I agree . We have been brainwashed into believing that we cannot stand on our own and cannot control punjab. This is psychological warfare. Alot of apne think we are not worthy of running our own state .
Are your dreams Krodh or Kaam? The above answer is for Krodh.
You can listen to talks by Lester Levenson and Larry Crane on youtube. Lester shared the Sedona method of releasing and meditating.
They sell a cheesy marketed book called the abundance course. Ignore the name and do the exercises. Get the workbook one. Bah. They jacked the price after Larry died. I'll find one pdf and you can print it.
You'll get to enjoy something outside of Sikhi that fundamnetally links to Sikhi.
You have to take up the parts of Sikhi you want, or are capable of living up to. It sounds like you've had the Guru Granth Sahib forced on you.
Which means. Some Sikh things will work for you, and some wont until they're freed from the attachments and aversions to Sikhi.
So you may have to work outside angles and Sikhi both until Sikhi belongs to you not your family or people's perceptions.