'I'm divorced, so Sikh men don't want me'

[puzzled]

i'm very stubborn lol  and women find this very annoying about me     my mum also gets really annoyed lol   she says the day god was handing out "yes" you weren't born because you always say "no"      

[dallysingh101]

31 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

A man needs to stand up to his mother as well when he has to.

Problem you have is the son moves away from his family in favour of his wife. The wife proceeds to ramp up her manipulation. 

I don't buy that. Not all jananis are like this, but if we have an overrepresentation of this type, it must be the product of some cultural thing of their upbringing. 

Quote

 

Woman never really leave the pekheh behind but a husband always leaves behind his family.

A man should not take his mother's side or wife's side, he should take his own side.

 

Absolutely. And he should stick all those stupid guilt trips apnay families specialise in up their ar5es. You know how many potential great relationships amongst apany I've seen get derailed by parents over the years over the pettiest things .....

 

Quote

If anything the mother will in the long term respect their son more if they did.

I doubt that. Some of these buddhian will be crest fallen and mope about over it forever. I literally mean forever - until their dying days. lol  If they want to deal with it like stupid children instead of a thinking adult, then I say they should be metaphorically fobbed off too. These people often screw their nyanays zindgi up, but take no responsibility for it at all. 

 

Quote

 

I heard this saying:

"When you are 18, you are worried what everyone thinks, when you are 40, you don't care what anyone thinks. When you are 60, you realise that no one thought about you at all"

 

 

That's a nice one! Bang on point. We need to speed up the process where blokes realise that really, all these other fudhoos (including and especially certain family members) don't really give a toss or if they do, their thinking is so limited that they can't even see the whole picture and give really tutti advice.

I hear this a lot from my generation and some younger:

"My parents made me keep away from the opposite gender since I was young but when I was in my 30s they ask me why I haven't found anyone for marriage......." lol

[Ranjeet01]

8 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

I don't buy that. Not all jananis are like this, but if we have an overrepresentation of this type, it must be the product of some cultural thing of their upbringing. 

Absolutely. And he should stick all those stupid guilt trips apnay families specialise in up their ar5es. You know how many potential great relationships amongst apany I've seen get derailed by parents over the years over the pettiest things .....

 

I doubt that. Some of these buddhian will be crest fallen and mope about over it forever. I literally mean forever - until their dying days. lol  If they want to deal with it like stupid children instead of a thinking adult, then I say they should be metaphorically fobbed off too. These people often screw their nyanays zindgi up, but take no responsibility for it at all. 

 

 

That's a nice one! Bang on point. We need to speed up the process where blokes realise that really, all these other fudhoos (including and especially certain family members) don't really give a toss or if they do, their thinking is so limited that they can't even see the whole picture and give really tutti advice.

I hear this a lot from my generation and some younger:

"My parents made me keep away from the opposite gender since I was young but when I was in my 30s they ask me why I haven't found anyone for marriage......." lol

Majority of jananis are like this, it is just to the degree.

If a mother can mope like this, then as a son you have outgrown your mother. Just have to hold your frame.

 

[MisterrSingh]

3 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

What about another perspective too. That we all have differing needs for stimulus, and sometimes these variations can be enormous. Individual personality differences too. These things seem to be rooted in biology. But saying that, even our adaptability (those who have it) is probably a consequence of a particular type of neurological wiring?  

Sometimes it's not a good idea for a guy who is more introversion inclined to be married to a heavy extrovert. Or someone who isn't particularly materialistic to be hitched to someone who is very status orientated. Or for an autocrat to be married to someone who clearly has an independent streak in them. I think some of the marriage problems we see in our community stem from mismatches in this department too. What's actually is shocking to me, is just how often it goes right in our community given the sort of systematic way parents usually arrange these things. 

Now if a girl has been raised up with a degree of trust and freedom and hasn't abused that - like certain apneean do as soon as they are out of sight of their parents and wider community (there will be some!); now for her to go into a family of imperious control freaks will be like hell on earth. She may begrudgingly tolerate it, awaiting a time when she can escape from the in laws with her husband, but it may well cause a complete breakdown of the relationship. And how many times do we hear this story - honestly - how many times.  

From my experience people's thinking is usually VERY DIVERSE. This appears to be heavily influenced by biology and random factors. That's why you get brothers who've grown up in the same house turning out to be completely different to each other in adulthood. LIke Jagraj Singh and his brother Sunny Hundal for example. This is indicative of wider human trends. Whenever you meet another human they have a unique personality profile - that's what we are dealing with. The more we know about what we are walking into, the better the odds in my opinion. 

All excellent points particularly the second paragraph. 

