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How can I find this type of wife


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i recently had a rishta, a singh who lives down our road knows a girl 3 yrs younger than me who wants to get married and she dont mind if the guy is a singh,  so the singh approached my dad.    i told my dad i will have a think about it!   im 27 now and need to get married!  but i rather find someone myself and get to know her ...    

a singhni from our area told my mum about a girl for me but my mum dont like that lady so she rejected it lol   

i turned 27 yrs old in Dec 2019    by the end of this yr i need to get something sorted...  

cant be too picky   

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The marriage is a market place.  Unfortunately this is the reality.  The reason why I think 23 is a bit young for a male to get married these days is because we are "educated". The more

I think the reality of the situation is that most women are materially driven to certain extent even though they may not be as high maintenance.  In this modern culture it is even harder for find

You must be the Sikh David Goggins or should I say Davinder Gagan   

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i wanted to get married by 25,  my early 20s was a waste. i was really close to this punjabi girl in my late teens, we broke up,  and it took me a long time to get over her, and that stopped me from looking into other relationships.   after that all the drinking problems and the rest happened. its only when i turned 24 that i felt normal and stable but since then i haven't met anyone.  waste of time really.     o well   im still in my 20s hopefully i will meet someone soon!   

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The marriage is a market place. 

Unfortunately this is the reality. 

The reason why I think 23 is a bit young for a male to get married these days is because we are "educated".

The more educated you are the more pickier you become.

Men and women are different. A boy is far more likely to be rejected because women always want to marry up.

If you are educated boy and earn 100k a year, you might not care if the girl you marry earns 20k. She could be working at Tescos supermarket.  If she is slim and pretty that is probably quite important. 

If you are a girl who earns 100k, she will won't give a guy who earns less than her a second look. She is looking for a guy that earns 150k or 200k. 

Provisioning is much more important for girls. 

A bloke has maybe 4-5 points on his checklist. A girl will have a 359 point checklist.

Majority of girls do not want to live with their in-laws and she will likely try to engineer a move out of your home. 

The only way living with your parents can work is if you are the only boy or the youngest son.  That is the majority of cases how it works.

Therefore you may have to get yourself on the property market. And therefore you have to get yourself established, earn yourself a good income. 

If you give yourself a few years to establish yourself, you become the prize and you make yourself a far better prospect. 

Your marriage market value goes up.

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40 minutes ago, puzzled said:

2 of my cousins got married in their early 40s and had kids in their mid 40s  it does look odd! 

I can kinda appreciate the justification if there's career related reasons for delaying, but if the guy is making good bank in a settled career that has prospects, but is trying to extend his bachelor days for as long as he can get away with it, then that's a bit dodgy IMO. He must realise the girl he's going to end up with hasn't been idling in a magical tower waiting for Prince Charming to arrive, or as a more relevant comparison, isn't tucked up in bed at 8.30pm after doing her Rehraas at 7, lol. So either the guys are ignorant to the reality and exist under a delusion, or they don't give a monkeys because they're getting up to similar nonsense, too. Either way, what kind of Sikh "fruit" are we looking at when the roots have such questionable origins?

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21 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

The more educated you are the more pickier you become.

Men and women are different. A boy is far more likely to be rejected because women always want to marry up.

If you are educated boy and earn 100k a year, you might not care if the girl you marry earns 20k. She could be working at Tescos supermarket.  If she is slim and pretty that is probably quite important. 

If you are a girl who earns 100k, she will won't give a guy who earns less than her a second look. She is looking for a guy that earns 150k or 200k. 

Provisioning is much more important for girls. 

A bloke has maybe 4-5 points on his checklist. A girl will have a 359 point checklist.

Avoid those girls. High-maintenance, materially driven to the extreme. Completely enslaved by contemporary mainstream culture. Been on the carousel since teens if they're attractive. Any guy who still determinedly makes it his priority to ensnare one of those girls deserves everything he gets. Sane people desire a rational, level-headed partner with some perspective not a trophy or a mannequin to impress others.

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47 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

I can kinda appreciate the justification if there's career related reasons for delaying, but if the guy is making good bank in a settled career that has prospects, but is trying to extend his bachelor days for as long as he can get away with it, then that's a bit dodgy IMO. He must realise the girl he's going to end up with hasn't been idling in a magical tower waiting for Prince Charming to arrive, or as a more relevant comparison, isn't tucked up in bed at 8.30pm after doing her Rehraas at 7, lol. So either the guys are ignorant to the reality and exist under a delusion, or they don't give a monkeys because they're getting up to similar nonsense, too. Either way, what kind of Sikh "fruit" are we looking at when the roots have such questionable origins?

with my cousins cases they were messing around, going out getting drunk, sleeping around and all the rest of it, once they turned 40 they decided they had their fun and wanted to get married.   one married a girl from india half his age and the other married a woman same age as him.   but either way   both them are happy and so are their partners and they have kids   

still not how i would go about with it though   lol     

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men who sleep around starting in their teens all the way to their 40s   i dont understand how they can have meaningless sex with random women for 2 decades,    you would think after a few yrs of doing that you would want something more and meaningful   if that makes sense.     but no these days many continue right into their 40s and then look for something meaningful.   having casual meaningless sex with random women all the way till their 40s   do they not question it or feel empty ....          strange 

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4 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Avoid those girls. High-maintenance, materially driven to the extreme. Completely enslaved by contemporary mainstream culture. Been on the carousel since teens if they're attractive. Any guy who still determinedly makes it his priority to ensnare one of those girls deserves everything he gets. Sane people desire a rational, level-headed partner with some perspective not a trophy or a mannequin to impress others.

