Punjabi or Sikhi breaking ties with in-laws

[Redoptics]

From certain people I was told now your marriage is over through the passing of my wife, that your ties to the family are now broken and I should not communicate, go over to the house etc.

So my question is this what happens or is this a punjabi way of thought or is this taught to us through Guru Grant Sahib Ji?

[jkvlondon]

13 minutes ago, Redoptics said:

From certain people I was told now your marriage is over through the passing of my wife, that your ties to the family are now broken and I should not communicate, go over to the house etc.

So my question is this what happens or is this a punjabi way of thought or is this taught to us through Guru Grant Sahib Ji?

you have history with those people , you called them  mum and dad and gave them love and respect , why should that stop just because of your partner's death ? It would be a pretty cold and hard hearted person to reject them just because of that . Do what your heart and mind tells you , from what you said your wife was a fantastic person who loved everyone in her life so would  probaly want you to look after her folks (meaning doing sukh dukh and helping them if they needed it) just as she would have done if matters had been reversed .This is the sikh viewpoint . the other cold calculating way sounds more like something from old punjabiat where female's relatives have no value to start with .

[Redoptics]

6 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

you have history with those people , you called them  mum and dad and gave them love and respect , why should that stop just because of your partner's death ? It would be a pretty cold and hard hearted person to reject them just because of that . Do what your heart and mind tells you , from what you said your wife was a fantastic person who loved everyone in her life so would  probaly want you to look after her folks (meaning doing sukh dukh and helping them if they needed it) just as she would have done if matters had been reversed .This is the sikh viewpoint . the other cold calculating way sounds more like something from old punjabiat where female's relatives have no value to start with .

My view point totally,  thank you for the clarification. 

[Torontobboi]

Sorry for your loss bro

[MisterrSingh]

Break ties with the idiots who gave you that advice, lol.

[Redoptics]

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Break ties with the idiots who gave you that advice, lol.

Wanted to break more than ties, when they mentioned it to be honest lol but wanted to know is this the general consensus.

[kcmidlands]

It's an interesting subject, one that people just brush under the carpet (as is the way with most things when someone passes away in our community). 

My wife's mother passed away recently and my wife doesn't want to stay in touch with her Nanke, she say's that if my "mum's not here then what's the point of me keeping up my relationship with them, I was related to them through her." I find the whole thing ridiculous, we put a lot of time and effort into building up relationships and maintaining them, to throw them away just because the person that links you to them has gone just seems wrong and speaks more about your character as a human being than anything else.

Personally, I would stay in touch, grief is a strange thing, the more we support each other through it the better, her family probably need you around to process their grief and vice versa, ignore what society say's, that's the only way we'll get rid of these inane traditions.

[Redoptics]

13 minutes ago, kcmidlands said:

It's an interesting subject, one that people just brush under the carpet (as is the way with most things when someone passes away in our community). 

My wife's mother passed away recently and my wife doesn't want to stay in touch with her Nanke, she say's that if my "mum's not here then what's the point of me keeping up my relationship with them, I was related to them through her." I find the whole thing ridiculous, we put a lot of time and effort into building up relationships and maintaining them, to throw them away just because the person that links you to them has gone just seems wrong and speaks more about your character as a human being than anything else.

Personally, I would stay in touch, grief is a strange thing, the more we support each other through it the better, her family probably need you around to process their grief and vice versa, ignore what society say's, that's the only way we'll get rid of these inane traditions.

I am around theirs for the weekend,  so yeah Im staying in touch, plus if they need owt they know Ill try and help, if I can 

[mahandulai]

5 hours ago, Redoptics said:

From certain people I was told now your marriage is over through the passing of my wife, that your ties to the family are now broken and I should not communicate, go over to the house etc.

So my question is this what happens or is this a punjabi way of thought or is this taught to us through Guru Grant Sahib Ji?

this is a question a robot would ask if it was trying to learn human behaviour

[kcmidlands]

26 minutes ago, Redoptics said:

I am around theirs for the weekend,  so yeah Im staying in touch, plus if they need owt they know Ill try and help, if I can 

It's a very personal thing fella, more credit to you and your character that your willing to be there for them, when something like this happens in a family people always come out of the woodwork with their "advice", as hard as it may be, you have to maintain your composure and not give in and give them the reaction they are looking for.