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How to keep a future nooh under control who thinks she's some kinda princess but is infact poor af ?


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Guest lolgirl

Really, no idea why you're marrying her. Don't you have better things to do in life. For example NOT go into debt for a wedding. And no relationships are hard as it is, this is will not get better. After marriage you will expend more time and energy in drama

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Guest Petty games
On 9/30/2018 at 2:12 PM, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

I won't take it far , because I know having elderly parents its gonna boomerang back at me . Kal klesh at home only ruins family , nothing productive.

I am seriously wondering about the nature of this girl ! My family is going through a tough financial times. And even I myself will be taking a bit of loan to support my own marriage , a loan for which I will paying back for atleast 2 yrs ! 

Meanwhile, the girls family and her lazyasss parents are doing ZILCH ! the girl told her parents not to even give her a bit of gold for her ears. So much of "tyaag" nature for her parents lol . And when my dad told her day before yesterday that we're not thinking of doing earrings for her , it seemed she took it as an insult or affront and she did what she usually does : cheap play ! Find some random quote on sharechat that remote resembles her "plight" with us and put it as her watsapp status . 

I as usual out of concern asked "who taunted u as such" and then she out of her cheap games "someone my own" . I wondered who that someone was . I felt it must be ofcourse my parents only , but I didn't express it to her and my way of asking sounded more of concern to which she replied "I will tell you ji when the right time comes. What is there to hide from you". Anyways when i confronted her over the phone , she said "its nothing". What do you make out of it ? running away in the corner when u don't have the guts to speak ur mind out and act out your chaudhar. 

I wanted to test waters further and uploaded a pic of me and my mom as watsapp status . For some really strange reason , she too put a pic of her with her parents . I have noticed she always feel like doing whatver I am doing just for the heck of it. So I uploaded a status saying "some ppl put status just to imitate" and she asked "what is this" . (Notice me and her tone of asking). Then she put 2 -3 more statuses b*tching how "ppl throw her emotions after utilizing her" , "I hate fake ppl , fake relationships" and such kinda third grader crapp ! I too replied back "what is this" , "what is this" to all of those. she remained silent. Finally my mom confronted her . She didn't call again whole day. So much of arrogance I guess. 

And ppl will still say I am wicked and she's a saint coz gender ! 

Sounds like a really fun relationship. All the txting back and forth. And tryin to do up one another. 

You will have an excitement filled, jazzed up life.

All the stuff, that she supposedly did to u sounds really petty.

She seems like a copy cat, junior high girl. If i were u. I would not take her seriously.

Be a man and ignore her petty insults, if she notices they dont affect you. She will stop. Even if she doeant stop. If u dont let it afdect u then who cares. 

If its possibke to stop the marriage then u can. But i bet, its too late now. 

The best way to control ur wife is to have the financial situation under ur own hand. Then the only recourse she has is petty things like watsapp statuses, or talking to her parents or sulking. If u ignore all of these. Then u good, then she has no control over u. But is she can rile u up, then she gonna play more games.

Just keep an eye on how ur mom treats her and how she treats ur mom and dad. Other then that, let her do whatever. As long as she does her duties, u should not mind if she talks to her parents, or complains on watsapp. All.women need an outlet. Dont stifle her. 

Also give her alittle money for her enjoyment. Personal expenses besides household/groceries. As long as she dont overspend, treat ut parents bad, and dont cheat. Leave her alone. Shes doing good enough for a stranger and a woman. 

Dont get involved in her petty games. Theyre for woman.  Or do get involved but treat it as a joke. Stop being so angry and stressed. U dont want health issues. 

Treat life as joke and fun. You only have abt 40 years left. Enjoy them 

Also when ur married, its gonna get worse. She gonna complain abt ur mom and otber minor things. While ur mom gonna complain abt her.

U gonna be stuck in middle. Dont take sides. Laugh it off. Or just say, i will talk to her. Then ignore it. Women just need to vent and be listened to most times. No need for solution. Unless its injustice. 

Also, if i were u. I would have fun with it. Act like ur in love with her and ahes so beautiful. Lol. Also say things like, you look so sweet, i could never imagine u coukd think such a thing. Or be so materialistic. I dont believe it. This is not you. Someone put u up to this. Please go back to being my pure innocent girl. 

Lol..have fun with it. Stop stressing. Or yiu will get heart attack at young age. Men r more prone to heart attack then women. 

