Daughter is turning her back on Sikhi

[Guest Maha Paapi]

We have tried to bring up our children in the right way. Encouraging them to read Paath, recite Mool Mantar, attend Gurudwara and so much more.

Over time my 13 year old  has become more and more distant from Sikhi. Refusing to read from Gutka, never doing Mool Mantar, saying she doesn’t want to go to the Gurudwara. 

We have never forced it upon her and have tried to calmly discuss this with her however she just seems to be getting worse. 

I can not explain how heartbroken I feel, I sit alone and reflect on my shortcomings as a parent and can not help but blame myself for being a bad parent. It’s so so sad to see, my one wish was that my children would love and respect the Guru. I tried to do it by example too.

Please, if anyone else has similar experience or can share any advice or guidance please reply. Thank you.

 

 

[Guest stwentyPanj]

I think its the parents.. If they live a good Gursikh life and talk about Sikhi in high terms maybe as well then their children also keep hair and more but if the parents dont live it up I think then their kids dont usually get too into Sikhi.

I encourage you to maybe do something like tell her to listen to this all http://www.gurunanakacademy.com/audio.php?q=f&f=%2FEnglish+Katha%2FBhai+Parminder+Singh+Ji and then there will be a quiz or something and if you pass you will buy her a new phone or Nintendo.

When she reads Bani make sure everyone in the room is focused and her mind is not wandering. Maybe even start very small like one sentence or even a word asking her what it means as long as she has dyaan.

[Guest Kaur]

Shes entering puberty shes probably at high school and influrenced by non-sikh environments and friends. Just be patient.... And try this approach

Stop teaching her how to be a khalsa sikh start teaching her how to be a sikh nationalist who has love and pride for sikhi. She too young to care or understand fully meanings about religious spiritual stuff in gurbani.

Teach her sikh history instead how sikhs struggled to stay alive. The glories of sikh empire and sikh sacrifices. How muslims, christians invaders to punjab tried to wipe sikhs of the map but sikhs won in the end to stay alive and grow stronger. Teach her the only religion waheguru will accept is sikhi and other paths will lead her to soul to torture afterlife. Teach her the importance of finding a good sikh guy for marriage

These are the basic things you need to teach your offspring so that they realise sikhi is special is unique and worth studying and fighting for.

[Guest Maha Paapi]

4 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

Shes entering puberty shes probably at high school and influrenced by non-sikh environments and friends. Just be patient.... And try this approach

Stop teaching her how to be a khalsa sikh start teaching her how to be a sikh nationalist who has love and pride for sikhi. She too young to care or understand fully meanings about religious spiritual stuff in gurbani.

Teach her sikh history instead how sikhs struggled to stay alive. The glories of sikh empire and sikh sacrifices. How muslims, christians invaders to punjab tried to wipe sikhs of the map but sikhs won in the end to stay alive and grow stronger. Teach her the only religion waheguru will accept is sikhi and other paths will lead her to soul to torture afterlife. Teach her the importance of finding a good sikh guy for marriage

These are the basic things you need to teach your offspring so that they realise sikhi is special is unique and worth studying and fighting for.

Thank you Bhenji. That is so very useful. I will try that. Appreciate your support.

[GuestKaur2]

On 3 October 2018 at 11:22 PM, Guest Maha Paapi said:

We have tried to bring up our children in the right way. Encouraging them to read Paath, recite Mool Mantar, attend Gurudwara and so much more.

Over time my 13 year old  has become more and more distant from Sikhi. Refusing to read from Gutka, never doing Mool Mantar, saying she doesn’t want to go to the Gurudwara. 

We have never forced it upon her and have tried to calmly discuss this with her however she just seems to be getting worse. 

I can not explain how heartbroken I feel, I sit alone and reflect on my shortcomings as a parent and can not help but blame myself for being a bad parent. It’s so so sad to see, my one wish was that my children would love and respect the Guru. I tried to do it by example too.

Please, if anyone else has similar experience or can share any advice or guidance please reply. Thank you.

Only I know how much my Sikhi suffered because of secondary school, it still suffers a tiny bit now but its much better than before. I can totally understand what your daughter is going through because the main thing is that she just wants to fit in. Keep trying, tell her sakhis about the Guru and tell it to her with so much passion that even she feels a sense of comfort in her heart. Show her kirtan and teach her all the teachings of the Guru. No-one in my family is an amritdhari Sikh so I had no role model growing up. But I know how she feels because I am 14. Put her in kirtan classes even if she doesn't want to go, it will make a big impact. Surround her with gursikhs and make her have someone admirable to look up to (you). Just don't stop trying she will have to give in sometime.

Babaanea kaheena put saput karen||

The stories of one's ancestors makes children in to great children!

