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AjeetSingh2019

Wife graduates from passive-aggressive to full blown aggressive behavior and creates chaos in family

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8 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

You just proved my point. 

I know what lavaan means. You are an honourable person.

But because you follow the maryada and approach it in the right manner does not mean others will.

It is this one thing that is the flaw of us well-meaning Sikhs.

 

Would this be acceptable if you was Sikh living in the times of our Gurus? If you answer is 'No' then it's not acceptable because one thing people forget Guru Granth Sahib Ji is your living Guru. 

Edited by Redoptics

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40 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

. My cousin wants to be behungum/ celibate baba but his parents wont hear of it. 

 

Maybe he's gay too and using behungampuna to hide his Shame. Either that or he's incel lol

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6 minutes ago, Redoptics said:

Would this be acceptable if you was Sikh living in the times of our Gurus? If you answer is 'No' then it's not acceptable because one thing people forgot Guru Granth Sahib Ji is your living Guru. 

It is not acceptable. 

But you are coming across very naive in the ways of human nature. 

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33 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

Maybe he's gay too and using behungampuna to hide his Shame. Either that or he's incel lol

hes not. He just really into religion right now. After he graduated from high school. He started learning santhiya from local taksalis. Then he went to india and is learning sooraj parkash and dasam granth santhiya from a highly respected dera who learnt from sant gurbachan singh ji . In the west, to go live with the nihangs or join taksal are always the daydreams of young boys and parents have to disuade them. Marriage seems really boring in the early 20s...his parents want him to go to college to be engineer etc...seems really boring 

Also i did not want to change the subject about ur marriage problems and how ur treating ur wife. U do need to be nicer to her. If my father yelled at me and told me "why dont u know wat to buy for groceries, are u just there to eat?" i would be super hurt. Its basically telling me I am lazy and that they begrudge if I eat without helping out. There was a recent podcast about marriage and she said, "Its really hard to move from a house where u are loved to a house where no one cares about u."  Please be nice to her. Also the best way to foil her saajish, is not to participate or care. Then her passive aggressiveness wont matter. If she yells NO, to u asking her to go to gurudwara, say fine suit urself. And go have fun. 

 

30 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

It is not acceptable. 

But you are coming across very naive in the ways of human nature. 

why isnt it acceptable? in the olden days there wasnt really an option for gay men either unless it was celibacy i guess. I would think its a perfect solution. To live a householders life without lust. 

Maybe i am naive, but i like to think love/lust isnt important to marriage? 

Edited by Not2Cool2Argue

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There's brothers marrying sisters; fathers / uncles marrying daughters / nieces in order to emigrate to Canada albeit with one eye on a quick divorce once the job is done. It's happening by the pind-load in Punjab, and nobody seems to be batting an eyelid. Scratch the surface and it's clear there's very little that's taboo or morally suspect in the Punjabi mentality despite the surface level propriety. I don't agree with it myself, and it's something I'd never do, but then I don't walk in their shoes, so I wouldn't know how I'd react if confronted with certain circumstances. I'd like to think my principles aren't dependent on situational context and desires, but not everyone is prepared to draw a line and adhere to its limits. 

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1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

The western way was also one of pragmatism until recently relatively speaking. "Love" seems to have crept into the equation around the time society was entering the period where individualistic feelings and desires were seen to be preferable to reason and foresight. And here we are. But wait... there's more! 😁

What you call pragmatism our Gurus called selling your children and wrote specific instructions for what your duties were in looking for a life partner for your child.  , there was a level of care expected not like the other faiths, who openly condem women as gateways to hell, kalankan, slave like, to be beaten when ever you want and for the slightest pretext.

Men were expected to treat women as their spiritual equals, entitled to do bhagti, entitled to be loved (keypoint please note , this is Guru Teg Bahadur ji's bachan) , entitled to not be Married to relatives or oldmen , not to be sworn at, harassed, badgered for daaj, not to do fasts for his longevity, not hit, not abandoned if barren, to kill her daughters, or expect to vacate the familial home ince widowed or commit sati - these are concepts that our Gurus put in place.

Edited by jkvlondon
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The western system was if your daughter married her wealth would automaticallt go to the husband, there was no concept of alimony for women after divorce, if they weren't actively stigmatised as the bad one , because divorces would not be granted on basis of violence but only on adultery, that was only if your father decided not to save money and stuck you in a convent and pass your share to your brothers.

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3 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

What you call pragmatism our Gurus called selling your children and wrote specific instructions for what your duties were in looking for a life partner for your child.  , there was a level of care expected not like the other faiths, who openly condem women as gateways to hell, kalankan, slave like, to be beaten when ever you want and for the slightest pretext.

Men were expected to treat women as their spiritual equals, entitled to do bhagti, entitled to be loved (keypoint please note , this is Guru Teg Bahadur ji's bachan) , entitled to not be Married to relatives or oldmen , not to be sworn at, harassed, badgered for daaj, not to do fasts for his longevity, not hit, not abandoned if barren, to kill her daughters, or expect to vacate the familial home ince widowed or commit sati - these are concepts that our Gurus put in place.

Again, you've created a straw man erected on emotion in order to make a point and then proceeded to demolish it to win a so-called argument that wasn't even on the cards. 

Answer me one question: how many of our previous generations married for "love" as it's come to be defined in the 20th century and beyond? 

The remainder of your nonsense is your typically emotionally charged schtick, which I've informed you a few days ago isn't going to wash with me. 

