Jump to content

Depression from Horrible Arranged Marraige


LifeIsBeautiful
 Share

Recommended Posts

Your the man  so make her live how you want her to live, make her live according to your terms. Take control. The relationship should be according to your terms.  Have a go at her if you have to   I personally don't see anything wrong with that ... 

I really don't understand why people still go to India to get married in this day and age. 

In my life iv had many females tell me how I'm really stubborn and it really frustrates them LMAO      at the end they come back to you   ... 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/23/2019 at 3:47 PM, Guest guest said:

???? why are you asking this?

 

6 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

U should confront ur wife. When next time she says she gonna leave you. Tell her please go. I will be very happy and will finally get some peace and mind. And if u cant suppport our kid on ur own, u can send the kid to me. 

And if she changes her mind, or makes an excuse not to go. Tell her, leave now or if u stay follow these rules. Or i will kick u out.

She will yell and make a scene. Let her, stay firm and mean it. 

U will have a kid soon, and u dont want to raise it in a roxic environment, where the dad is always running away from the house and the mom acts like a shrew. 

I know u said u dont want to go back on ur laavan. But i think as long as u dont remarry,  u r ok. 

Make an ultimatum when she threatens u to leave. And have her leave or stay on ur terms. Be strong, dont back down. 

Some types of ppl only understand tough language. Tell her the rules are: u will not nag me, which means only tell me a thing once. And not repeat things. Or u can even put a time limit. We will talk from 3-4 pm everyday, all other times only as necessary. From 3 to 4, u can complain and moan as much as u want. Also u must respect my parents.

Tell her, i dont need u, i can get married again if i choose. So if u want to stay married, act better not like a spoiled child. (Ofc u wont get married again. But some ppl need fear to behave.)

Being mr. Nice guy has not worked. Now act like mr. In control guy. 

Also some of ur problems could be due to cultural problems. She was probably taught to be assertive in the beginning of the relationship, so that she wont be treated like a doormat. 

So tell her, if u stay, u must act like human being. We will not coerce u or have any drama like in indian families, so please drop the act.  Tell her this is uk, and if u treat us with respect we will treat u the same way. If u r going to be rude, please leave, we r not such coarse ppl. 

 

Thank you veerji for posting this, I can honestly say I want no one man to go what I have gone in the last 3 years. I was very fortunate that I had very good hard working parents. You are incredibly right, I think this is the way to go. 

 

I appreciate your help, I honestly don't know who to turn to. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/24/2019 at 3:53 AM, LifeIsBeautiful said:

My wife won't do any housework, she does'nt work. She doesn't respect my parents or grandparents. My parents were like, she will change, her parents aren't any help. She has been a cheraal ever since she got to Canada.  I honestly put two hands folded to anyone, dont ever find someone in india, be single, dont make the mistake I did. I am from a wealthy family, if I could I would have been able to get married. I dont' drink, smoke, I have good values. 


I have 1 child on the way, my wife has threatened to leave me several times, I sometimes smile and ask to God, why I was chosen with this person. I have kept praying to God, never losing faith, but feel saddened why I can't leave her. There's days where I have thought of going mental, because I am living in this hell.

 

The only reason I wont' leave her is I did lavan infront of Guru Granth Sahiab. I know for some, it's a just a play, but I took it very seriously.

Is there any [articular reason you decided to get married in India, it's been discussed countless times on this forum, especially about the cultural differences with Punjabi's in India and those of use that are born and bred in other countries, did you try and find a wife from the same country that your from.

The only way you'll find resolution is communication, at some point she'll have to hear what your saying, how you communicate is up to you, you will need her parent's to listen to you as well, if they don't listen directly then i'd suggest getting an older family member to do the talking, the last hing any parent wan't (especially in India) is their married daughter being dropped off back in the pind because the marriage did't work.

If you want to take the route of making threats, telling her you'll cancel her visa, you'll get married again and god know's what else has been mention then that's up to you fella, in my experience things like that will tend to cause more harm than good.

On a side note, i'd love to know how many people who give marital advice here are actually married and understand exactly how much hard work goes into a marriage to make it work, I've been married for over 16 years and we still argue, bicker and fight, it's human nature but we always find a resolution and more importantly know what our boundaries are, we've been through the "making threats" phase, it doesn't work, trust me.

