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TinnkerBell

Hard to find Amritdhari girl

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1 hour ago, savalakhsingh said:

This is the exact case that I had too (not for myself personally but a family member). He found an amritdhari girl but she was without keski - there will have to be small compromises somewhere.

I don't want this to be the case for me too so here's what I suggest (and what I am planning to do myself):

In your area (or in your country), familiarise yourself with gursikhs, attend smagams, etc. Make gursikh friends. Then, ask your friends or an elder trusted gursikh to find a suitable match for you in India or wherever you want.

I personally don't want someone from India as I grew up in UK. Not that I have anything against Punjabi amritdhari girls but it's for the same reason you said - our mentality is different.

But most importantly, remember, only Guru Sahib is the one who can do sanjog. Constant ardas is a must. Without ardas, nothing can be achieved.

Good luck bro!

Thanks veer 

thats good suggestion

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On ‎12‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 2:19 PM, TinnkerBell said:

or marry a girl who is vegetarian and slowly she will take amrit and become gursikh      (it doesn’t seems fair to me- I don’t want to force anyone to take amrit and I don’t want Amrit as an agreement for my marriage, I

BHAAJI! I a million% agree with u! My fiance's Non Amrit, I made it clear to her it'll b her choice for Amrit paan or not. Nobody will force her before / after. It is a huge shame Amrit to b cause of divorce/ separation.  End o the day if he / she refrain's from 4 major sins at all times, y not? We just want our spouse t be baptised too for sake of society (same with heights)! Look at Goris. Loads o couples with mis-match heights.

NOW! Good luck with search n hope u find the one. And if you go around meeting non baptised, b sure to relay your feelings that Amrit mustn't be forced but she must not b kurethi/ in line with Sikhi, along with other requests u may have.

Kno my aunts n uncles in Mumbai? All aunts are Amritdhaari n Nitnemi. But the uncles? Moneh n Shraabi. It appears India / Mumbai are more chilled out than foreigners.

  • Confused 1

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On 12/10/2018 at 1:11 PM, BhForce said:

Did you specify in the ad "amritdhari girl required"? If not, why did you waste those people's time?

 

Yes bro we always mention, only amritdhari plz contact. But people still call and say, “ ji amritdhari ta nahi aa but saadi kudi vegetarian aa, je tusi kahoge ta amrit shakloo gi “

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2 hours ago, TinnkerBell said:

Yes bro we always mention, only amritdhari plz contact. But people still call and say, “ ji amritdhari ta nahi aa but saadi kudi vegetarian aa, je tusi kahoge ta amrit shakloo gi “

Well, to be fair to them, there are a lot of parents who are fearful that they will not be able to find amritdhari grooms, so they don't let their daughters take amrit, but they don't eat meat either.

I do believe there are honest families and potential brides who are willing to take Amrit. The problem is in distinguishing between those and and fakers.

While being willing to take Amrit is OK, I do agree that putting on a kirpan when you're not really Amritdhari is fakery.

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On 12/10/2018 at 1:47 PM, Singh1989 said:

We just want our spouse t be baptised too for sake of society (same with heights)!

Umm, no we don't want our wife to be baptised for the sake of society. Where did you get that notion?

Society doesn't care if your wife is Amritdhari or not. In fact, they'd prefer that you have a hot, non-Amritdhari wife.

The reason for marrying an Amritdhari wife (or husband) is that it is maryada.

Anyway, your suggestion that the backup position is that your wife not do the 4 kurehits is good.

On 12/10/2018 at 1:47 PM, Singh1989 said:

Look at Goris. Loads o couples with mis-match heights.

Agreed 
Marriages with Short Wives and Tall Husbands Are the Happiest, Says Study
https://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/marriages-short-wives-tall-husbands-happiest-says-study/

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7 hours ago, BhForce said:

Well, to be fair to them, there are a lot of parents who are fearful that they will not be able to find amritdhari grooms, so they don't let their daughters take amrit, but they don't eat meat either.

I do believe there are honest families and potential brides who are willing to take Amrit. The problem is in distinguishing between those and and fakers.

While being willing to take Amrit is OK, I do agree that putting on a kirpan when you're not really Amritdhari is fakery.

Hanji bai ji right, there are real good vegetarian girls there but I have no method to find which one is real and which one is not.

so thats why I am looking for those girls who are already baptism at their own choice. (On the other side there are amritdhari girls with kirpan and keski who don’t really follow rehat maryada but we can’t find this out, only method to check is to find out from random people in her village)

thats why I am trying my best as a part of my side and rest is in  Gurus hands

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On 12/16/2018 at 12:43 AM, Guest Guest said:

Ask your parents to ask your local giani.  They often know about potential matches.

I am returning back to Canada now

will find one next year 😁

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Guest ChangingMindset

Sangatji i dont know if im reading too much into it, but i see it often in young men who come into marriage age.

Whether its peoples immaturity in terms of; they are still transitioning from child to adult but most guys refer to women as girls. 

Your marrying a woman, who is going to become centre of your life, the anand karaj is between two adults theres no boys and girls now, it aint high school anymore. Its more something to be careful of as if you havent transitioned from teen to adult you will carry with you many factors which affect marriages.

It also works both ways, there will be alot of women who struggle to find a decent man. Its probably harder for them as theres alot of men in roop of sikhis and forgive me even amritdhari but their actions do not show the values of such. 