DON'T put words in my mouth. I've warned you about this earlier. It's an underhand way of silencing dissent.

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6 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

There's brothers marrying sisters; fathers / uncles marrying daughters / nieces in order to emigrate to Canada albeit with one eye on a quick divorce once the job is done. It's happening by the pind-load in Punjab, and nobody seems to be batting an eyelid. Scratch the surface and it's clear there's very little that's taboo or morally suspect in the Punjabi mentality despite the surface level propriety. I don't agree with it myself, and it's something I'd never do, but then I don't walk in their shoes, so I wouldn't know how I'd react if confronted with certain circumstances. I'd like to think my principles aren't dependent on situational context and desires, but not everyone is prepared to draw a line and adhere to its limits. 

i must be dense, i still dont get how a gay person getting married is a bad thing. 

I get 2 gay men getting married as a bad thing, but not between a gay man and a women.

I thought the best advice we could give a gay person, was to get married and have wife and kids and not to stray. 

I mean that is what all religions advocate for. From catholics to mormans. 

Forget ur gayness, its a delusion, and get married. Right? I mean it was only recently that ppl accepted being gay isnt a choice...

 

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20 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

hes not. He just really into religion right now. After he graduated from high school. He started learning santhiya from local taksalis. Then he went to india and is learning sooraj parkash and dasam granth santhiya from a highly respected dera who learnt from sant gurbachan singh ji . In the west, to go live with the nihangs or join taksal are always the daydreams of young boys and parents have to disuade them. Marriage seems really boring in the early 20s...his parents want him to go to college to be engineer etc...seems really boring 

Also i did not want to change the subject about ur marriage problems and how ur treating ur wife. U do need to be nicer to her. If my father yelled at me and told me "why dont u know wat to buy for groceries, are u just there to eat?" i would be super hurt. Its basically telling me I am lazy and that they begrudge if I eat without helping out. There was a recent podcast about marriage and she said, "Its really hard to move from a house where u are loved to a house where no one cares about u."  Please be nice to her. Also the best way to foil her saajish, is not to participate or care. Then her passive aggressiveness wont matter. If she yells NO, to u asking her to go to gurudwara, say fine suit urself. And go have fun. 

 

why isnt it acceptable? in the olden days there wasnt really an option for gay men either unless it was celibacy i guess. I would think its a perfect solution. To live a householders life without lust. 

Maybe i am naive, but i like to think love/lust isnt important to marriage? 

Because sex does play a part in marriage.

If you don't have lust for your wife, how can you expect to not have sex and how do children come about?

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Just now, MisterrSingh said:

Again, you've created a straw man erected on emotion in order to make a point and then proceeded to demolish it to win a so-called argument that wasn't even on the cards. 

Answer me one question: how many of our previous generations married for "love" as it's come to be defined in the 20th century and beyond? 

The remainder of your nonsense is your typically emotionally charged schtick, which I've informed you a few days ago isn't going to wash with me. 

DON'T put words in my mouth. I've warned you about this earlier. It's an underhand way of silencing dissent.

What did our forefathers do they looked at our personalities and matched them to someone who would complete us in our lacks e.g. Hot head with calm sabha , even down to looks , they even looked at the families to make sure their kid would fit in and find love of all kinds familial and marital. just because they didn't name/say it explicit'y doesn't mean they didn't consider it i.e.they were doing the thinking and selection on her behalf . Sikh ideal of love is heavy on the spiritual so in those households they would lean more onto that criterion , because where thereis a meeting of minds, respect, friendship and love follow. BTW this was explainedto me by bazurg .

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6 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

i must be dense, i still dont get how a gay person getting married is a bad thing. 

I get 2 gay men getting married as a bad thing, but not between a gay man and a women.

I thought the best advice we could give a gay person, was to get married and have wife and kids and not to stray. 

I mean that is what all religions advocate for. From catholics to mormans. 

Forget ur gayness, its a delusion, and get married. Right? I mean it was only recently that ppl accepted being gay isnt a choice...

 

There's a certain school of thought that suggests gay men of previous generations (I'm referring to hundreds of years in the past leading up to the tail end of the last century) considered marriage and their contribution to the bearing of children an unassailable duty that was necessary for a functioning and healthy society. Gay husbands provided for their families in all the ways a heterosexual man did. It was only when the social sciences that were pioneered in the middle of the last century deemed it was necessary to emancipate the "oppressed" homosexual do we find ourselves in a situation where gay men are as confused, angry, and depressed with their lot in life more than any other period in history despite the apparent leaps and bounds in attitudes. Much of this strife has originated from transforming marriage from a transactional and pragmatic partnership to one where psychological politicking, delusion and personal feelings trump reason. 

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Look I am not trying to he funny, just follow what Guru Granth Sahib Ji says, if you are following Sikhi, if  not go somewhere else, people muddy the waters to try and put their way of thought forward. I am nothing to my Guru Granth Sahib Ji, I humbly put my head to them, I suggest you do the same. Unless in your ego you think you know more than Guru Ji does.

Edited by Redoptics

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58 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Maybe i am naive, but i like to think love/lust isnt important to marriage? 

I don't think this is true. Many females elope with other men when they feel they aren't getting what they desire in this respect. 

I'm sure we've all seen mismatches with couples where one has a high sex drive and the other doesn't. This usually leads to trouble. At the very least, an angry wife.

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