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I just give up.


Guruguruji
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Guest AcceptnghisWil
On 7/6/2020 at 1:20 PM, Guruguruji said:

To be honest pen ji this morning I just cried after many days of trying to be strong... nothing was ever in my control, I didn't go searching for the rishta, it literally just turned up - I wasn't even looking to get married yet! Everything happened with maharaj jis agya and both families put guru sahib first. Me and my husband rely on nobody but guru sahib, even when I was begging at husband's door, I could hear him do waheguru in his room. Good or bad we both rely on guru sahib only. 

I did an ardas this morning saying  - Guru Ram Das ji, we're your children, everything happened with your hukam, we got married with your laavan and till the end point we both called out your name. It's Guru sahib's responsibility alone now, I have nothing left to do or say. 

May waheguru ji fulfil my ardas and if he doesn't may he give me the strength to never ask for anything ever again. 

Stay strong, youve been through alot, this is going to be a tough time.

Equally like ur trying hard, he should have sense to approach u. Its not really acceptable when one person is trying and the other is absent. This is a sign of a toxic situation.sorry for saying that. Obviously theres so much we dnt know and only reading between the lines here.

But especially as you come to terms with any outcomes, it will likely be overwhelming for u and initially you will feel much worse when you begin accepting of whats happened. But once u do, then things do get easier. 

Vaheguru is always in control and gives us what we need whether we ask or not. He who created us knows us more than we know ourselves.

However the state of our mind is something we control. Either u suffer in the emotions,stress and worry or you can be strong and use this to find your true self.

Gurbani speaks often about the world, family, kids and spouses being temporary. Only Vaheguru is our true companion. So please dont bank on any human. Also try think about what ur asking. If u go to a king and ask for a penny , similarly when u go to the king of kings do u really want to ask for a worldly thing? 

In either case the sangat prays for you and hope ur sisters wedding goes well.

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On 7/11/2020 at 11:21 AM, Guruguruji said:

Thank you, 

Yeah I used to try do lots of paath but it kinda became really stressful and I was getting agitated so now I do my nitnem and a little extra if I can.

I know that I've prayed fully with all my heart and hope in waheguru and majority of the time when I take a hukamnama it's got something like

'all my affairs are resolved'

"...he has blessed me and been merciful"

"...protect and preserve the honor of your servant"

"suffering and pains are dispelled"

-these are from some recent personal hukamnamas I've took so this doesn't make me feel dumb for keeping hope. I try to look at them and remind myself that I need to detach and let waheguru ji play his part I just took a hukamnama now and it's this beautiful message;

https://www.sikhnet.com/hukam/personal/1944

I still pray for my hubby, I still have dreams of him every other day, yes I do feel angry and frustrated at times but then I remind myself that God is working on him and he'll see sense soon. 

It's my sister's wedding in a few weeks and with guru sahibs grace I'm really trying to join in and be excited. I've been helping her buy stuff, organising little house parties etc. Hiding my pain and joining in is so painful for me at times and my wounds haven't healed yet but I can see my parents looking happier which means a lot to me.

I remember watching some YouTube videos of patients who has been told they only had a few weeks to live and they visited amritsar or started doing ardas/simran and they're still living today. Give me hope when I think of it as these people were fully diagnosed and had scientific evidence of their lives ending....  My situation is just a mind game, if waheguru changes my husband's mind that is all that is needed to resolve the situation. Obviously, I have now more self respect and will make it clear to him that I want the commitment I deserve. 

I know I'm taking the harder route and keeping faith but I know waheguru ji will never let it go to waste. 

Please give me positive blessings in form of the sangat so that my ardas can be heard. ?

I admire your strength and resolve to fight for what you want 

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On 7/11/2020 at 11:21 AM, Guruguruji said:

majority of the time when I take a hukamnama it's got something like

'all my affairs are resolved'

"...he has blessed me and been merciful"

"...protect and preserve the honor of your servant"

"suffering and pains are dispelled"

-these are from some recent personal hukamnamas I've took so this doesn't make me feel dumb for keeping hope. I try to look at them and remind myself that I need to detach and let waheguru ji play his part I just took a hukamnama now and it's this beautiful message;

https://www.sikhnet.com/hukam/personal/1944

I


It depends on how you read it, it could be all your affairs are resolved, resolution being you aren’t together any more. Just enjoy your sisters wedding and see what the future holds. For now concentrate on you growing and healing from this.

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Guest Gratefulness

You must be grateful for all that you have and work slowly through the sorrow you have gone through.  God will always keep you blessed once you accept this phase of your life.

I want to take a minute and point out how mistaken you are not to seek professional help.  God has instilled great healing powers in the hands of doctors and other professionals to help fellow humans to overcome such instances in life.  
Praying, exercising, taking proper care of your diet, mediation is all necessary but seeking help from an counselor/therapist is a missing piece that a lot of us do not resort to.   I am a young woman in her early 30s with two kids and my parents live with me as well.  I lost my husband a few years ago and I am alive.  My children are alive and thriving by the grace of Waheguruji. We want to have an amazing life because we did not do anything to deserve any sorrow from the universe.  We are positive and because of that we get so much positivity in our lives.  I can say I am so blessed and proud to be in this journey-I can’t even explain how grateful I am for everyone and everything in my life.  I went through a range of emotions when this first happened, however by the grace of a God and a wonderful counselor, I am on the way to a even happier life.   Always be grateful in your prayers and actions because that is the true key to the beautiful life that you will soon have ? Please don’t hesitate to ask for help or reach out to any one of us via this forum-we are all in this together! 

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I think you feel that things haven’t worked out so that means Waheguru has not listened. As much as it’s painful for you, a result wouldn’t be Maharaj forcing your husband to be with you if it’s not what is meant to be. Stay strong, you’ve been wired to think marriage is everything, it isn’t. This attachment you have isn’t healthy either. 
Do you do simran?

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Guest Singh
On 7/15/2020 at 9:30 AM, Guruguruji said:

beginning to think a lot of my mind set is flawed....

You’re good person. I read this thread your problem is very different, it’s your husband (and family) disrespecting you and rejected you. Most people wouldn’t stand for this, and I know brothers/cousins would not let the girl get treated like this. 

option 1 is leave him, but you’d rather not

option 2 is marriage resolves, what your praying for. 

This is your life and I’m not interfering, this is just an opinion which might be useful? Try to understand what caused the problem. No offence but maybe it’s your personality, habits or mindset which don’t match him. The man spent his whole life living with parents and a new person walks into the home. That’s a big shock to the system maybe for that whole family. (Still no excuse for disrespecting you). It seems he’s made up his mind he doesn’t want to spend his life with you. I’m sorry that’s a bit harsh of me to say. Because what you’re praying for is someone’s mind to be changed. If you are set on the idea of resolving this I think you need to try and meet him and talk. Even just send a message to arrange that you want a final meet so you can both have some closure to this (that’s your excuse to meet up). If there is no love in that meeting than you are with the wrong person, it happens!

Because honestly he’s probably feeling guilt and missing you now, or he could be in bed right now with another woman (or man). Again I’m sorry that’s harsh but you have to wonder what he’s up to if he’s ignoring you.

I like reading your posts, please don’t take anything I said to heart or get upset. Your faith in god stays with you whatever option you pick. It’s not right to lose faith in God over this. You got the rest of your life ahead 

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