Sikhs Marrying late - What is the issue

[Big_Tera]

What is the issue with today's generation of Sikhs. Ie in the last 20 years so?

Our Sikh boys and girls are putting off marriage and getting wed far to late. It's almost become like a trend where they are putting of this most important aspect of Sikhi to reproduce and start a family life. 

It seems our lot just want to enjoy the single life, party, date and not have responsibility of a partner and kids. Sikhs are getting married in their late 30's and then as a consequence they have low fertility levels due to fertility decreasing in age. 

Many seem scared of marriage when they should not be. It's almost like everyone labels marriage as a boring thing, best to avoid until the last minute as it's some kind of jail sentence  When marriage is a beautiful thing and should not be seen as this. 

At the same time Muslims get married in their 20's and churning out kids like no tommorow. 

Are lot seem like their still trying to find themselves and figuring life out.

I can understand someone saying they first want to get a job and become financially secure and be a grown rounded individual before tying the knot and starting a family. 

But that should not take you to be the age of 38 to do that.

While Muslim average marriage is is about 24 -27

Our lot are a decade behind. 

[Ranjeet01]

8 minutes ago, Big_Tera said:

What is the issue with today's generation of Sikhs. Ie in the last 20 years so?

Our Sikh boys and girls are putting off marriage and getting wed far to late. It's almost become like a trend where they are putting of this most important aspect of Sikhi to reproduce and start a family life. 

It seems our lot just want to enjoy the single life, party, date and not have responsibility of a partner and kids. Sikhs are getting married in their late 30's and then as a consequence they have low fertility levels due to fertility decreasing in age. 

Many seem scared of marriage when they should not be. It's almost like everyone labels marriage as a boring thing, best to avoid until the last minute as it's some kind of jail sentence  When marriage is a beautiful thing and should not be seen as this. 

At the same time Muslims get married in their 20's and churning out kids like no tommorow. 

Are lot seem like their still trying to find themselves and figuring life out.

I can understand someone saying they first want to get a job and become financially secure and be a grown rounded individual before tying the knot and starting a family. 

But that should not take you to be the age of 38 to do that.

While Muslim average marriage is is about 24 -27

Our lot are a decade behind. 

Are you not single and in your mid 30s. 

Since you are in this demographic, why do you think this is the case?

[Kau89r8]

Being financially secure imo huge factor...raising family isn't cheap! 

[Kau89r8]

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[jkvlondon]

it makes more sense to marry early as your health, energy and strength is at its peak , kids will be born to non-geriatric mums (its the medical term) so Mums  will have shorter labours , quicker recovery and baby less likely to have abnormailities.

I thought it was advice to parents to marry children as soon as they are old enough  by Guru ji this prevents misadventures .

[Big_Tera]

2 hours ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Are you not single and in your mid 30s. 

Since you are in this demographic, why do you think this is the case?

Im happily married.

Got married when I was 32. Which is late I know. But I had a good reason for that I would rather not disclose. If I could I would have married when I was about 25/26. Which I think is ideal but nothing wrong with marrying even earlier at 22-24.. Its great as you will see more of your kids growing up and be healthy to look after them. 

But seen so many people in the sikh community without any good reason waisting away their years and not marrying and their hitting their fortys in the sikh community. They are old and lonely and scared of marriage. Like they cant handle commitment and settleing down with one person for the rest of their lifes.

[Ranjeet01]

9 hours ago, Big_Tera said:

Im happily married.

Got married when I was 32. Which is late I know. But I had a good reason for that I would rather not disclose. If I could I would have married when I was about 25/26. Which I think is ideal but nothing wrong with marrying even earlier at 22-24.. Its great as you will see more of your kids growing up and be healthy to look after them. 

But seen so many people in the sikh community without any good reason waisting away their years and not marrying and their hitting their fortys in the sikh community. They are old and lonely and scared of marriage. Like they cant handle commitment and settleing down with one person for the rest of their lifes.

By our cultural norms it is yes, marrying in your thirties is deemed as late.

But in a gora culture, marrying at that age is normal.

Imagine being an apna getting married at 25 and having a kid at 26. A gora would say "Wow! Married and being a parent by 26"

There is a multi-layered answer to this.

[Guest]

these are not good signs for the future of any community. It indicates something is rotten ! 

[Ranjeet01]

10 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

these are not good signs for the future of any community. It indicates something is rotten ! 

I think main worry is that we marry late and have kids late.

However, in the old days it was common to have lots of kids.

So it was common for there to be a huge age gap between the oldest child and the youngest child (by 20 odd years) by the point that a couple's eldest grandchild can be the same age (or even older) than their youngest child.

My dad had 2 mama's that were younger than him.

My mum's bhuas son was the same age as her dad. 

 

[Jonny101]

Ideally marriage should be at the latest 25 years of age for both genders. The later you go the more vikaars start to enter into you and you start to mess around by having many BFs before marriage. If you're going to mess around why not just get married and do it with your own spouse?

 

I have a  distant cousin. After she finished her education she was in her early 20s. My parents asked her father when she will get married. He laughed it off as if something weird was asked and said "oh don't worry she will marry after but first she has to work a few years and make her career". They delayed her marriage even though she was getting rishte but they kept on rejecting it because they wanted her to make her career. By the time she reached 30 she found a Muslim and married him. Her parents felt so embarrassed they didn't invite most of the relatives to the wedding.

 

Another case in my relatives is of a girl who was 24 still studying to become a doctor. Her parents found a Rishta. The boy was also studying to become a doctor. They had them married while they were still studying. Today both of them are doctors. Once they became MDs they had their first child.