It's commendably that you take your laavan seriously, your right, for some people it is just done for show.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Satnaam
On 4/24/2019 at 5:53 AM, LifeIsBeautiful said:

 

Veerji,

My wife won't do any housework, she does'nt work. She doesn't respect my parents or grandparents. My parents were like, she will change, her parents aren't any help. She has been a cheraal ever since she got to Canada.  I honestly put two hands folded to anyone, dont ever find someone in india, be single, dont make the mistake I did. I am from a wealthy family, if I could I would have been able to get married. I dont' drink, smoke, I have good values. 


I have 1 child on the way, my wife has threatened to leave me several times, I sometimes smile and ask to God, why I was chosen with this person. I have kept praying to God, never losing faith, but feel saddened why I can't leave her. There's days where I have thought of going mental, because I am living in this hell.

 

The only reason I wont' leave her is I did lavan infront of Guru Granth Sahiab. I know for some, it's a just a play, but I took it very seriously.

 

Try marriage counselling. If she has a conscience she may begin to change.

 

A family member of mine had anger issues and was emotionally abusive, and since going to counseling he's changed for the better. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, LifeIsBeautiful said:

 

 

Thank you veerji for posting this, I can honestly say I want no one man to go what I have gone in the last 3 years. I was very fortunate that I had very good hard working parents. You are incredibly right, I think this is the way to go. 

 

I appreciate your help, I honestly don't know who to turn to. 

If you are from the uk. You should ask advice from married ppl like baljit singh of basics of sikhi. Or sikh_dad from instagram. Maybe also bhai sukha singh uk from london. 

Or get someone elderly to sit down with u and ur wife. And that person can mefiate between you two. You tell ur side and she says her side. Or u can even try calling ur wifes mom and telling her that she is being very rude and has ruined ur peace...keep doing ardaas and keep doing ur best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh

'Depression from a horrible arranged marriage'

A point and a question.

Point : I doubt you have depression from that one solitary issue. It's usually from a comulative inability to deal with stree per se. That issue, i.e. an argumentative wife, obviously brings you stress but I think you need to understand 2 things:

a) Girls from rural Punjab argue and bicker a lot. It's what they do. They draw strength from that argumentative nature. However, instead of drawing strength from it you are letting it weaken you. How you deal with it is in your control.

b) You, and all young adults, need to understand that adult life is full of stressful situations. You're looking for utopia but utopia doesn't actually exist. Adult life, especially when you become a parent, is so full of stressful situations that if you let it get to you so often and so easily it will destroy you and you will not be able to function. The trick is to always remember that you don't actually have it that bad compared to some others.

Question: You chose to mention the word 'arranged' in your thread title even though it isn't that relevant to the scenario. So, my question is: is the marriage 'horrible' because it's horrible or is it horrible because it's arranged ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If there is any reason why in the past daughter-in-laws were treated harshly by their mother-in-laws, the girl presented here provides the example.

We call our culture backward and repressive and we consider ourselves enlightened and tried to do things differently  but maybe our forefathers were right all along.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Ranjeet01 said:

If there is any reason why in the past daughter-in-laws were treated harshly by their mother-in-laws, the girl presented here provides the example.

We call our culture backward and repressive and we consider ourselves enlightened and tried to do things differently  but maybe our forefathers were right all along.

I just don't understand the need for constant drama. Why not just perform your duties according to your role in the family without any of the nonsense. It has to be upbringing and a lack of common sense, because this sort of behaviour isn't a constant across the entire community. It's a very base way of existing: prolonged negativity, simmering emotions of resentment, etc. What a crap life for these people. What's even worse is those who accept it as some inevitability; an inescapable reality of life. That's total bakwaas peddled by weak individuals who lack the will to act. A Sikh male cowed and bullied into submission by the women in his life loses all right to manhood. Pathetic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

I just don't understand the need for constant drama. Why not just perform your duties according to your role in the family without any of the nonsense. It has to be upbringing and a lack of common sense, because this sort of behaviour isn't a constant across the entire community. It's a very base way of existing: prolonged negativity, simmering emotions of resentment, etc. What a crap life for these people. What's even worse is those who accept it as some inevitability; an inescapable reality of life. That's total bakwaas peddled by weak individuals who lack the will to act. A Sikh male cowed and bullied into submission by the women in his life loses all right to manhood. Pathetic.

For some people, they need drama in their lives. If they cannot get it, they will create it

Gaining attention for them is the most important thing for them.

The best way to deal with these type of people is to ignore them and starve them off the attention. 

They look for a reaction as they feed off this energy.

The best way to deal with them is to not react and look at them in a dead pan indifferent way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use