I will say from my own perspective, I'm beginning to see the logic in encouraging -- from a male perspective -- being exposed to certain experiences before making life-long commitments. While I would never advocate or condone rampant dating and unfettered sexual activity with all and sundry, I think to prohibit even innocuous interactions between the sexes will always disadvantage the male in later life. There's a process whereby snake handlers allow themselves to be bitten by snakes in a controlled manner so that their antibodies are capable of cultivating a gradual and controlled resistance to the venom, so that when they're inevitably bitten out "in the field" their nervous system isn't overwhelmed by the poison. To the literal minded, I'm not comparing womankind to dangerous serpents, lol.

What I am saying is that most of our "boys" of a particular personality type (the shy and sheltered introverts) are ignorant when it comes to understanding how to interact with females in a way that doesn't result in them coming off worse for wear, because they've been fed the, "Kudiye naal galla ni kari diya!" from our culture, and the, "Women are queens who should be worshipped!" garbage from western culture. All the while their arguably more adventurous and devil-may-care peers don't allow themselves to be held back from obtaining valuable experience -- even if it entails a few broken hearts along the way -- that simply can't be taught or drilled into a guy through words alone. Being cognisant and aware of feminine wiles is essential for any male; that goes double for the aforementioned shy guys, because they're the men who will, in the future, inadvertently destroy their family unit through their inability to rein in a combative and/or manipulative wife or perceive the machinations of their scheming mother. 

[dallysingh101]

44 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

that goes double for the aforementioned shy guys, because they're the men who will, in the future, inadvertently destroy their family unit through their inability to rein in a combative and/or manipulative wife or perceive the machinations of their scheming mother. 

I agree with your last post but let's not forget that even the most experienced men (when it comes to women) can get themselves in a marriage that goes seriously south after a while. 

 

 

[BhForce]

On 3/16/2019 at 2:45 AM, Premi5 said:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/stories-47562252

First of all, I don't know exactly what it is she went through, and she didn't specify.

I do want to say that, absent violence, you should try to work out your issues because the next man (or woman) isn't going to be perfect, either.

On 3/16/2019 at 2:45 AM, Premi5 said:

most Sikh men don't want to marry a divorcee.

OK, but why should they? The Gurdwara president was right, divorced people should look into marrying other divorced people. A never-married person marrying once-married person can be a disaster because the never-married is always comparing him or herself to his spouse's ex.

On 3/16/2019 at 2:45 AM, Premi5 said:

But actually Sikhs do get divorced sometimes, just like everyone else. The 2018 British Sikh Report says that 4% have been divorced and another 1% have separated.

4% is an astoundingly good number. Keep in mind that the main reason for that is the stigma against divorce in our society or faith. Remove the stigma, like she seems to want, and we'll have 42% divorce rates like the rest of the British.

On 3/16/2019 at 2:45 AM, Premi5 said:

The turban is important to me, though.

I salute the fact that she's looking for a kesadhari, but if she doesn't find someone after writing this article, she should probably set her sights a little lower.

Are there any monas who aren't drunks?

On 3/16/2019 at 2:45 AM, Premi5 said:

By telling my story I am hoping I will help to remove the stigma of being a divorced woman.

To the contrary, I hope it strengthens the stigma and encourages people to stay married.

[BhForce]

On 3/16/2019 at 9:13 AM, joker said:

This is Sikh bashing by the BBC. Substitute Sikh with Muslim, would the BBC  printed that. It is common practice for divorced Sikhs to remarry. These type of articles are mainly written by  Indian women to get brownie points from their white and Muslim bosses who love bashing Sikh culture. The truth is Sikh women have changed the demographics by marrying out in large numbers. It is the Sikh boys who are finding it difficult to find a partner

Absolutely right.

This woman's experience might be truthfully written.

But the very reason that the BBC ran the article is to further the BBC's anti-Sikh agenda.

[BhForce]

On 3/16/2019 at 12:52 PM, dallysingh101 said:

Top of the list is this sister: Jasvinder Sanghera

Where did she appear?

[BhForce]

On 3/16/2019 at 3:08 PM, Ranjeet01 said:

On 3/16/2019 at 2:53 PM, dallysingh101 said:

Nah but these apneean seem to think apnay are the worst and other men just fine and dandy. Feminists seem to hold all men in contempt. 

That is their hypergamy kicking in.

They consider apnay as lower value and other men as higher value. 

That's quite possible. I'm thinking that the same things that lead them to walking out on apne (drinking, leaving the toilet seat up, whatever) they will tolerate in a gora.

[BhForce]

On 3/17/2019 at 2:44 PM, puzzled said:

She's a Christian now   you can even see a cross in her necklace. 

Is she the sort that rabidly tries to Christianize every member of her extended family? She's a Christian now, and everybody has to become one?