I think the reality of the situation is that most women are materially driven to certain extent even though they may not be as high maintenance. 

In this modern culture it is even harder for find a level headed partner. This social media has had a detrimental impact on women. You cannot escape it.

If people are going to Punjab to get married,  don't imagine for a second that people are living in isolation and they do not have social media over there. The world is far more connected and globalised place now. 

The expectations of people has gone over board. 

It has even impacted our Amritdharis if Instagram is anything to go by.

 

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4 hours ago, puzzled said:

men who sleep around starting in their teens all the way to their 40s   i dont understand how they can have meaningless sex with random women for 2 decades,    you would think after a few yrs of doing that you would want something more and meaningful   if that makes sense.     but no these days many continue right into their 40s and then look for something meaningful.   having casual meaningless sex with random women all the way till their 40s   do they not question it or feel empty ....          strange 

it's so easy to get ahead in today's world (materially). People always talking about how there's high competition all that, it's super easy to get ahead. Porn, Masturbation, alcohol, weed, casual sex, video games, junk foods, and just people not using their brains fully (they know what they should do but still make dumb choices etc). As a man if you avoid all this, retain your seed, and use this brain that's been given to us, this life is super easy. Sit back plan out and move forward. Watch all these fools drown. Don't bother helping them, they won't listen. Only when you become the light, those who want help will come to you, and those people you help and guide. 

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6 hours ago, puzzled said:

she dont mind if the guy is a singh

Lol. How pathetic todays world is. A man in his complete form is seen as uncool, and these female looking boys are seen as cool. That's how powerful this media is for the fools.  Reminds me of Micheal Jordan ad in the early 2000's. It was, "I wanna be like Mike", and ppl started getting bald 0 haircut lol. 

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5 hours ago, puzzled said:

men who sleep around starting in their teens all the way to their 40s   i dont understand how they can have meaningless sex with random women for 2 decades,    you would think after a few yrs of doing that you would want something more and meaningful   if that makes sense.     but no these days many continue right into their 40s and then look for something meaningful.   having casual meaningless sex with random women all the way till their 40s   do they not question it or feel empty ....          strange 

We're considered odd for noticing such things. I'm fine with being odd.

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8 hours ago, puzzled said:

with my cousins cases they were messing around, going out getting drunk, sleeping around and all the rest of it, once they turned 40 they decided they had their fun and wanted to get married.   one married a girl from india half his age and the other married a woman same age as him.   but either way   both them are happy and so are their partners and they have kids   

still not how i would go about with it though   lol     

Most men if they were not married would not even get sex. They would be what they called "incel" (stands for involuntary celibacy).

A woman's sexual strategy is to get the highest value male they can. That means a man with good breeding stock and one that can provide for her and her off spring.

A man's sexual strategy is to get with as many women they can (spread the seed). Your cousins have followed this strategy. Their attitude is "I am attracting so many women, why should limit myself with one".

There are a whole other factors going on as well.

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1 hour ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Most men if they were not married would not even get sex. They would be what they called "incel" (stands for involuntary celibacy).

A woman's sexual strategy is to get the highest value male they can. That means a man with good breeding stock and one that can provide for her and her off spring.

A man's sexual strategy is to get with as many women they can (spread the seed). Your cousins have followed this strategy. Their attitude is "I am attracting so many women, why should limit myself with one".

There are a whole other factors going on as well.

Although I'm a believer in monogamy and loyalty, old-fashioned as it may be, some of the current conflict between the sexes that's negatively affecting societal balance and health is women being encouraged to exhibit and manifest the male behaviour you've described above, because apparently biology is a patriarchal social construct, and therefore in order to reach parity of the sexes, denying women the opportunity to indulge in the same "sowing of wild oats" behaviour is oppression. So they'll behave like children to make a point, lol. "I was denied the opportunity to jump off a cliff for thousands of years; now I'll make the first 30 years of my life all about launching myself off cliffs, not because I inherently believe it's acceptable, but because I want to make a point." That's the level of reasoning we're dealing with. 

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1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Although I'm a believer in monogamy and loyalty, old-fashioned as it may be, some of the current conflict between the sexes that's negatively affecting societal balance and health is women being encouraged to exhibit and manifest the male behaviour you've described above, because apparently biology is a patriarchal social construct, and therefore in order to reach parity of the sexes, denying women the opportunity to indulge in the same "sowing of wild oats" behaviour is oppression. So they'll behave like children to make a point, lol. "I was denied the opportunity to jump off a cliff for thousands of years; now I'll make the first 30 years of my life all about launching myself off cliffs, not because I inherently believe it's acceptable, but because I want to make a point." That's the level of reasoning we're dealing with. 

What I have described is stuff you can get if you search evolutionary biology.

Some of the things that have been discovered can make for shocking reading.

The more you understand this stuff the more our traditions make sense. 

Our forefathers weren't dumb.

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All I can say is, it doesn't matter if the girl is Amritdhari or not, she belongs to a jatha or not etc. In fact, I've found that the Amritdhari girls are the ones (for a significant part) who don't have their heads screwed on straight, and their families are the biggest caste-peddalers you'll ever see.

Whilst OP may be too young to get married, it takes years to find the right person, so no harm in looking from now.

As long as the core values are there, then everything else should be fine.

One final thing. Do not gamble with your heart and get it broken. Clear up any misconceptions/criteria in the beginning. If there are deal breakers, move on. I've seen this too many times and an honestly sick to death of people who want to do the whole "girlfriend/boyfriend" thing, but don't stand up for their relationship. Either don't start it, but if you do, see it through to the end. 

God bless

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