Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Harditsingh

How can I find this type of wife

Recommended Posts

I am 23 and i want to get married but the problem is that I can't find the type women I am looking for here. I want a girl who dresses modestly isn't into partying one who enjoys books helping her mother etc the girls in my area are not like this and are all into parties and functions and being all show offy. 

Does anybody here have similar problwms?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Harditsingh said:

I am 23 and i want to get married but the problem is that I can't find the type women I am looking for here. I want a girl who dresses modestly isn't into partying one who enjoys books helping her mother etc the girls in my area are not like this and are all into parties and functions and being all show offy. 

Does anybody here have similar problwms?

 

That's the type of wife that everyone wants lol   

A punjabi girl started working with me, she was polite, soft spoken, loved reading etc   and then     she told me she drinks and parties    lol    

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Harditsingh said:

I am 23 and i want to get married but the problem is that I can't find the type women I am looking for here. I want a girl who dresses modestly isn't into partying one who enjoys books helping her mother etc the girls in my area are not like this and are all into parties and functions and being all show offy. 

Does anybody here have similar problwms?

 

If you want girl around your age group then they will likely  be in their party years. 

These girls reach their epiphany around 27-28 years of age because the big 3-0 is coming. 

That is when.they get very interested in settling down.

You are only 23, why are you in such a rush to get married?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest 22Singh

I think the only thing we can do is have faith in guru maharaj and just keep doing ardas from the heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Harditsingh said:

I am 23 and i want to get married but the problem is that I can't find the type women I am looking for here. I want a girl who dresses modestly isn't into partying one who enjoys books helping her mother etc the girls in my area are not like this and are all into parties and functions and being all show offy. 

Does anybody here have similar problwms?

 

They say you can do Laavan the paath daily and ardaas for a good wife. 

But also look for good girls in strict, conservative families. Usually those families aligned with a samparda or a jatha. Like taksal or nanaksar. But be vigilant, sometimes the girls can decieve their parents. 

Also you can ask a respected Babaji in an organization or jatha to look for a rishta. This is how my sister got married. Because he will know other good, religious families, he will find you those type of ppl. But regardless, it is your responsibility to do a thorough background check and determine compatibility. 

Also i think you are a bit young to be married. Enjoy your sirdardi less, responsibility less days. And start earning kamaii. Start doing early amrit vela, nitnem of all of panj granthi, after school do 5 japji sahibs a day, at least 1 sukhmani sahib daily. 20 mins simran before sleeping.

And you can use this time to learn. Skills like tabla, martial arts, coding, penny stocks, yoga, archery, gatka, cooking, langar seva, welding, woodcrafting.  Listen to katha of all of guru granth sahib ji, read all of sooraj parkash by reading one sakhi a day. 

Read sikh books from authors like bhai veer singh, bhai randheer singh in english ir panjabi.

Go join taksaal or a nihung jatha for a summer. 

Attend sikhi camps worldwide. 

Have fun, widen your horizons before you become a family man.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Be_kind
8 hours ago, Harditsingh said:

I am 23 and i want to get married but the problem is that I can't find the type women I am looking for here. I want a girl who dresses modestly isn't into partying one who enjoys books helping her mother etc the girls in my area are not like this and are all into parties and functions and being all show offy. 

Does anybody here have similar problwms?

 

First thing’s first: I think you’re too young to get married. Since it it is your choice though, I’ll offer what I can here. If it were me in your shoes, I’d get to know people who do seva. The main sevadaars know others who do seva + others who take part in the community. Many of them aren't kesdhari & some are, so the next step is to figure out how to get you two to talk & figure out your compatibility.

Although unfortunate, it’s not surprising that many people your age are busy showing off and partying. They’re at different stages of their life, so you have to go to places where there are people who have the same passions as you do. You’ll find many young Sikh adults your age who volunteer for events in the gurdwara, such as camps, conferences, even kids sporting events.

 

4 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

They say you can do Laavan the paath daily and ardaas for a good wife. 

But also look for good girls in strict, conservative families. Usually those families aligned with a samparda or a jatha. Like taksal or nanaksar. But be vigilant, sometimes the girls can decieve their parents. 

Also you can ask a respected Babaji in an organization or jatha to look for a rishta. This is how my sister got married. Because he will know other good, religious families, he will find you those type of ppl. But regardless, it is your responsibility to do a thorough background check and determine compatibility. 

As was suggested here, a person from a strict family or one that is aligned with samparda/jatha, might not even want to live that way. The woman/man might even be pressured to marry because of how strict the parents are, & the pressure from a jatha group/ santhiya group doesn't help. My family was part of a santhiya group with well-known & respected people in cities surrounding one of the largest metropolis in the world. All it took was one of the young adults to say no to rishta before other young adults in the group expressed the same concern, upon other shared concerns. Many of the parents saw this as a possible threat to their izzat, that almost all of them set up rishtas within 2 years. 5 individuals were married when everyone knew they didn’t want to be & I still wonder sometimes about how many of those who didn’t speak up were pressured/forced into a marriage. 2 individuals ran away (1 of them came back), & I could go on about the other young adults, but the main point is that the Sangat of the santhiya group was never the same, all because of the ridiculous meetings we had to attend where parents thought it was okay to “suggest” (discuss) what other parents should do about their children (adult children). Honestly, whichever lady someone suggests for you, it is your responsibility to talk with her & ask her upfront about what she really wants & then I guess you would ask your parents what to do from there. If she ends up being a person who is doing things to make her parents happy or keep their izzat, keep that to yourself, wish her well, & move on. Don’t bother telling your parents or siblings or anyone else about what she doesn’t want others to know. The last thing we want is chugleeya(n ) & drama within sangat.

