Husband passed away

[Guest Ssa]

Ssaji 

I have lost my husband some time ago and he meant everything to me. He was a pure soul who never did anything wrong to anyone. He was a great person and even a better husband. We were married for only 2 yrs but I have known him for over 10+ yrs. I feel our marriage was cursed or I have done some sins in our past lives that I am going through this pain in my life. I don’t know what to do anymore because he was my life and I feel I died with him as well. I miss him so much and just want to be with him. I really feel as if it’s our past lives sin that’s making me suffer in this life. I understand it’s wahegurus Hukam but I am really lost without my husband. He is the love of my life and my life is meaningless without him. I need to know what baani to read so i don’t suffer this pain in my another lifetime. I feel so lonely without him and each day is a struggle without him. I do goto gurdwara but I just wish to be with him.   

[Guest Hope]

Gurbani teaches us that in life we come alone and we go alone. We are United with relatives from past lives and we are separated from them again. This is part of coming and going that gurbani alerts us to and elevates us out from. 

 

I am truly sad and sorry to hear what you have been through/ are going through. The dukh (pain) of vichorra (seperation) is often described as the highest pain. To understand that this is hukam is correct, to ponder on what sin or mistake you may have made in a past life may not be what's best for you, particularly if you are in a fragile state this can be a very unhealthy path to go through and bring you no closer to truth. 

 

Instead take stock of what has happened, there may be a precious lesson to learn in this which is attaching ourselves to anyone or anything completely, ultimately leads to this state of suffering as death and seperation have always been part of existence. If from the depth of loneliness you can come to understand that ...

1) Partmatma that created everything is within you and around everywhere 

2) you are in a state of suffering ultimately because you yourself you are not  connected with parmatma

... then this may be a valuable lesson that you can take forward in your life, and your experience in this life could have been the price you had to pay to get there. 

Gurbani uses the seperation a female experiences from her husband as a metaphor for the relationship between the soul and parmatma. As individuals that is the only union we have that can be eternal, without it we will always be at a loss. 

Many people take to Sukhmani sahib to help them through difficult times, bani teaches us that through simran and devotion we can come to realise Parmatma completely and transcend the experiences of pain and pleasure. 

There is no substitute for commitment, devotion and sustained effort. If you are going to move forward from what's happened to you in this life... try to take hold of your Gurus hand and not let go until you are in Parmatmas embrace even if the journey takes lifetimes. 

 

 

[T_Singh]

Vaaheguru Jee,

I am very sorry to hear about your loss phenjee; I would recommend reading Sri Sukhmani Sahib also Dukh Bhanjani Sahib (this is a collection of small baani’s put together) 

You can find both in Gutke or online.

I know it must be very difficult at the moment but do try to sit with Guru sahib and try to do naam simran as Guru Jee says that’s the cure for difficult times.  

Please don’t hesitate to ask for anything futher.

I wish you well phenjee

[Redoptics]

I totally understand how you feel and what you are going through, and i am so sorry about your loss.

My wife also passed away recently and my feelings have been all over the place also, but this is typical behaviour of grief.

From 'Prashan Utter' questions and answers with Guru Gobind Singh Ji and Bhai Nand Lal '

Listen to the exposition by of the Guru with complete attention.(4)

In the evening listen to the Rehras,
And pay attention to the Kirtan (singing of Hymns) and Katha(Sermons).(5)

One who practices such a way,
Will attain the eternal bliss.(6)

The Sikh who revels in five routines,
He secures the emancipation for his twenty-one generations.(7)

Not only he achieves family’s emancipation, but also eternal bliss.
He saves his soul from transmigration.(8)

 

Follow this from Guru Gobind Singh Ji, https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Bhai_Nand_Lal_Rahitnama

 

Again so sorry for your loss, if you want to talk in private about anything pm me.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Feteh

[Guest]

I feel for you sister. 

Gurbani often uses the analogy of husband and wife to mirror the relationship of soul (bride) to god (husband) . Gurbani also says the soul longs for god , just as a woman longs for her husband

In your case, unfortunately, your husband has departed from the world. Gurbani says nothing is permanent in this world.

Sri Guru Teg Bahadur ji says "The world is like a bubble ." meaning it comes and goes abruptly .

In regards to your current situation, I can only advise you to start doing naam japp early in the morning. or mool mantar japp in early morning . 

For gurbani, you can read "Sukhmani sahib" along with translations. It will help you give peace of mind . Also keep doing ardas to guru sahib. 

God bless you. Bhul chuk maaf ji  

[Guest RabbDaAasra]

Guest ji

You are going thru a tough time, and it is very good that you are taking the support of gurbani. 

As everyone has mentioned do sukhmani sahib. Also if possible do japji sahib at dawn.

Here is some sikh literature that deals with grief and loss. Some is english, some in panjabi. I hope it helps

https://www.sikhri.org/piare_jio_o_beloved_the_fragrance_of_bhai_vir_singh

https://www.vidhia.com/Bhai Veer Singh Ji/Sat Aukhian Ratan-Bhai Vir Singh Punjabi.pdf

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DhJsphTTdBc

 

[Guest Birminghamman]

Fateh Ji

I lost my wife last year aug. we would have been married for 3 years the week after she passed away she was only 32 years old. why does god take young people so early? we had a whole life ahead of us buy a house, have kids etc. I always thought she would be ok we went to harminder sahib and prayed and did ardas and everything we could. we all thought everything will be fine and noting will happen to her. she was positive too that Waheguru will help and she will be ok, she used to do part day and night and always had Simran on. she used to say don't forget about Waheguru in our good times and bad times.  then 3 months after my dad passed away with cancer.

its hard loosing one person in the family but when you loose 2 people its very hard. I miss my wife a lot she was my best friends, my soulmate, I hope one day I will see her again and we will be together again. when I go to the gudwara and I sit down I just cry and cant believe all this has happened.

 

 

[Guest Sat]

On 5/23/2019 at 9:42 PM, Guest Ssa said:

Ssaji 

I have lost my husband some time ago and he meant everything to me. He was a pure soul who never did anything wrong to anyone. He was a great person and even a better husband. We were married for only 2 yrs but I have known him for over 10+ yrs. I feel our marriage was cursed or I have done some sins in our past lives that I am going through this pain in my life. I don’t know what to do anymore because he was my life and I feel I died with him as well. I miss him so much and just want to be with him. I really feel as if it’s our past lives sin that’s making me suffer in this life. I understand it’s wahegurus Hukam but I am really lost without my husband. He is the love of my life and my life is meaningless without him. I need to know what baani to read so i don’t suffer this pain in my another lifetime. I feel so lonely without him and each day is a struggle without him. I do goto gurdwara but I just wish to be with him.   

We come alone and we go alone. Love is unconditional. You loved him and still love him. Cherish that love, but we need to learn in this janam not to be dependant upon another soul. We are the Truth, and truth has no attachments or bonds, nor do we attach or bind others. 

Your husband walks on the next chapter of his journey. Your lesson here is one of the greatest a human can have here, realization that we are not forever and that we walk alone on the path. Yes we meet many on the way and we both accept support and support others as and when it's time but ultimately, the path and journey is ours. 

Excercise, meditate, discover yourself as the Truth. Even Nanak left his family and traveled the world, and taught many out of the Maya khel. Live, work hard, look after your body, meditate and enjoy your life.