From my experience Im amritdhari and married a dastar wearing amritdhari. She messed around in her teens and before the marriage. She was from a strict family etc. To some extent she even had something going on during the marriage, which i never got to the bottom of. But after 7 years we seperated. The signs were all there, turns out she never wanted to be in the marriage. The signs were partly missed due to lack of my maturity, due to being hidde  and partly put aside by various people. 

So we never really know the outcome of any number of scenarios. Like others said perhaps widen your options, its about having a decent jeevan sathi.

It is down to destiny , and it is already written. My advice would be work on yourself, follow sikhi, implement it, be humble and with Maharajs blessings a suitable match will come your way.

Dont feel need to rush, everything will happen in its own time, keep looking and it seems your doing everything right

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On 12/18/2018 at 12:45 AM, Guest ChangingMindset said:

Sangatji i dont know if im reading too much into it, but i see it often in young men who come into marriage age.

Whether its peoples immaturity in terms of; they are still transitioning from child to adult but most guys refer to women as girls. 

Your marrying a woman, who is going to become centre of your life, the anand karaj is between two adults theres no boys and girls now, it aint high school anymore. Its more something to be careful of as if you havent transitioned from teen to adult you will carry with you many factors which affect marriages.

It also works both ways, there will be alot of women who struggle to find a decent man. Its probably harder for them as theres alot of men in roop of sikhis and forgive me even amritdhari but their actions do not show the values of such. 

From my experience Im amritdhari and married a dastar wearing amritdhari. She messed around in her teens and before the marriage. She was from a strict family etc. To some extent she even had something going on during the marriage, which i never got to the bottom of. But after 7 years we seperated. The signs were all there, turns out she never wanted to be in the marriage. The signs were partly missed due to lack of my maturity, due to being hidde  and partly put aside by various people. 

So we never really know the outcome of any number of scenarios. Like others said perhaps widen your options, its about having a decent jeevan sathi.

It is down to destiny , and it is already written. My advice would be work on yourself, follow sikhi, implement it, be humble and with Maharajs blessings a suitable match will come your way.

Dont feel need to rush, everything will happen in its own time, keep looking and it seems your doing everything right

Thanks for valuable reply bai ji 🙏😊

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On 12/17/2018 at 7:15 PM, Guest ChangingMindset said:

Your marrying a woman, who is going to become centre of your life

woah..these are dangerous words bro - theres a reason why genuine amritdhari couples revolve themselves around guruji, not each other, four times during anand karaj..

a lot of apne, amritdhari or not, still think like this and end up being controlled and manipulated for the rest of their married lives - might as well see themselves as a little dog on a leash.. imo a so called 'singh' can be tamed by their so called 'kaur'..in good times and bad..but they should never be controlled by them.

and as u unfortunately learnt the hard way, a woman regardless of disguise is never to be trusted - they only use u for their needs and wants and thats it.

op, going to be in the same situation as u soon so dont have any advice to give..other than ur not alone and that my feelings, concerns and worries are the same..thinking about it, maybe finding someone whos at a similar stage in sikhi as urself might make you feel like ur compatible with her and give u both some focus and direction in marriage on ur paths to sikhi together..maharaj kirpa we'll find someone suitable..

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Guest Hukam
On 12/9/2018 at 2:19 PM, TinnkerBell said:

I am 29 and my family is finding an amritdhari girl for me.As all my family members and relatives are non Amritdharis so we hardly know anyone in gursikhi line. we tried giving ads in newspapers almost 10-15 times. We got almost 60+ responses each time I put matrimonial ad, out of which 98 percent phone calls are those who are not amritdharis. Since I always expected an amritdhari and nitnemi girl as my life partner so I only consider those who are blessed with amrit and the remaining 2-3 percent matches are those who don’t have good education or lacking in height. As a result, after 5 months of continue search- I didn’t find any good rishta. Now my parents are suggesting me to marry a girl who is willing to take amrit, or marry a girl who is vegetarian and slowly she will take amrit and become gursikh      (it doesn’t seems fair to me- I don’t want to force anyone to take amrit and I don’t want Amrit as an agreement for my marriage, I don’t want to marry a nonAmritdhari and than influence her to come to gursikhi, its not right, right?).

On the contrary, some amritdhari matches weren’t interested in me because they want  my all family to be Amritdhari ( None of my family members are gursikh except mom)

Apart from newspaper, I tried shaadi.com, akj.org, bharatmatrimonial.com, jeevansathi.com, and some other matrimonial websites as well. I went to Canada about 7 yrs ago and settled there, Since I spent my childhood and adulthood in Punjab, therefore my mentality,nature, reasoning, thinking and behaviour is developed in a complete different way than CanadianBorns girls. So I don’t want to marry Canadian/US/UK borns girls either.

I am a little disappointed with not finding any suitable match for me and equally  worried for our next generations. Its 2018-it will be hard to find gursikh rishte in next 15-20 years.

☹️

Why would you even want to marry and make someone’s life a living hell in the first place? Life is NOT ONLY about marrying and producing dozens of coarse, ill-mannered buffoons.  Let’s face it, kids these days are totally immersed in maya and light years away from sikhi.  Stay single,  don’t even bother looking for anyone, and dedicate your life to Sikhi. Live your life according toi vaheguru’s bhana and see light in everyone.

There is light in everyone, don’t deny it.

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