Marriage in India - Advice needed

[Guest Singh]

I recently got married in Punjab however my wife is still in India. We are getting on reasonably okay apart from some issues I am having. Not sure if these are cultural issues.

One thing I is found my wife quite abrupt and always flys off the handle at the smallest things. I have not really said anything back in aggression as I dont want to cause a conflict yet she doesnt seem to care. She is quite argumentative. I get the feeling that she does not like my family. On the surface she shows some interest but overall she just seems very into her own family. I thought that when  a girl marries her main priority are the new family she goes to. But with her it seems the other way around. 

Another issue I am having is she is constantly sending me pictures of her family and brothers. Infact most of here whatsapp updates and profile pictures are of her brothers and family. Sometimes I get the impression she is deliberately posts these pictures to send me some kind of message or to make me feel jealous. Most of her status updates are that 'she loves her family' . 

Not sure what the motive behind this are. Maybe she is playing some kind of mind games to get at me. 

I have not posted any pictures of any of my family members apart from 1 or 2. when she posts 100's. The reason I dont is beacuse I dont want her to feel as though I like my family more or make her feel uncomfortable.  Hence I never post any snaps of my family members. But I am now starting to think of doing this on my whatsapp. Why should I not? If it upsets her that is her issues. 

Why should I feel I cant post pics of my family because of hurting her sentiments. I know how Indian born girls can be. They get incredibly jealous when you show love and emotion to your immediate family. I am not the type to do this. But she is doing it to me constantly. 

Anyone can advise on the challenges of marrying someone from India? 

 

[S1ngh]

VGurfateh ji,

I don’t think there is anything wrong in sharing pictures. You both are in a new game plane and you both do not know how to play it yet. So don’t call it quit unless any  bujjer khuriet commited by one of you. 

There is a cultural difference between yours and her and there is nothing wrong with that and she will grow out from it. She is trying to share everything of her with you including never ending pictures of her and her distant relatives. I don’t think that she is trying to make you jealous but involving you whatever she is doing. 

Whether sharing picture, social network sleazy things or cheesy bollywood fan conversation; it is just the phase of her living in India. There is also another huge positive side of culture that you will be more thankful for it. 

Work around it it and limit the use of social networking by both of you as that might be causing the strain.

14 yrs * and married in India. Me from west and she from east. Though there wasn’t much cultural difference between us, however both of our understanding on many issues are still same & solid to the core with gurus kirpa. Compromise is important to work it out and keeping dharam as our central part of life helps a lot.

Good luck!

 

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh]

Quote

 

One thing I is found my wife quite abrupt and always flys off the handle at the smallest things. I have not really said anything back in aggression as I dont want to cause a conflict yet she doesnt seem to care. She is quite argumentative. 

Another issue I am having is she is constantly sending me pictures of her family and brothers. Infact most of here whatsapp updates and profile pictures are of her brothers and family. Sometimes I get the impression she is deliberately posts these pictures to send me some kind of message or to make me feel jealous. 

 

I'm guessing she's from a rural area of Punjab because...trust me....they are very VERY aggressive.  They don't have the housewife-at-home timidity of the girls from urban areas of Punjab.....These girls are quick to start physical fights with any woman or MAN !!

As for the pictures, you have to step onto that perpetual merry-go-round of marriage. These are the steps you're gonna have to get used to:

1) If you want her to stop constantly posting photos of her family you're gonna have to stop giving them 'likes'. The more you give them 'likes' the more she will post.

2) Because you've stopped 'liking' her family photos she will bash you upside your head.

3) You will say "ouch" "that hurt", she will say "kee key'ah ?", you will say to your mum "mummy eh menu marri jandi ah" and she will bash you upside your head a little more for telling your mum.

4) She will post more photos of her family and this time you will 'like' them because, as you grow older and wiser, you will learn that the only thing a man desires out of a marriage to a girl from Punjab is a quiet life. Anything for a quiet life.

[Guest Khalsa Raj]

What type of flying off the handle, are you too sensitive to cope or is she going crazy at any opportunity. Have you considered she is testing the waters to see how you will react? Try the same back, see what happens. 

Also married from Punjab, best place for it. Main barrier I faced was misunderstandings based on language nuances, even though I consider myself to be fairly proficient in speaking. Once you're physically in each others company things should improve quickly.

 

 

[S1ngh]

6 hours ago, Guest Khalsa Raj said:

Once you're physically in each others company things should improve quickly.

That is one absolute truth. Reality is when you live together. 

[Ranjeet01]

On 3/2/2019 at 1:51 PM, Guest Singh said:

I recently got married in Punjab however my wife is still in India. We are getting on reasonably okay apart from some issues I am having. Not sure if these are cultural issues.

One thing I is found my wife quite abrupt and always flys off the handle at the smallest things. I have not really said anything back in aggression as I dont want to cause a conflict yet she doesnt seem to care. She is quite argumentative. I get the feeling that she does not like my family. On the surface she shows some interest but overall she just seems very into her own family. I thought that when  a girl marries her main priority are the new family she goes to. But with her it seems the other way around. 

Another issue I am having is she is constantly sending me pictures of her family and brothers. Infact most of here whatsapp updates and profile pictures are of her brothers and family. Sometimes I get the impression she is deliberately posts these pictures to send me some kind of message or to make me feel jealous. Most of her status updates are that 'she loves her family' . 

Not sure what the motive behind this are. Maybe she is playing some kind of mind games to get at me. 

I have not posted any pictures of any of my family members apart from 1 or 2. when she posts 100's. The reason I dont is beacuse I dont want her to feel as though I like my family more or make her feel uncomfortable.  Hence I never post any snaps of my family members. But I am now starting to think of doing this on my whatsapp. Why should I not? If it upsets her that is her issues. 

Why should I feel I cant post pics of my family because of hurting her sentiments. I know how Indian born girls can be. They get incredibly jealous when you show love and emotion to your immediate family. I am not the type to do this. But she is doing it to me constantly. 

Anyone can advise on the challenges of marrying someone from India? 

 

Grow a pair and put your foot down.

Do you live at home with your parents.

If so then it will be your mother dealing with her. 

[MisterrSingh]

For a man it's not even an issue worth devoting more than a couple of minutes of thought. It's, however, something a woman's mind would be preoccupied by for days or even weeks. Falling into the trap of partaking in these barely perceptible micro-aggressions on HER terms is completely unacceptable. She's clocked OP as the type of guy who will indulge her small power plays, and she's wasting no time in establishing control even in what may seem the most inconsequential and innocuous of ways. Even at this early juncture she has completely figured out her husband, and how best to get under his skin. Great for her in the short term and the long run; bad news for OP on all counts.