Bengali Problem

[Guest Respect Bengali Sikh]

On 2/11/2020 at 9:43 PM, Guest BroodySingh said:

Problem is I have never been a strict harsh father. I feel I didn’t have to because I taught my kids right from wrong and they were nice children growing up. The odd tantrum when they didn’t get their way was met with disdain and no malicious behaviour or temperament from them.

One summer during the lads puberty I noticed a change in his behaviour- bare faced lies that just didn’t add up. I scolded and lectured him when he was caught out but seemed to have no effect. He deceitfully met a teenage girl on a pre-arranged trip giving us ‘evidence’ he was meeting a male friend. He was rumbled and given a ticking off. He lost a privilege that I saw through to the end as a result. His mother wavered but I didn’t on principle. 

A family member has similar aged kids and is very strict with them and always has been. They wouldn’t dream of pulling a stunt like this for the fear factor runs deep. Part of me wonders should I have been too and saved me from this hassle now.

But if the girl clearly hates Islam and would be ready to become Sikh then what's problem?

Many women born to Muslim parents are desperate to leave the slavery of Islam + hence they marry non-Muslims

There are ethnic Bengali's who happen to be Sikh. Not very many but some for sure. So Islam not Bengali is the problem

[Guest BroodySingh]

I don’t know if the young lady in question hates Islam. 

She comes from a culture that is alien to me and my family. 

His mother remarked to me that had this girl been punjabi and from a Sikh family she probably would be ok with it and gradually (if the relationship lasted another 1-2 years) we’d look to meet her family and begin things formally.

We still would be unhappy if he was seeing a black, Chinese or white girl. Think he will go his own way and I’ll cut him loose.

[dallysingh101]

On 2/11/2020 at 9:43 PM, Guest BroodySingh said:

Problem is I have never been a strict harsh father. I feel I didn’t have to because I taught my kids right from wrong and they were nice children growing up. The odd tantrum when they didn’t get their way was met with disdain and no malicious behaviour or temperament from them.

One summer during the lads puberty I noticed a change in his behaviour- bare faced lies that just didn’t add up. I scolded and lectured him when he was caught out but seemed to have no effect. He deceitfully met a teenage girl on a pre-arranged trip giving us ‘evidence’ he was meeting a male friend. He was rumbled and given a ticking off. He lost a privilege that I saw through to the end as a result. His mother wavered but I didn’t on principle. 

A family member has similar aged kids and is very strict with them and always has been. They wouldn’t dream of pulling a stunt like this for the fear factor runs deep. Part of me wonders should I have been too and saved me from this hassle now.

I've helped raised a number of boys in my family, including some with absent fathers, So I have multiple experiences, and not all of them ended like a fairytale. Plus I worked with teenagers as a teacher for a bit so I feel I have some valid experiences in this domain. 

You CAN NOT predict how a kid is going to turn out. Sometimes the ones that acted rotten and belligerent when growing up turn out half decent when older, and the ones who you'd never ever perceive a certain way (because they were so sweet, honest and caring when growing up) can grow up to be completely self-centred, lying a-holes who wouldn't give you the time of day!

And another thing, believe you me, kids do not respond to strictness in uniform ways. Whereas one might buckle and comply as a result of strictness - another could become belligerent and defiant as f**k as a reaction. So don't delude yourself and act like you could've controlled everything. 

All I will say is that if the child is naturally spirited and free willed (as it seems), overbearing constant criticism is the WORST thing a parent could do, and will only make them even more resentful and defiant. Be warned. 

[jkvlondon]

On 2/9/2020 at 3:22 PM, dallysingh101 said:

This doesn't sound like a healthy father and son relationship to me. Sounds like a lot of overbearing, over parenting is going on, which the child resents. 

Or the son could a be a real ish and the parents are trying to keep a lid on his kartoots so others do not suffer , sounds like he's the eldest given the tone of the situation . He sounds entitled and spoilt , the father needs to interject when this kid shouts at his Missus , that is his life partner getting ragged on . Yes kids are a challenge but you still have to set boundaries even now , he has a very small mental age and is acting like a sulky teenager . First refuse to talk about his coupledom until he proves himself as a responsible adult by earning and making a proper future for himself . Perhaps seeing exactly how hard life is to set up and maintain  it may cool his heels and the stress of having to look after someone other than himself may make him think twice if he is ready .

[dallysingh101]

3 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

Or the son could a be a real ish and the parents are trying to keep a lid on his kartoots so others do not suffer , sounds like he's the eldest given the tone of the situation . He sounds entitled and spoilt , the father needs to interject when this kid shouts at his Missus , that is his life partner getting ragged on . Yes kids are a challenge but you still have to set boundaries even now , he has a very small mental age and is acting like a sulky teenager . First refuse to talk about his coupledom until he proves himself as a responsible adult by earning and making a proper future for himself . Perhaps seeing exactly how hard life is to set up and maintain  it may cool his heels and the stress of having to look after someone other than himself may make him think twice if he is ready .

I think putting them out in real life can help. That's if he doesn't end up a crackhead or getting stabbed up or something. WIth boys like this you have to let them do their own thing. You have to take a tough decision and live with it. 

Surely anything beats constantly having to whine at home and having a shyte atmosphere!! It's not like the world out there isn't tough enough - for someone to have to come home and deal with ish in their so called sanctuary from it. 

Honestly, I now believe apnay are generally shyte at parenting  (not all but many) and that explains a lot of our issues.