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'I'm divorced, so Sikh men don't want me'


Premi5
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On 3/17/2019 at 2:44 PM, puzzled said:

She's a Christian now   you can even see a cross in her necklace. 

The funny thing is so many of this sort will point various apparent contradictions or things they don't understand in Sikhism or Gurbani, but without a trace of irony go and embrace Christianity, which has a holy book of which not one line of which was written by the head (Christ).

Oh, also she isn't supposed to have her head uncovered, or didn't she read that portion of the Bible yet? Also, why is she giving lectures to men? The Bible says “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12).

Also, isn't so ironic that these women leave Sikhism because they think Punjabi men are too overbearing? What does the Bible have to say about that? It says the husband is pati-parmesher, LOL:

1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)
 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

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19 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

I know a Singh who threw away an ostensibly "perfect" marriage with a fantastic young Singhni because she had the temerity to give birth to 2 baby girls. His mother instigated a campaign of propaganda and division between her son and the wife, which eventually led to him throwing his wife and his baby daughters out of the house.

What a sad story. Again, we're not supposed to get divorced in Sikhism.

What a loser of a so-called husband. I can't believe he would throw away his girls and wife like that.

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On 3/17/2019 at 3:43 PM, KhoonKaBadlaKhoon said:

Some points made here. BUT, the older generation definitely is backwards and will not want a divorcee for their divorced man-child lol. And a lot of "men" unfortunately still follow exactly what their parents say. Let's not be so quick to try and find ways to blame her. 

Bro, there's simply no reason a never-married person should have to settle for a divorced one (unless there's some other problem).

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10 hours ago, puzzled said:

she told me that men are naive and are not aware of what women can do, she said they easily believe and fall for women. in her own words (not mine) she said women are crafty and manipulative.  she said the bible also says this      

this is what a woman said to me!    im glad i have a friend who i can have "real talks" with lol

Is this the Muslim chick?

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4 hours ago, BhForce said:

What a sad story. Again, we're not supposed to get divorced in Sikhism.

What a loser of a so-called husband. I can't believe he would throw away his girls and wife like that.

I don't wish to get too dramatic, but it was a paap. There was genuinely no justifiable reason to do it. Usually, we point to the wife and say, "She must've been up to something" or "There's no smoke without fire" but in this case it was nothing. Crazy world.

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On 3/16/2019 at 9:45 AM, Premi5 said:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/stories-47562252

At 27, Minreet Kaur married a man she had met through a Sikh temple in west London. It turned out to be a disaster, and within a year she was back home with her parents. For 10 years now she has been hoping to find another husband, but has reached a bitter conclusion: most Sikh men don't want to marry a divorcee.

"If you divorce me, you will never marry again," my husband shouted at me before I left him. He said it to hurt me, but he knew it could turn out to be true. And so did I.

Divorce is shameful in the Sikh community, especially for women.

To begin with I was ashamed myself. I felt dirty and used. How could I look at another man when I knew he would regard me as used goods? 

Other people reinforced this feeling.

My grandma in London told me I should have worked at my marriage, even though she knew what I had been through. My dad's family in India said they were disappointed that I was home; I was a disgrace to them. My parents supported me 100% but I felt I had let them down.

For five years I hardly went out, but in 2013 I started to look again for a partner.

When I asked people to look out for a partner.

When I asked people to look out for a suitable man for me they would often be happy to help. They would start asking questions - how old I was, where I lived, where I worked - but as soon as told them I was divorced, their facial expression changed. It was a look that said, "we can't help you".

My marriage had been semi-arranged. People kept telling me I was getting old and putting pressure on me to marry, so I asked the temple in Southall to introduce me to someone. 

After my divorce, when I started looking for a new husband, I went to the Hounslow temple to register in its matrimonial book. I knew the temple would only introduce me to members of my own caste, even though caste isn't important to me. But what I didn't know was that, since I was a divorcee, they would only introduce me to divorced men.

Once the volunteer saw my details on the form I had filled in he said: "Here are two men who are divorced - they are the only ones suitable for you.

But in at least two temples I have seen divorced men being introduced to women who have never previously married. So why can't divorced women be introduced to men who have not been married before? It's as though men can never be responsible for a divorce, only women. 

I asked the man in charge of the Hounslow temple's matrimonial service, Mr Grewal, to explain this to me and he told me it wasn't his choice - it was the men looking for a bride, and their parents, who said they didn't want a divorcee.

"They are not going to accept divorce, as it shouldn't happen in the Sikh community, if we follow the faith," he said.

But actually Sikhs do get divorced sometimes, just like everyone else. The 2018 British Sikh Report says that 4% have been divorced and another 1% have separated. Some of those who admit to having been divorced may have remarried, but I'm quite sure that a larger number tick the "single" box even though they are divorced - it's such a taboo.

As divorce becomes more common, attitudes will most likely change. Younger people have told me it's not such a big issue for them. But in my generation, even people who have divorced sisters or daughters in their own family will still judge another divorced woman outside their family.

These are the kinds of things people say to me: "You are too old to have kids, you are going to find it hard to meet someone now - you've left it too late. You should just find anyone and marry them."

(Actually, at 38 I'm not too old to have children. It's just another prejudice.)

