Muslim Divorce Rate: lessons to be learned

[kcmidlands]

10 hours ago, Big_Tera said:

True, new generation cant seem to handle married life. 

It's different now though, whereas before a couple, even if they had marital problems, would stay married for the sake of the wider family and izzat, today couples seem to cry foul at the smallest of arguments or problems.

I've been married for over 17 years, there's been plenty of arguments, problems, and god knows what else, there have been point's in my marriage where I have considered separation because the arguments where so bad (and we have young children so that makes it even worse), but throughout it all I've tried to sort out problems and make things work. Marriages are hard work, don't let anyone tell you differently and to add to that we have one of the worst communities out there who clap and cheer when you fail and commiserate you when you win.

[Ranjeet01]

44 minutes ago, kcmidlands said:

It's different now though, whereas before a couple, even if they had marital problems, would stay married for the sake of the wider family and izzat, today couples seem to cry foul at the smallest of arguments or problems.

I've been married for over 17 years, there's been plenty of arguments, problems, and god knows what else, there have been point's in my marriage where I have considered separation because the arguments where so bad (and we have young children so that makes it even worse), but throughout it all I've tried to sort out problems and make things work. Marriages are hard work, don't let anyone tell you differently and to add to that we have one of the worst communities out there who clap and cheer when you fail and commiserate you when you win.

We live in a throw away society where if something is not working we discard it and get something new whereas in olden times you try to fix it.

Schadenfreude is big thing in our community, our people feel good about themselves if somebody fails. This is something that makes me feel revulsion. 

[Guest GuestSingh]

29 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

We live in a throw away society where if something is not working we discard it and get something new whereas in olden times you try to fix it.

Schadenfreude is big thing in our community, our people feel good about themselves if somebody fails. This is something that makes me feel revulsion. 

nothing is built to last anymore - relationships, cars, household appliances etc.

prefer old stuff myself, fixing something old than buying new...its character-building and what u learn tends to become wisdom helping make better choices in life...but the easier route, the new, expensive and shiny things gives those self worth to mask over the deficiencies we all have but sometimes try to ignore...

that schadenfreude thing must affect all communities - are ours really worse or just as bad as the rest?

[Ranjeet01]

4 hours ago, GuestSingh said:

nothing is built to last anymore - relationships, cars, household appliances etc.

prefer old stuff myself, fixing something old than buying new...its character-building and what u learn tends to become wisdom helping make better choices in life...but the easier route, the new, expensive and shiny things gives those self worth to mask over the deficiencies we all have but sometimes try to ignore...

that schadenfreude thing must affect all communities - are ours really worse or just as bad as the rest?

I think schadenfreude is probably more pronounced in our people .

We do not tend to have in-group preferences like other communities have.

[MisterrSingh]

17 hours ago, Big_Tera said:

It all depends though. If you get a cunning brit that goes over he will not get conned and fall for all this. 

I'd argue that even a chalaakh, braggart (verging on criminal, lol) of a desi Brit would still get schooled by even the average Punjabi over there.

I went to my Nanakeh a few years ago in India after what must've been more than 10 years, and in that time my mum's youngest brother had got married and had kids, etc. So, his children are my first cousins. I'd just turned 30 at the time. I'm a big (not fat, lol), imposing lad who's been through the wars, so to speak, since I was a kid, but you've got these little Punjabi boys barely up to my waist, thinking I'm your typical soft Balaiti. I could see it immediately in the way they interacted with me, almost sizing me up in order to gauge how to get the upper hand with me from the get-go! These are 5 and 9 year old boys, yet even they mistakenly assume someone double their age and size isn't a threat by virtue of me being from a "soft" western country.

It's a very tiny example of how incredibly different the respective mentalities are, and I agree with the points made above that their cunning is rooted in a definite foolishness that is erroneously assumed to be wisdom or smarts. It's not. Once you live a little bit and realise the reality of the world we occupy, it becomes apparent how absolutely ignorant they truly are when it comes to the manner in which they view life. Only in such a broken country with its warped mentality could such people be made. Don't get me wrong, my Nanakeh are angels compared to most in that country, but "their" angels still have a bit of an edge and obvious teeth compared to "ours."