[Guest Jatt and Juliet]

My son is approaching puberty soon. At any opportunity I try and talk to him about Sikhi, the importance of doing simran, listening to Kirtan. Whilst travelling do Simran Jaap in the car, my son wants to chat about other stuff but we have a routine which he doesn't contest. Luckily he doesn't want to listen to the radio and just Gurbani. I'm guilty of not taking him to Satsangat enough, this is hugely significant as is Ardas. 

There are so many Sikhi resources online, ask her to read books or watch BoS videos. Another reason so many become disengaged is parents don't speak in or teach Punjabi, spoken as well as written. Once they can read then start on Japji Sahib. If you're passionate this will impact them more than anything as you should be the role model they are looking for, not actors or singers.

 

[jkvlondon]

On 10/3/2018 at 10:22 PM, Guest Maha Paapi said:

We have tried to bring up our children in the right way. Encouraging them to read Paath, recite Mool Mantar, attend Gurudwara and so much more.

Over time my 13 year old  has become more and more distant from Sikhi. Refusing to read from Gutka, never doing Mool Mantar, saying she doesn’t want to go to the Gurudwara. 

We have never forced it upon her and have tried to calmly discuss this with her however she just seems to be getting worse. 

I can not explain how heartbroken I feel, I sit alone and reflect on my shortcomings as a parent and can not help but blame myself for being a bad parent. It’s so so sad to see, my one wish was that my children would love and respect the Guru. I tried to do it by example too.

Please, if anyone else has similar experience or can share any advice or guidance please reply. Thank you.

 

 

Been there with my eldest , just keep doing your paat and keep a loving open feeling in the home , take interest in her friend group. If she seems stressed ask her if anything is worrying her , make sure she understands that you will be there for her no matter what . That she can tell you anything (sometimes kids are getting bullied at school and they try to protect us from what's going on - I know because I did the same when I was that age) . It sounds like someone has her ear at school or she's having issues , high school is a nightmare compared to when we were there because it SO material and looks driven . If there is a sikh outreach program for the homeless see if she is willing to go there and help , it may be she is not connecting the sikhi she has heard about to real life .

[puzzled]

I had a atheist almost anti sikh phase when I was around 12 13 years old too   then i had a angry anti hindu khalistani phase and then I lost interest in religion at 16 17   lol    teenage years can be very confusing. I started developing a interest in proper sikhi at around 18 years old by searching online. Its around the age of 22 that i actually started getting involved in sikhi 

It's just a part of growing up I guess 

[Guest puzzledtoo]

15 hours ago, Guest Kaur said:

Shes entering puberty shes probably at high school and influrenced by non-sikh environments and friends. Just be patient.... And try this approach

Stop teaching her how to be a khalsa sikh start teaching her how to be a sikh nationalist who has love and pride for sikhi. She too young to care or understand fully meanings about religious spiritual stuff in gurbani.

Teach her sikh history instead how sikhs struggled to stay alive. The glories of sikh empire and sikh sacrifices. How muslims, christians invaders to punjab tried to wipe sikhs of the map but sikhs won in the end to stay alive and grow stronger. Teach her the only religion waheguru will accept is sikhi and other paths will lead her to soul to torture afterlife. Teach her the importance of finding a good sikh guy for marriage

These are the basic things you need to teach your offspring so that they realise sikhi is special is unique and worth studying and fighting for.

Awesome advice. The sacrifices of Sikhs would inspire her as without them we would not be here today in this form.

[MisterrSingh]

On 10/6/2018 at 1:56 AM, Guest Kaur said:

Shes entering puberty shes probably at high school and influrenced by non-sikh environments and friends. Just be patient.... And try this approach

Stop teaching her how to be a khalsa sikh start teaching her how to be a sikh nationalist who has love and pride for sikhi. She too young to care or understand fully meanings about religious spiritual stuff in gurbani.

Teach her sikh history instead how sikhs struggled to stay alive. The glories of sikh empire and sikh sacrifices. How muslims, christians invaders to punjab tried to wipe sikhs of the map but sikhs won in the end to stay alive and grow stronger. Teach her the only religion waheguru will accept is sikhi and other paths will lead her to soul to torture afterlife. Teach her the importance of finding a good sikh guy for marriage

These are the basic things you need to teach your offspring so that they realise sikhi is special is unique and worth studying and fighting for.

This is a good approach to take for a young person who seems to be becoming blase about the frankly complex spiritual side of things. Getting practical about Sikhi sometimes speaks more to some people than the strictly abstract and theoretical approach. Maintain the connection with the path throughout this difficult phase, and if the connection is heartfelt and genuine on the youngster's part, they will eventually endeavour to continue that deeper, applied spirituality as they get older.

Of course, if it's all about force-feeding marathon gutka sessions at times when the kid clearly isn't interested, then you're setting yourself up for being either witness to a massive and obvious falling off the wagon on the part of the youngster, OR in some cases a 'keeping up appearances' facade that's designed to keep the parents happy and keep the heat off the kid whilst she or he gets up to all sorts behind your back.