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Unable to forgive myself


Guest Guilty and a fake
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On 4/20/2019 at 12:32 AM, Guest Guilty and a fake said:

 

Well we went pesh and without describing the actual nature of these two activities to the panj pyare we just told them we had 'committed wrong bodily actions' to which the panj pyare asked was it a bujjar kuret? We said yes. So then we were given our tankhah and 're took Amrit dee daat.'

 

how is it bujjar kurahit? 

On 4/21/2019 at 4:36 PM, Guest BJ kurehit said:

Read Sri Triya Charitar to educate yourself 

THIS, please read this bani!

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Thank you so much to all of the replies especially the last 3 Gursikhs. I feel much better now that you have given some kind words. I will try and read the Gurbanee you suggested. You guys really are great souls. Thank you once again.

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On 4/20/2019 at 12:32 AM, Guest Guilty and a fake said:

Gurufateh jio

I will cut to the chase I posted a thread a while back explaining how my husband and I had done some explicit sexual acts and how I regretted it and we wanted to go pesh for it....

Well we went pesh and without describing the actual nature of these two activities to the panj pyare we just told them we had 'committed wrong bodily actions' to which the panj pyare asked was it a bujjar kuret? We said yes. So then we were given our tankhah and 're took Amrit dee daat.'

Ok so now fast forward to present day; I still feel guilty for what I did... my husband tells me that we have been forgiven and I should move on but I just feel so guilty and tainted and ashamed...Being in bana all the time and having committed such acts makes me feel like a fraud. I just don't feel like I deserve this Bana, Sikhi or even my Guru...I just want to start again. I wish we could be remarried and I would never commit such actions...

I will be honest sometimes when we get intimate my husband still tells me how much he would love to carryout those acts but I tell him no. We need to be good. Then there are times when I tease him about wanting to do those actions with him. It is like the mind likes to ponder in this filth but my concious reminds me no we have already been pesh. No more. We have never re committed these acts but it is always there in my mind that I am no longer a 'pure singhni' - I am just a fake. I don't think I can ever bring my pride for being a daufhter of dasam pita again. I just feel so disgusted in myself. I feel I have let everyone, my Guru, Sangat and myself down. People must take 1 look at me and think wow - Khalsa! But they don't know what a disgusting bit3h I really am...I don't think I can ever forgive myself....

From what you are saying. Sounds like you engaged in some kind of webcam illicit actions or maybe swinging. 

Whatever it is. It seems like your husband is the one that is making you think and carry out these acts to satisfy his depraved fantasies and thus dragging you along with him. 

Sex ia often said to be a drug. Where one engages in bigger and bigger more illicit acts to get a high. Ie your always trying yo do more illicit acts to reach the same sexual highs. Similar to a drug user who needs to take more and more stronger drugs to achieve this high. 

 

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Guest GuestSingh
On 4/21/2019 at 9:50 AM, puzzled said:

How are s3xual acts within marriage a sin!  Im confused! 

her point is about kaam which is a sin...

On 4/21/2019 at 12:27 PM, Redoptics said:

Hmmm you can be as sexual as you like with your husband as long its the two of you

dnt go giving her ideas - she says shes amritdhari so this should be the last thing on her mind, not the first....

On 4/25/2019 at 4:11 PM, T_Singh said:

Hello,

Intimacy between yourself and your partner  is fine so I am not sure why you are feeling guilty.  Please try not to over think.  Your are still a Khalsa you have been pesh and your lekha has been ripped apart by the Punj piaare and that in itself (presenting yourself in front on the punj) is a very noble act.  

 

Try not to over think, try to do some Sangat of gursikhs locally.

Your brother

T Singh 

depends on the level/intensity n amount of intimacy...

On 4/25/2019 at 5:30 PM, Guest Sat said:

Have sex but don't get carried away by lust.

n how do they do that? sex itself can become an addiction as u already knw...so that aint gd advice

its like saying eat food and drink but dnt go to the toilet..so in the same way too much makes us fat or unhealthy, too much sex gets  someone addicted as mentioned above, leaving the mind constantly thinking about it as the op says and looking for the next extreme to get that same satisfaction without it being boring....

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3 hours ago, GuestSingh said:

her point is about kaam which is a sin...

dnt go giving her ideas - she says shes amritdhari so this should be the last thing on her mind, not the first....

depends on the level/intensity n amount of intimacy...

n how do they do that? sex itself can become an addiction as u already knw...so that aint gd advice

its like saying eat food and drink but dnt go to the toilet..so in the same way too much makes us fat or unhealthy, too much sex gets  someone addicted as mentioned above, leaving the mind constantly thinking about it as the op says and looking for the next extreme to get that same satisfaction without it being boring....

I didn't give any idea's.

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  • 1 month later...
On 4/21/2019 at 7:44 AM, MisterrSingh said:

Talk to a fellow Singhni or thrash it out with your husband, and stop trying to induce the males on this site to further enquire as to the particulars of your salacious nocturnal activities. Rando internet weirdos aren't of much help in these situations.

Everyone else: don't fall for the bait.

Hey! Who are you to post a normal, balanced, post of wisdom?

This is a forum for flame-baiting. Get with the program.

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On 5/1/2019 at 11:10 AM, GuestSingh said:

n how do they do that? sex itself can become an addiction as u already knw...so that aint gd advice

Agreed that sex can become an addition, but that still does not make it a bujjer kurehit.

On 5/1/2019 at 11:10 AM, GuestSingh said:

its like saying eat food and drink but dnt go to the toilet.

No, it's like saying eat food, but don't overeat.

Now, it's not a good idea to overeat, and it will have bad consequences, but it's still not a bajjar kurehit. If you find you are overeating, then stop. Or get help. From a friend, a doctor, or whoever.

But you don't have to go pesh because you overindulged in sex with your husband.

If you committed adultery, you do have to go pesh.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/20/2019 at 2:32 AM, Guest Guilty and a fake said:

Gurufateh jio

I will cut to the chase I posted a thread a while back explaining how my husband and I had done some explicit sexual acts and how I regretted it and we wanted to go pesh for it....

Well we went pesh and without describing the actual nature of these two activities to the panj pyare we just told them we had 'committed wrong bodily actions' to which the panj pyare asked was it a bujjar kuret? We said yes. So then we were given our tankhah and 're took Amrit dee daat.'

Ok so now fast forward to present day; I still feel guilty for what I did... my husband tells me that we have been forgiven and I should move on but I just feel so guilty and tainted and ashamed...Being in bana all the time and having committed such acts makes me feel like a fraud. I just don't feel like I deserve this Bana, Sikhi or even my Guru...I just want to start again. I wish we could be remarried and I would never commit such actions...

I will be honest sometimes when we get intimate my husband still tells me how much he would love to carryout those acts but I tell him no. We need to be good. Then there are times when I tease him about wanting to do those actions with him. It is like the mind likes to ponder in this filth but my concious reminds me no we have already been pesh. No more. We have never re committed these acts but it is always there in my mind that I am no longer a 'pure singhni' - I am just a fake. I don't think I can ever bring my pride for being a daufhter of dasam pita again. I just feel so disgusted in myself. I feel I have let everyone, my Guru, Sangat and myself down. People must take 1 look at me and think wow - Khalsa! But they don't know what a disgusting bit3h I really am...I don't think I can ever forgive myself....

Just forgive yourself and move on. God loves us unconditionally. I have made awful mistakes and sinned so badly also. Even the Gurus accepted themselves as sinners. 

We move forward on the bhagti path of love with his grace only. Get up and don't make the same mistake again. 

 

God bless you. 

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