Punjabi or Sikhi breaking ties with in-laws

[Not2Cool2Argue]

On 1/18/2019 at 1:27 PM, MisterrSingh said:

They're only as loyal and decent as the times you'll experience. I'll get criticised for saying the following but apne are so cold and unfeeling. I occasionally think most of our people have a lesser developed soul. You can see it in and behind the eyes. It's a dark void at times.

it certainly seems true. In fact, I am shocked and can't process when I see a panjabi person being open hearted and kind [when not prescribed in religion such as sewa etc]. But I think its not a genetic or ethnic thing. its more a cultural thing and we are trained from a young age. All the compassion is beaten out of you. I remember when I tried to donate to beggars in india, I was told off most vehemently and told they will all follow u ( they did). And since a young age, I was taught to lie to my tai/taiya about whats happening at home. etc .how dare u tell them we made pizza at home, why did you not say i dont know, like their kids always do?

[MisterrSingh]

9 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

it certainly seems true. In fact, I am shocked and can't process when I see a panjabi person being open hearted and kind [when not prescribed in religion such as sewa etc]. But I think its not a genetic or ethnic thing. its more a cultural thing and we are trained from a young age. All the compassion is beaten out of you. I remember when I tried to donate to beggars in india, I was told off most vehemently and told they will all follow u ( they did). And since a young age, I was taught to lie to my tai/taiya about whats happening at home. etc .how dare u tell them we made pizza at home, why did you not say i dont know, like their kids always do?

I understand and agree with self preservation; not blinking first, etc. It may seem inconsequential and petty, but some of these sickos derive cheap thrills from some of the most worthless and smallest occurrences, and sometimes it's fun to deny them the satisfaction of those victories. 

BUT I don't agree with a blanket application of these methods. There's no discernment on our part of who deserves it and who should be spared. We struggle to adapt and roll with the punches. 

[Redoptics]

31 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

it certainly seems true. In fact, I am shocked and can't process when I see a panjabi person being open hearted and kind [when not prescribed in religion such as sewa etc]. But I think its not a genetic or ethnic thing. its more a cultural thing and we are trained from a young age. All the compassion is beaten out of you. I remember when I tried to donate to beggars in india, I was told off most vehemently and told they will all follow u ( they did). And since a young age, I was taught to lie to my tai/taiya about whats happening at home. etc .how dare u tell them we made pizza at home, why did you not say i dont know, like their kids always do?

Ohh so it wasn't just me me getting told off, saying now they are going to follow you, you should not of given them money.

So true about the hush, hush thing also lol

[Ranjeet01]

36 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

it certainly seems true. In fact, I am shocked and can't process when I see a panjabi person being open hearted and kind [when not prescribed in religion such as sewa etc]. But I think its not a genetic or ethnic thing. its more a cultural thing and we are trained from a young age. All the compassion is beaten out of you. I remember when I tried to donate to beggars in india, I was told off most vehemently and told they will all follow u ( they did). And since a young age, I was taught to lie to my tai/taiya about whats happening at home. etc .how dare u tell them we made pizza at home, why did you not say i dont know, like their kids always do?

That is because Panjab is a low trust society.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_trust_and_low_trust_societies

[MisterrSingh]

17 hours ago, Ranjeet01 said:

That is because Panjab is a low trust society.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_trust_and_low_trust_societies

It's quite amusing when you consider that the most brusque and least intelligent member of a low trust society (such as Punjab) would still consider him or herself to be more... capable (?) and more of a rounded individual than the most intelligent and thoughtful member of a high trust society. Bravado and street smarts can take a person quite far in a sense.

[Ranjeet01]

19 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

It's quite amusing when you consider that the most brusque and least intelligent member of a low trust society (such as Punjab) would still consider him or herself to be more... capable (?) and more of a rounded individual than the most intelligent and thoughtful member of a high trust society. Bravado and street smarts can take a person quite far in a sense.

This is something I read, but it makes sense so I am pasting it here:

Stupid people overly rely on arrogance to get them through life because they don't understand anything.

Arrogance is the ultimate coping mechanism for the unimpressive and incapable.

 Smart people are, for the most part, overwhelmingly humble

Why?

Because when you're smart, you're smart enough to realise how dumb you are

When you're dumb, you're too dumb to see the big picture and actually realise you're a <banned word filter activated>

This is why dumb people are overly confident

 Further headf*ck: dumb people read this tweet and think "he's saying if you're arrogant, you're dumb"

Wrong.

Smart people think

"Dumb people are usually arrogant, but arrogance is a sufficient but not necessary condition for idiocy,"

Correct.

[Wicked Warrior]

I think it depends on your relationship with your inlaws and only you can determine that. 

My bhua lost her husband at a youngish age. They’d had two kids by that point. The in-laws blamed my bhua for their son’s death and cut off family ties quickly. Her father-in-law told her father that there’s no longer a relationship between the two families. She now has zero contact with them. The kids too have no contact. 

What do you plan to do? Are you likely to remarry? If so, that will alter the dynamic. 

[jkvlondon]

2 hours ago, Wicked Warrior said:

I think it depends on your relationship with your inlaws and only you can determine that. 

My bhua lost her husband at a youngish age. They’d had two kids by that point. The in-laws blamed my bhua for their son’s death and cut off family ties quickly. Her father-in-law told her father that there’s no longer a relationship between the two families. She now has zero contact with them. The kids too have no contact. 

What do you plan to do? Are you likely to remarry? If so, that will alter the dynamic. 

that was pure greed and cruelty , in old punjab widows were responsibility of in laws  especially if young children involved. Sikhs would find a match for those who were young . That is some messed up Hindu <banned word filter activated> superstition., your relatives pulled they should be ashamed of themselves .

[Redoptics]

On 1/21/2019 at 8:33 PM, Wicked Warrior said:

I think it depends on your relationship with your inlaws and only you can determine that. 

My bhua lost her husband at a youngish age. They’d had two kids by that point. The in-laws blamed my bhua for their son’s death and cut off family ties quickly. Her father-in-law told her father that there’s no longer a relationship between the two families. She now has zero contact with them. The kids too have no contact. 

What do you plan to do? Are you likely to remarry? If so, that will alter the dynamic. 

Do not have a clue at the moment.

[kcmidlands]

On 1/21/2019 at 8:33 PM, Wicked Warrior said:

I think it depends on your relationship with your inlaws and only you can determine that. 

My bhua lost her husband at a youngish age. They’d had two kids by that point. The in-laws blamed my bhua for their son’s death and cut off family ties quickly. Her father-in-law told her father that there’s no longer a relationship between the two families. She now has zero contact with them. The kids too have no contact. 

What do you plan to do? Are you likely to remarry? If so, that will alter the dynamic. 

I want to say i find this hard to believe but I've seen this kind first hand and it's absolutely disgusting. In a situation where there are no kids i can just about understand (not that i agree), but cutting off ties with your grand kids because your son has passed on shows what people's mentality is, in cases I've seen (on in particular) the grandparents turned up 20 years wanting a relationship with their grandson (the situation was pretty similar to the one described above), suffice to say, it didn't end well, point being, we do things out of anger, jealousy, ego or whatever but don't realize the long term consequences.