Marriage Concerns

[puzzled]

I got a feeling this question is not genuine  lol    seems like som1 just messing around 

[Guest Nihang Singh]

On 5/14/2020 at 9:28 AM, Guest Gupt Guy said:

I mentioned to one girl about bleaching or getting laser treatment but she refused and that rishta went down the pan.

 

You are not going to get far with any girl with an attitude like that, facial hair or not. If you think that's how you can treat a girl and speak to her like that, expect to have little success with any self respecting female, unless of course you are the type that preys on insecure girls, which wouldn't surprise me.

 A scum bag like you does not deserve to marry any girl. How dare you say that to someone trying to follow gursikhi and who on earth are you to pressure any girl in any way about her body. 

[Koi]

OP - maybe look for a girl who is not Amritdhari. Your personal preference is your own (no judgement), but asking an Amritdhari girl to laser etc. probably not the smartest move.

With regards to the whole "facial hair" issue. I don't think a lot of girls realise that this can be controlled with diet and healthy lifestyle (I remember Sant Jagjit Singh Ji mentioning the same). Unless there is some kind of genetic disorder, this can usually be fixed with good food and supplements. See doctor if necessary. 

But yeah, non Amritdhari girls are fine (and in some cases recommended), especially for you.

Good luck bro

[puzzled]

21 hours ago, Guest Jigsaw_Puzzled_Singh said:

Can you ? I mean it'd be pretty lame dating wouldn't it. What would be the point ?  Not finding the opposite sex attractive enough to want to touch her is just one step from being a shirt-lifter in my opinion. 

Well the point would be to marry later on. I would only date som1 to marry her ,  not casual dating. Its a sin to have sex b4 marriage. Obviously being humans with feelings you would get urges to get all touchy feely etc   but you really shouldn't     all that should be for after marriage.  I'v done some silly things in the past with one of my female friends b4 i got into sikhi and i really regret it.  

you can still date without having sex, many religious people do that. I was watching a video on youtube of a christian couple who dated but left the sex till after marriage like it should be. 

[DelhiTurbanator]

6 hours ago, puzzled said:

Well the point would be to marry later on. I would only date som1 to marry her ,  not casual dating. Its a sin to have sex b4 marriage. Obviously being humans with feelings you would get urges to get all touchy feely etc   but you really shouldn't     all that should be for after marriage.  I'v done some silly things in the past with one of my female friends b4 i got into sikhi and i really regret it.  

you can still date without having sex, many religious people do that. I was watching a video on youtube of a christian couple who dated but left the sex till after marriage like it should be. 

You should not feel sorry for your past actions. You did those "silly" things when you were just an ordinary punjabi but now you're a sikh , a real sikh and after becoming a sikh, you didn't do anything wrong.

Dating without sex is common in India, I currently live in Maharashtra and here, one of my female marathi classmate said she has been in numerous relationships but she has never kissed anyone, sex is out of the question. And she's not even religious, she's born in a hindu family but considers herself as atheist.

Even non religious people know that pre marital sex is wrong. India is not as sexually liberated as west so that is also a contributing factor. But still, its hard to find a virgin/untouched sardarni especially in metro cities like Delhi and Mumbai. Sikh women are messed up here. Hindu/Muslim women are mostly virgins. 

[Koi]

Going back to th OP, has any of the above helped?

[Guest Jigsaw_Puzzled_Singh]

On 5/16/2020 at 1:26 PM, puzzled said:

Well the point would be to marry later on. I would only date som1 to marry her ,  not casual dating. Its a sin to have sex b4 marriage. Obviously being humans with feelings you would get urges to get all touchy feely etc   but you really shouldn't     all that should be for after marriage.  I'v done some silly things in the past with one of my female friends b4 i got into sikhi and i really regret it.  

you can still date without having sex, many religious people do that. I was watching a video on youtube of a christian couple who dated but left the sex till after marriage like it should be. 

Christians should never be considered a guide or template for anything Puzzled. In fact, if anything, intelligent people around the globe should look at what 'Christians' do and do the complete opposite if logic is their goal.

Look, my difficulty in conversing with you here on this subject is the fact that I would just be repeating what I've previously said in many threads on this forum over the course of many years. Nobody bothered to read what I've said in the past and nobody will read what I'll say now. So....I'll keep it short and sweet. A few years ago, on this forum, I wrote a long beautiful essay on why ancient Persian poetry - hence Punjabi romantic poetry - uses sexual ambiguity in order to portray the love between man and god. In that essay, I explained that there was in fact no ambiguity at all. None of it was meant to religious at all in the first place. It was always purely sexual. But, the religion of the day - Islam - was happy to interpret it as religious because the source or origin of it - The Song of Songs (or Songs of Solomon) from the Old Testament was interpreted as such by the Jews and Christians. The Muslims, as we know, took everything from the Christians and Jews that came before them and we (Sikhs and Hindus) inherited those same mores from the Muslims. So....what do we know so far ?  We know our morals about sex between man and woman has come from what has been interpreted from the Song of Songs so now it's time to delve a little bit deeper into the Song of Songs itself. It - and the Persian-Punjabi love poetry that it spawned - repeatedly tells us that it is - as you eloquently said in your message above - a 'Sin' to have sex before marriage. But does it, and all the religious texts that followed it, actually use the word 'marriage' ?   No.  It, and everything that has come after it relating to sexual morals, has always only mentioned what 'the community or society deemed respectable or acceptable'. The Priests, Rabbis and Mullahs interpreted that to mean marriage but that doesn't mean mine and yours more enlightened eastern mind should do he same. In this day and age it is perfectly acceptable and respectable for a man and woman to love each other and have carnal knowledge of each other without being married. We should not be buying into Christan-Judeo-Islamic notions about marriage. For them, marriage is all about sex and their scriptures are full of it. For us, the concept of marriage is separate from the concept of sex because the concept of marriage is about social contracts - between families and society. We need to shed ourselves from all these Abrahamic influences that permeate our thought processes about morals. 

p.s. re: the washing the golden temple with milk thread - Milk, no matter what quantity you use, leaves an acidic residue and that residue is a breeding ground of dirt and mould. That's why marble should never be cleaned with milk and that's why following tradition just for the sake of following tradition is a road to ignorance and that's why the marble in historic Sikh Gurdwaras in Punjab looks like it's 500 years old even though much of it is only 50 years old. 

[puzzled]

On 5/20/2020 at 3:08 PM, Guest Jigsaw_Puzzled_Singh said:

. In this day and age it is perfectly acceptable and respectable for a man and woman to love each other and have carnal knowledge of each other without being married.

What is "carnal knowledge"    do you mean sex b4 marriage?   bcoz that what im talking about  

or do you mean men/women talk about sex and stuff like that?  

[Guest Kaur]

On 5/15/2020 at 8:17 PM, DelhiTurbanator said:

Just find a woman who loves you and supports your sikhi

OH THE IRONY

[Guest Concerned]

Can you imagine if a Singhi/Kaur came on here and said she asked a potential match to remove his beard/Dastaar?

This is unacceptable. As an unmarried girl I am not Amritdhari yet..but keep my hair and would like to be amritdhari before I have children..this is so off putting and worrying that 1) Singhs hold these views 2) are supported by others when voicing them.