of fear of what others will think. This is really sad that people are living with that much pain DAILY and feel helpless. 

Waheguru.

[Guest puzzledtoo]

Look at the bright side,at least you have a wife and a child.I recommend you find a hobby or join a social club/association.I understand the feeling of being lost and wishing someone could guide you but that rarely happens so you have to be proactive and take charge of your own life.You might be thinking...easy to say,hard to implement.True,but if you don't start somewhere you're going to end up nowhere.I recommend you read 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson.It helped me wake up from my slumber and make the necessary sacrifices to change my life.