[puzzled]

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

I'd argue that even a chalaakh, braggart (verging on criminal, lol) of a desi Brit would still get schooled by even the average Punjabi over there.

I went to my Nanakeh a few years ago in India after what must've been more than 10 years, and in that time my mum's youngest brother had got married and had kids, etc. So, his children are my first cousins. I'd just turned 30 at the time. I'm a big (not fat, lol), imposing lad who's been through the wars, so to speak, since I was a kid, but you've got these little Punjabi boys barely up to my waist, thinking I'm your typical soft Balaiti. I could see it immediately in the way they interacted with me, almost sizing me up in order to gauge how to get the upper hand with me from the get-go! These are 5 and 9 year old boys, yet even they mistakenly assume someone double their age and size isn't a threat by virtue of me being from a "soft" western country.

It's a very tiny example of how incredibly different the respective mentalities are, and I agree with the points made above that their cunning is rooted in a definite foolishness that is erroneously assumed to be wisdom or smarts. It's not. Once you live a little bit and realise the reality of the world we occupy, it becomes apparent how absolutely ignorant they truly are when it comes to the manner in which they view life. Only in such a broken country with its warped mentality could such people be made. Don't get me wrong, my Nanakeh are angels compared to most in that country, but "their" angels still have a bit of an edge and obvious teeth compared to "ours."

I agree some of the young guys have a real rotten attitude. My chachas son does the same with me despite having a face that looks like a rat. He stands there with his legs apart, arms folded, looking down at his arms to see how big they look,   can slice through his attitude with a knife.  

But you see this same attitude in a lot of the younger men there. 

The tragedy is that they seem to think we care lol  it's like where there one month and gone the next  thats how much we give a sh1t. 

British punjabis are a lot more layed back and down to earth in comparison with those guys in India.

Honestly there isn't much that I like about India, apart from the gurdwareh and landscapes lol 

But then again I have come across some very humble guys there as well  mostly the handful of young singhs  but that's about it lol

Nasty place 

[puzzled]

In punjab, When you see some guy with 12 inch long spikey hair sprayed gold, bright red t shirt, skin tight skinny jeans, khanda tattooed on his arm  with a stuck up  attitude, walking like no man like him has walked the earth,     you really do itch your and stare at him in absolute confusion.  Mind boggling 

[GuestKaur2]

2 minutes ago, puzzled said:

In punjab, When you see some guy with 12 inch long spikey hair sprayed gold, bright red t shirt, skin tight skinny jeans, khanda tattooed on his arm  with a stuck up  attitude, walking like no man like him has walked the earth,     you really do itch your and stare at him in absolute confusion.  Mind boggling 

*Jazzy B

[Ranjeet01]

15 minutes ago, puzzled said:

I agree some of the young guys have a real rotten attitude. My chachas son does the same with me despite having a face that looks like a rat. He stands there with his legs apart, arms folded, looking down at his arms to see how big they look,   can slice through his attitude with a knife.  

But you see this same attitude in a lot of the younger men there. 

The tragedy is that they seem to think we care lol  it's like where there one month and gone the next  thats how much we give a sh1t. 

British punjabis are a lot more layed back and down to earth in comparison with those guys in India.

Honestly there isn't much that I like about India, apart from the gurdwareh and landscapes lol 

But then again I have come across some very humble guys there as well  mostly the handful of young singhs  but that's about it lol

Nasty place 

Sometimes I noticed about people from there is the look in their eye which you don't get from our people born here.

When you look into their eyes, there is a blank soullessness behind them.

This kind of look which is predatory, in some ways it is similar to what war veterans get (thousand yard stare).

The environment they come from in many ways must be like a war zone.

[Premi5]

11 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

The environment they come from in many ways must be like a war zone.

What war zone? I am not aware of one