Amritdhari family doesn’t like my boyfriend

[Akalifauj]

On 1/24/2019 at 6:30 AM, Guest Kaur said:

I am a 20 yr old girl in US with a amritdhaari family who is very religious and respected. 

You are 20 years old and you have created a mess of your life.  You made a mess of your life over a boyfriend.   Once you go to college or university there will be more boys like your boyfriend who will feed you the same lines so they can....well you know what they want, it's always on their mind.  Also you boyfriend will discover there are a whole lot of girls in college that he will want to be with.  Sooner or later you will be in his past.  

What you need to do is start reading Gurbani in which ever language you will be able to understand what is being said by the Guru.  It's always good to understand the other sides point of view before jumping into something that will change the course of your life.  The other side being Sikhi.  Search in Google for Sri Guru Granth Sahib ji and start reading.  Life is too short to be wasted on poor decisions.  

 

[RajKaregaKhalsa1]

On 1/24/2019 at 2:30 PM, Guest Kaur said:

I am a 20 yr old girl in US with a amritdhaari family who is very religious and respected. I fell in love with a guy who is mona, eat meat and drinks. I was never as religious as my parents but do value being a vegetarian and sikhi values. We were together for a year and half and Bc I thought I was going to spend my whole life with him we were intimate. I got pregnant and we went to many doctors appointments Bc we were going to have twins. I misscarried one baby and the other we had an abortion Bc my parents hated him and I never wanted to be a disgrace for my family. My parents explained to me so much to leave him but I can’t. I didn’t tell them anything about the pregnancy Bc I’m unsure of their reaction and how they will lose the little respect they have for me. I’m lying to them again that I’m not talking to him when I am. I don’t want to chose between my family and my boyfriend, who I was going to have babies with. I feel so guilty and depressed everyday I hate myself and think I should’ve kept the baby no matter what. I have no guidance or advice Bc I’m ashamed of my actions and can’t tell anyone. 

Remember that no matter how massive your Paaps are, Guru Sahib is the ocean of virtues and always willing to forgive. But now you have to give your head to your Guru because you have done a Bajjar Kurhet and get a Tankah (punishment like some amount of Seva etc for forgiveness). Go to the Panj Pyare and they can help (it may take some time to find them) and do an Ardas in front of Maharaaj with your full heart and take a Hukamnama. The Shabad that comes up is the message from the Guru to you and will guide you. 

[Akalifauj]

10 minutes ago, RajKaregaKhalsa1 said:

Remember that no matter how massive your Paaps are, Guru Sahib is the ocean of virtues and always willing to forgive. But now you have to give your head to your Guru because you have done a Bajjar Kurhet and get a Tankah (punishment like some amount of Seva etc for forgiveness). Go to the Panj Pyare and they can help (it may take some time to find them) and do an Ardas in front of Maharaaj with your full heart and take a Hukamnama. The Shabad that comes up is the message from the Guru to you and will guide you. 

I dont think she is an amritdhari so she wouldn't be going to Punj pyare for her mistakes. Her family is amritdhari.  However punj pyare also can help her.  They can direct her on the right path.  The punj pyare are not only their to give amrit.  And they are not so scary looking as some make them out to be.  She can simply go to them and say she is face some issues.  And needs advice on how to go about it in life.  No specific are needed.  They can understand from a bit of info what is going on and direct the person in the right direction.

[RajKaregaKhalsa1]

4 minutes ago, Akalifauj said:

I dont think she is an amritdhari so she wouldn't be going to Punj pyare for her mistakes. Her family is amritdhari.  However punj pyare also can help her.  They can direct her on the right path.  The punj pyare are not only their to give amrit.  And they are not so scary looking as some make them out to be.  She can simply go to them and say she is face some issues.  And needs advice on how to go about it in life.  No specific are needed.  They can understand from a bit of info what is going on and direct the person in the right direction.

Yeah Panj Pyare are here to help us. Bajjar Kurhets still apply to Sehaj-dhari Sikhs too don't they?

[Akalifauj]

2 minutes ago, RajKaregaKhalsa1 said:

Yeah Panj Pyare are here to help us. Bajjar Kurhets still apply to Sehaj-dhari Sikhs too don't they?

I dont think so, but if they do, prepare for a line up that is the length of russia.