Unlike some posts might have you believe, there are many young Punjabis out there who don’t party & don’t show off. Look in the right places & talk to the right people, & you’ll find a good match. Also, try the newspaper ads, hehe. But seriously, there are many matrimonial ads in Punjabi papers. I believe the publisher that uses the bold red font (spelling Ajit I think?) is popular. Your parents will take care of contacting the other parents.

 

4 hours ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Also i think you are a bit young to be married. Enjoy your sirdardi less, responsibility less days. And start earning kamaii. Start doing early amrit vela, nitnem of all of panj granthi, after school do 5 japji sahibs a day, at least 1 sukhmani sahib daily. 20 mins simran before sleeping.

And you can use this time to learn. Skills like tabla, martial arts, coding, penny stocks, yoga, archery, gatka, cooking, langar seva, welding, woodcrafting.  Listen to katha of all of guru granth sahib ji, read all of sooraj parkash by reading one sakhi a day. 

Read sikh books from authors like bhai veer singh, bhai randheer singh in english ir panjabi.

Go join taksaal or a nihung jatha for a summer. 

Attend sikhi camps worldwide. 

Have fun, widen your horizons before you become a family man.

Agreed.

 

Good luck!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Singh

I think sometimes we have misconceptions about what people are like based on the limited time we may see them at the gurdwara.  I met a few girls from the sangat through family and I was surprised that they weren’t vegetarian and drank.  I had made an assumption that people in the sangat were abstaining from those things as the katha always mentioned to stay away.  Another problem with finding rista from the sangat is when things don’t work out either before marriage or after.  Things can get pretty awkward and friends you have known your whole life are no longer talking to you.  The bottom line is you really need to get to know the person and there family as much as possible. I have learned that doing business with people from the sangat is also a bad idea. Their true colours don’t show until you are involved with a dispute with them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why don't you ask your parents , who can take the burden away from you and find a suitable girl based on your requirements. (Arranged marriage)

They will do the ground work , to find a suitable partner , from a good family background , etc..etc..

Then the rest is up to you ?

Quote

They say you can do Laavan the paath daily and ardaas for a good wife. 

It works both ways , you have to be good yourself as well . Marriage is about compromise , sharing , caring , learning to back off in awkward situations, biting your tongue , love will then develop over time . Having a girlfriend for x amount of years is different than marriage. You only know the true qualities of a person once living together in the same house 24x7. But if ones character is not selfish , it will be your actions that bonds you together for life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jigsaw_puzzled_singh
On 2/3/2020 at 3:39 PM, Harditsingh said:

I am 23 and i want to get married but the problem is that I can't find the type women I am looking for here. I want a girl who dresses modestly isn't into partying one who enjoys books helping her mother etc the girls in my area are not like this and are all into parties and functions and being all show offy. 

Does anybody here have similar problwms?

 

Brother, first of all don't listen to people here when they tell you you're too young to get married at 23. 23 is not too young. It's a damn good age to get married. Damn good. Secondly, the type of girl you're looking for is most girls (in the UK anyway). As Punjabis our brains are wired to think everybody does it if we see a few doing it. No matter what 'it' is. That's why you think 'most' girls are out partying / drinking. 

I'll give you the same advice I give my eldest (he's still young and at school but I'm a man that likes to make plans and lay foundations). I tell him, when it comes to finding a wife, you have to firstly ensure certain pieces of the jigsaw fit. She has to be a girl from the same area of Punjab as us so talks like us, makes food like us and thinks like us. When, and only when, those things are in place you'll know when you've found the one because, when she walks into the room, her feet won't touch the ground. She'll glide like an angel. 

Disclaimer: Of course the danger with that is that she might be a churhel rather than an angel but just remember to quickly check if her feet are pointing backwards or forwards. If they're pointing forward Bobinderjit's yer uncle. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Develop ridhiya sidhiya so you can discern when you're being lied to. They aren't going to tell you the entire truth about their pasts, so best to get a little proactive if you want a good girl... 😂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/3/2020 at 7:39 AM, Harditsingh said:

I am 23 and i want to get married but the problem is that I can't find the type women I am looking for here. I want a girl who dresses modestly isn't into partying one who enjoys books helping her mother etc the girls in my area are not like this and are all into parties and functions and being all show offy. 

Does anybody here have similar problwms?

 

import one from India. Hopefully you have a good job, so she can just do house work. She will be happy you will be happy. Cheers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

^low key joking low key serious. But even from India, you can't tell what they been up to in the past. Best thing you can do is get yourself in a good place, finish your education, be at a nice respectable job. If you are out of shape, get into shape, if you skinny put some muscles on. Do your work first, become the man that the girl you want is looking for. Be honest with yourself, if you aren't there yet, work on yourself, your mindset, your insecurities, anything negative about you, etc. When you are ready, you will find your girl. Peace. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Getting married young (early 20s) is good. Allows a close bond to be formed especially if you both have a serious desire to make a go of it, and build a life together.  I don't understand this gradual pushing of the marriage threshold with each successive Punjabi generation. When are people gonna have kids, in their 40s? I wish I'd had the opportunity to get married young but my personal situation was a shambles, so there was no point in bringing someone into that mess. Everything happens for a reason, but if you have the choice and opportunity, then go for it. Don't follow trends or fashions in this regard. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
57 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Getting married young (early 20s) is good. Allows a close bond to be formed especially if you both have a serious desire to make a go of it, and build a life together.  I don't understand this gradual pushing of the marriage threshold with each successive Punjabi generation. When are people gonna have kids, in their 40s? I wish I'd had the opportunity to get married young but my personal situation was a shambles, so there was no point in bringing someone into that mess. Everything happens for a reason, but if you have the choice and opportunity, then go for it. Don't follow trends or fashions in this regard. 

2 of my cousins got married in their early 40s and had kids in their mid 40s  it does look odd! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use