Sometimes I'm told: "Min, it's going to be very difficult to meet someone in the UK, you're better off meeting someone in India."

When my mum asked one of her friend's sons if he knew anyone for me, he told us I was like a "scratched car".

I know I have made things difficult for myself by looking not just for a Sikh but for a turbanned Sikh. There are more than 22,000 Sikhs in Hounslow, so probably 11,000 are men. Only a small proportion of them are in the right age group, and unmarried. And of those who are, many don't wear a turban.

The turban is important to me, though. Faith is important to me - the Sikh faith that says that men and women are equal and that we should not judge one another.

I don't want to meet men who are just out for a laugh and don't want to settle down. But nor do I want to meet men who want a housekeeper rather than a wife, and ask questions like, "can you cook?" the first time we meet. I am an independent person who wants a partner for companionship.

Last month I was introduced to someone through a friend. It was a familiar story. He said he wasn't interested in a divorcee. He was in his 40s, but he expected women to come with no history.

After meeting about 40 different men over the last 10 years, it's only in the last few months that I have begun to think about considering non-turbanned Sikhs, and even non-Sikhs. Some of my friends have already taken this step.

By telling my story I am hoping I will help to remove the stigma of being a divorced woman. Maybe it will encourage more women to speak up. And if women are trapped in an abusive marriage because of the taboo of divorce, I would urge them to leave. We are human beings, and we deserve to be treated equally.

In Sikhi divorce is a bad thing for a reason but even then people do get divorced very quick these days and even if she is divorced if shes a pretty girl there will be no end of men wanting to get with her. Perhaps shes the one with the problem maybe too choosy/picky or too hard to get on with shes got a personality disorder? is very hard work? all kinds of issues she may have that men just dont find attractive to want to marry her for. I'll be honest most Sikh guys prefer non-divorcee women and especially sikh mothers do not want a divorcee for a daughter in law. They see it as too much baggage and suspicious of what the woman got divorced and they are scared she will divorce again because shes done it one already. Divorce literally ruins and rips apart families. And its perfectly understandable and logical why most Sikh families stay clear of divorced women.

Also Sikh men are stupid for tolerating subtle sikhphobic content from bbc news call it out when you see it but instead we debate it we do self loathing exercises. Clearly BBC news is trolling Sikhs here cos they never ask Sikh men these questions always letting the women feel the victim yet no support no sympathetic articles about Sikh men and their struggles in life.

Come on guys call out the anti-men anti-sikh agenda see the bigger picture look whose writing the articles and what effect it has.

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BBC is supposed to do so many Sikh articles under its licence agenda, A anti-Sikh articles pass as a Sikh article which Sikhs pay 150 quid for the privilege, why don't Sikh challenge the BBC they would not treat Islam this way. this article was the Sikh coverage for the 550 guru Nanak celebrations.

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On 3/20/2019 at 8:26 AM, genie said:

Clearly BBC news is trolling Sikhs here cos they never ask Sikh men these questions always letting the women feel the victim yet no support no sympathetic articles about Sikh men and their struggles in life.

 

3 hours ago, joker said:

BBC they would not treat Islam this way.

Very right, the both of you.

The BBC love showing Sikh women as oppressed by "evil brown men with beards", but of course they would never do that with Islam because the Muslims would bomb BBC headquarters. Not proposing a bombing, of course, but I am saying that pressure should be applied.

If the Sikhs got together to protest the BBC at their headquarters, they would write a news article saying that the Sikhs were trying to physically intimidate journalists.

Of course, no such intimidation or protests are necessary by Muslims because the intimidation occurs without protests in the minds of BBC bosses who are mentally cowed because they know the Muslims will physically hurt them for writing against Muslims and Islam.

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Historically, the BBC have been merely tolerant of Sikhs. Not warm or friendly. We definitely have never been afforded the benefit of the doubt as Hindus and, in recent times, the Muslim community have been granted.  It seems we're forever in a precarious position of being on a tightrope of acceptance or rejection. 

In the past, they've been favourable to us as long as we've towed the line of multi-culture/religion, which relegates our faith and our beliefs as a secondary concern, i.e. diluting the very source of our supposed strength and identity. They also seem to favour us when we act the clowns for their entertainment. 

When they turn on the Sikh community, it usually happens when we wish to assert our identity, our rights and our opinions in conjunction with something (as others see it) negative to say about the Indian state; when we express misgivings about Islam and some of its adherents, and now in recent times with the preponderance of gender politics as it relates to minority communities such as ours, they've latched onto the policy of undermining our ways by giving certain females from our community a very public opportunity to grind their respective axes in order to undermine from within.  

The BBC is vehemently anti-Sikh, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's a purposeful and carefully co-ordinated strategy between the Indian state and the intelligence services of this country to gradually chip away at Sikh integrity, or at least its perception amongst the population, to keep us cowed and unable to assert ourselves. One less minority community to worry about, particularly one that hasn't any geopolitical presence and aspirations that need to be placated and encouraged for various other ends and purposes that would benefit this country.

I keep saying it, but we had a golden opportunity in the 70s and 80s to "do something" for Sikhs, but poor leadership combined with the eventual economic and general international emergence of India as an economic force and a country that can't be allowed to fail or disintegrate from within, means the most realistic opportunity available to us was lost.

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