[Guest guest]

On 1/24/2019 at 2:30 PM, Guest Kaur said:

I am a 20 yr old girl in US with a amritdhaari family who is very religious and respected. I fell in love with a guy who is mona, eat meat and drinks. I was never as religious as my parents but do value being a vegetarian and sikhi values. We were together for a year and half and Bc I thought I was going to spend my whole life with him we were intimate. I got pregnant and we went to many doctors appointments Bc we were going to have twins. I misscarried one baby and the other we had an abortion Bc my parents hated him and I never wanted to be a disgrace for my family. My parents explained to me so much to leave him but I can’t. I didn’t tell them anything about the pregnancy Bc I’m unsure of their reaction and how they will lose the little respect they have for me. I’m lying to them again that I’m not talking to him when I am. I don’t want to chose between my family and my boyfriend, who I was going to have babies with. I feel so guilty and depressed everyday I hate myself and think I should’ve kept the baby no matter what. I have no guidance or advice Bc I’m ashamed of my actions and can’t tell anyone. 

did you really have an abortion because your parents hate him?

i think you should tell them the truth.  if they lose respect for you, don't worry, i mean the respect was falsely grounded anyway, right?  we have to humble ourselves, sometimes.   try and see things from their perspective, it may help bring you peace of mind.  another point is, that if they are sympathetic, it gives them a chance to help you.

you need to be objective about your situation.  put shame aside for now.  think of it this way- if you had a best and very close friend who was in your situation, and who you cared about deeply, what would you advise her?

what are your plans for your bf?  does he share them?   or do you not have plans?  

you may not have to chose between them.  there may be another way.  try and listen to your parents concerns.  maybe the four of you can formally sit down and discuss the situation together.

also, take care of yourself emotionally.  

i think the advice of woman slightly older than you may help.  hope someone like that responds on this board.

anyway i wish you goodness and help.  hope you find a good solution and become wiser and happier in the process.

[Guest Medusa]

You are a mess. Bad choice after bad choice, what do you want? You got pregnant, miscarried, then had an abortion? What was the reason?  Start being better than that 

[ipledgeblue]

if you're from a amrit dhari family, then why don't you go into grihast jeevan, why are you doing this degrading boyfriend girlfriend stuff?

From an amritdhari family and you are in this girlfriend slave mentality?

[Kaurr]

On 1/25/2019 at 1:30 AM, Guest Kaur said:

I am a 20 yr old girl in US with a amritdhaari family who is very religious and respected. I fell in love with a guy who is mona, eat meat and drinks. I was never as religious as my parents but do value being a vegetarian and sikhi values. We were together for a year and half and Bc I thought I was going to spend my whole life with him we were intimate. I got pregnant and we went to many doctors appointments Bc we were going to have twins. I misscarried one baby and the other we had an abortion Bc my parents hated him and I never wanted to be a disgrace for my family. My parents explained to me so much to leave him but I can’t. I didn’t tell them anything about the pregnancy Bc I’m unsure of their reaction and how they will lose the little respect they have for me. I’m lying to them again that I’m not talking to him when I am. I don’t want to chose between my family and my boyfriend, who I was going to have babies with. I feel so guilty and depressed everyday I hate myself and think I should’ve kept the baby no matter what. I have no guidance or advice Bc I’m ashamed of my actions and can’t tell anyone. 

I come from an amridhari family as well thats very religious and respected and if I were in your position, my parents wouldve kicked me out the house, I would have become homeless, none of my family members would talk to me and my parents would have lost all their respect.

I know you feel like this mona guy is your soul mate and so on but youve got to realise that your not going to be on this earth forever. What actions are going to benefit you after you die? 

Also, you should be thanking got that you were born into a very religous amritdhari family. Do you have any idea how many unborn spirits want to be in your position? Being born in an amridhari family is one of the greatest gifts ever, dont mess it up.

And for that bf you have, you will meet many like him.

You can go live with you bf and do whatever, its up to you- but dont go back to your parents whilst still thinking of you bf 24/7

Also, you shoudnt have been intimate in the first place no matter what, you can think that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with someone- but your actually not. 

Dont let these feelings make you do the wrong thing

[ipledgeblue]

I don't think most amrit dhari families or even many respectful sikh families will not accept their children being part of boyfriend-girlfriend partnerships. If you are serious to become someone's partner, then the only acceptable way is become a life partner. This is the grihast jeevan that Guru Nanak taught and practised and promoted.

It is so degrading to become a temporary partner like a girlfriend, you got any sharam and respect at all (to OP of course)?