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Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi
On 10/1/2018 at 4:40 PM, Guest puzzledtoo said:

No point getting in debt for a marriage that most probably won't last long.Looks like there is no love or intention to get married to lead a Gursikh lifestyle by either parties.Use that loan money to upgrade your family's financial situation.Maybe start up a business?You will be in a much better and stronger position if you are financially stable.If you haven't taken the loan,forget it.

why do you think this marriage won't work or last long ?

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Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi
On 10/5/2018 at 4:20 AM, Guest Petty games said:

Sounds like a really fun relationship. All the txting back and forth. And tryin to do up one another. 

You will have an excitement filled, jazzed up life.

All the stuff, that she supposedly did to u sounds really petty.

She seems like a copy cat, junior high girl. If i were u. I would not take her seriously.

Be a man and ignore her petty insults, if she notices they dont affect you. She will stop. Even if she doeant stop. If u dont let it afdect u then who cares. 

If its possibke to stop the marriage then u can. But i bet, its too late now. 

The best way to control ur wife is to have the financial situation under ur own hand. Then the only recourse she has is petty things like watsapp statuses, or talking to her parents or sulking. If u ignore all of these. Then u good, then she has no control over u. But is she can rile u up, then she gonna play more games.

Just keep an eye on how ur mom treats her and how she treats ur mom and dad. Other then that, let her do whatever. As long as she does her duties, u should not mind if she talks to her parents, or complains on watsapp. All.women need an outlet. Dont stifle her. 

Also give her alittle money for her enjoyment. Personal expenses besides household/groceries. As long as she dont overspend, treat ut parents bad, and dont cheat. Leave her alone. Shes doing good enough for a stranger and a woman. 

Dont get involved in her petty games. Theyre for woman.  Or do get involved but treat it as a joke. Stop being so angry and stressed. U dont want health issues. 

Treat life as joke and fun. You only have abt 40 years left. Enjoy them 

Also when ur married, its gonna get worse. She gonna complain abt ur mom and otber minor things. While ur mom gonna complain abt her.

U gonna be stuck in middle. Dont take sides. Laugh it off. Or just say, i will talk to her. Then ignore it. Women just need to vent and be listened to most times. No need for solution. Unless its injustice. 

Also, if i were u. I would have fun with it. Act like ur in love with her and ahes so beautiful. Lol. Also say things like, you look so sweet, i could never imagine u coukd think such a thing. Or be so materialistic. I dont believe it. This is not you. Someone put u up to this. Please go back to being my pure innocent girl. 

Lol..have fun with it. Stop stressing. Or yiu will get heart attack at young age. Men r more prone to heart attack then women. 

WOW ! best and most practical answer. 

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On 9/29/2018 at 4:27 PM, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

The only reason I am marrying her is because I wasn't getting rishta elsewhere for god-knows-what reason. 

 

Maybe you should try and do a little soul searching and figure out why you weren't getting any rishte, oh wait, maybe it's because you have a mindset where you'll more than happily air your dirty laundry on a public forum where the main topics of conversation circle around Sikhi.

Having read all your post's all i can say is don't get married, not to this girl or any girl until you pull you head out of your rear end and grow up.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest guest 1023

Sounds like you and your bebe baapu are the ones playing games AjeetSinghPunjabi. 

1. Girl is poor af. Girl tells own parents not to waste valuable money on jewellery because (a) they are poor af (b) she might not have a shaunk in decking herself in jewellery so despite it being her wedding has no interest in it (possibly due to being poor af) (c) brought up with Sikhi thinking - simple living - not following superstitions or traditions.

2. You and your family follow superstitions and trends and have in your way rightly so bought gold. Why you are showing her how much you have bought before marriage I do not know - is this a new trend?

3. In her mind she is probably secretly happy and excited that she will have gold as obviously she is from a poor af family, and they have presumeably and wisely chosen not to spend beyond their means (THIS INCLUDES NOT BUYING YOU A KADA BEFORE MARRIAGE)

4. You and bebe baapu are upset that you've bought her gold in happiness but have not had the same amount or gesture returned. So baapu goes to her dad and says "you aren't buying her earrings so we're not giving earrings either".

5. Girl is upset. (a) she's a greedy dog and really wanted a pair of earrings from your baapu. (b) she's seeing how petty you and bebe baapu are being.

What her parents give her is only their business - before and after marriage. 

(c) Maybe shes realised she has been wise to not get any gold from her parents as you and bebe baapu will likely ask her to hand it all over for 'safe storage' straight after the doli as a means of controlling her and preventing this poor af girl from leaving. 

All this other phone and status business to me is just immature. It's both of you failing to address the real issues and instead manifesting into this childish play for attention. 

In general, good advice from guest petty games...it looks like petty games aren't just played by women but you and bebe baapu too though so vent out on here or somewhere else.

To add to the advice - discuss your concerns with the girl and hopefully she should too. In the end you both want to get married and have a nice life so focus on getting there.

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Guest London jwaan
On 9/29/2018 at 1:33 PM, jkvlondon said:

my mum and dad only called my husband beta after we had engagement in front of Guru ji , so it's no biggie and frankly think if you have been acting in a way that makes them feel less than calm, friendly and relaxed ? Just because they are poor it doesn't mean you are some kind of special person thus the disrespect they are due to be your parents too, the English have a phrase 'There but for the Grace of God, go I' which is very apt here , it just takes a small thing to reduce kings into beggars just go talk to Aurangzeb's waaris .and vice versa .

Frankly if you cannot keep sikh attitude of treating all parents in this relationship equally respected then I can understand why the in-laws have fears for the future. You want to be the big boss and yet gripe like a child about everything , it's simple marry the girl simply in front of Guru ji if you are truly sincere . If not , don't mess her and her folks about . Marriage is not a business transaction , sikhs don't sell or buy their children . Yes she sounds like an unwilling bride, but sorry to say so do you ; are so sure you are not projecting you own attitude onto to her ?

So what if you are munde waale , I have three sons and I would never behave as if that makes me something special . The girl and Boy have their own karams and their own joint life , which they need to be grown up enough to take responsibility for . The only worry I have is that they have sikhi as their cornerstone in their lives every thing else  comes with work from their own elbow.

You have a weird fantasy life where your wife is supposed to exist in a bubble of your making , isolated from her parents, siblings and friends , not complain, just be infintely compliant to your every whim . The way you describe it , is like the gunde hubby from a serial who browbeats his long suffering wife at every turn. You don't want a wife you want a maid/beard and you feel your behaviour is justified - it really is not . If you want love and respect , try sending it out to them first.

 

Jkv can you please refrain from turning everything into a militant feminist response and trying to justify everything with your perfect Brazilian family ?

However, your total lack of intellect and constant labeling of every male and in laws as wide beaters is extremely tiresome, not to mention wholly idiotic.

Waheguru JI ka Khalsa, Waheguru JI ki fateh

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On ‎9‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 4:27 PM, AjeetSinghPunjabi said:

So this girl I am getting married by end of this year , I have already said in previous threads that she sometimes betray some kinda condescending attitude .

My mom is very joyous of my marriage , and my parents are debt ridden on buying her gold when infact her lazy parents aren't doing anything at all. We were surprised to know that my fiance asked her parents to not even give her earrings in marriage . What kind of retarded person does such "bad-shagne"(bad omen) things ? I don't get it . There's a saying in punjabi "meri dhee kano bujhi ni jaaegi" (my daughter will not go without earrings in her ears ) . I don't know what kind of woman she is that wanna come her saure with no gold in her ears and what kind of parents that have agreed to do this to her.

Anyways , they're poor af and are illiterate villagers . So we always excused their nonsense primitive behavior . We always focused on the girl because she's gonna come in our house. 

My mom has never done typical mother-in-law rude behavior to her , but my future-wife always has reservations , as if we're waiting to pounce on her with discrimination and second class behavior. Despite showing her golden bangles , and golden haar we're gonna get for her, her parents never agreed to give me even a golden kada and we're ok with it , but on top of that this ***** thinks she's <banned word filter activated> .

The only reason I am marrying her is because I wasn't getting rishta elsewhere for god-knows-what reason. 

Also apparently she always keep singing "bebe baapu" and glorifying her parents, now thats ok but you don't have to do it 24 7 on watsapp status. I feel its directed at me , to prepare me a submissive son-in-law for future. My foot ! 

Her father has never called me "beta" once and neither has her mother. My mom always call her "beta".  Rather when her dad asks "how is everything?" and I reply "good" , her father says "it should be good only" . as if we're trying to pounce one her with discrimination and zulm once she's here. My parents never had the "we're from the boys side" attitude that punjabi ceremonies usually have, rather ironicaly its her parents and her who display such behavior. 

How do I keep her under control and in my fear once I am married ? I am totally loosing cool with her  and her idiotic parents and my parents share this sentiment too. 

you cant show someone gold, and expect them to dance for you

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Guest AjeetSinghPunjabi
On 10/30/2018 at 3:10 AM, Guest London jwaan said:

However, your total lack of intellect and constant labeling of every male and in laws as wide beaters is extremely tiresome, not to mention wholly idiotic.

 

exactly ! 

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