I just give up.

[learningkaur]

8 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

It's quite unfortunate that some of the bibiya in our quom don't end up with the husband their shardaa deserves, and which leads to them questioning everything they hold to be true.

I'm not a feminist or an appeaser of women, but I don't need to be any of these things to see with my own eyes that in some cases good, decent Sikh females end up with men who are lesser in soul and spiritual stature, which causes the individual spirit of these women to be grinded away just by being in close proximity to these types of exhausting men.

Whatever the great, spiritual overarching reason for these occurrences, it doesn't make life any easier for the women involved. Believe it or not there are some Sikh males who end up experiencing the exact same issues. No, not me! This isn't a cry for help.

A lot of this is tied into how the majority of punjabi/sikh if you can call them that boys have been raised- thankfully the new generation of sons being born now will hopefully be raised more compassionate, empathetic and with more respect for woman. That’s how I hope to bring my son up anyway! 

[MisterrSingh]

15 minutes ago, learningkaur said:

A lot of this is tied into how the majority of punjabi/sikh if you can call them that boys have been raised- thankfully the new generation of sons being born now will hopefully be raised more compassionate, empathetic and with more respect for woman. That’s how I hope to bring my son up anyway! 

Balance is important, too. Compassion and empathy without the necessary inverse qualities for a male, especially with what's to come in future years and decades, means he will be ill-equipped to face those difficulties head-on. The world is not a nice place by default. It is what a person makes of it. 

[Sat1]

1 hour ago, learningkaur said:

A lot of this is tied into how the majority of punjabi/sikh if you can call them that boys have been raised- thankfully the new generation of sons being born now will hopefully be raised more compassionate, empathetic and with more respect for woman. That’s how I hope to bring my son up anyway! 

Good to see a mother looking to instill good values in her child. This is really needed. 

[Guest Singh]

Have a look at this website, they have some useful advice:

https://www.sikhhelpline.com/category/stories/relationship-issues/

[Guruguruji]

On 6/26/2020 at 7:07 PM, Guest Singh said:

 

[harpal00]

On 6/21/2020 at 10:05 PM, Guruguruji said:

I don't know what to do, I just give up, I feel like disappearing. I keep praying to God to save my marriage and listening to hopeful saakhis and katha etc. Because of the sakhis I've read I can't let go of hope. It's just everything seems impossible but my mind says nothing is impossible for God. 

I just feel doomed. I can't speak to anyone because they'll tell me what I don't want to hear. I don't want to hurt anyone but my pain comes out as anger and nobody understands. At the end of it I feel even worse

I don't understand, guru sahib promised us that he'd be there, he'd help me. Where is he? Everything was done in maharaj jis hukam, guru sahib says if you come to his charan he doesn't look at your karam. How can a piece of paper undo your laavan and if laavan is ur wedding with God then what value does ir have for couples?

I just feel so stupid. I don't need professional help because I know what they'll say etc etc. I kind of just want to change my prayers and just beg for death. 

I wish I wasn't a girl atleast I could've just moved away somewhere rather than end up stuck with my parents. The only way out my parents house is marriage but I could never get married again. 

Even whilst crying, whilst typing this, whilst doing paath my mind will always say that god can save this marriage and make this experience seem like a horrible dream. 

I just literally give up, if only I could just disappear somewhere, I just feel impure, I can't get myself to dislike or hate my husband even though him and his family treated me unfairly. 

How long were you married for?  Why did he leave you? Do you have any children? Seek professional help such as marriage counselling or guidance based on Sikh precepts.
 

[Guruguruji]

On 7/1/2020 at 11:52 AM, Guruguruji said:

‘

[jkvlondon]

On 6/22/2020 at 12:28 PM, Guruguruji said:

I get angry with my family and we exchange harsh words. I then feel guilty and I promise myself not to fall in the same trap...but I do, I don't know why I get involved in any arguments and ruin the day for everyone. I just feel like I dig a deeper hole for myself. A horrible memory for people to look back to after this phase in life passes.

I feel angry with guru ji, a supreme power who controls everything and can do anything but is just ignoring me. I always tell myself thats it, waheguru ji knows what my ardas is, I need to relax now but then every time I even look at a photo of guru sahib my heart bleeds n begs. 

My husband has dumped me and has forgotten about me as if I never existed, I've ruined relationships with my family by making them sad, I have no sense of me anymore, I don't want to go out and see people, I'm not allowed to move away.

 

you need to be doing as many Jaap sahibs as you can to regain your core strength and sabar . Braham Kavach , sukhmani sahib will help you rebuild life without pain of others interference or bad intentions. Waheguru ji is always with you but sometimes when life goes wrong we mistake it for abandonment , perhaps your paat, simran saved you from a much worse result than abandonment . Yes I agree life is hard and this was gutwrenching but keep yourself busy with working on yourself and listening to kirtan/paat , lean on Guru ji for advice and solace because he'll never leave . You had confirmation of that in Guruwak , you have been married to Akal Purakh not just that guy .

[Guruguruji]

On 7/2/2020 at 10:54 PM, jkvlondon said:

 

[jkvlondon]

6 minutes ago, Guruguruji said:

Thank u pen ji for your response, I actually remember following your posts and looking up to u when I was in my teens.

I started reading brahm kavach for a bit but after a few weeks of reading it I got sent divorce papers - it kinda made me scared incase I was making a mistake or upsetting the shaheed singhs. Waheguru ji has blessed me with sukhmani sahib and I'm trying to incorporate naam abhiyas. 

Pen ji, I try explaining to myself that maybe it wasn't meant to be etc but then my mind fires back and says waheguru ji blessed us during our anand karaj... you wouldn't take amrit and then later turn around and say maybe it wasn't meant to be for me and bhang it..... The crazy thing is my husband used to teach me our laavan are extremely holy just like an amrit sanchaar. 

I've always imagined my marriage as a triangle waheguru ji at the top and us at the bottom corners, he is all powerful and can save us. Like I can't imagine anyone else because guru gobind Singh jis bachan of not to think about anyone but your spouse begins to haunt me. I remember during the first laav my husband kinda froze in between the parkarma, the other 3 were perfect. My mind begins saying to me that maybe that was symbolic of our first year in marriage being a struggle but we can get through it. 

I sound crazy don't I I can't get myself to hate my hubby hence I've resulted to saying maybe there was something wrong me because if something is good nobody wants to get rid of it 

Please give ur blessings in the roop of the sangat. May kalgidhar pita ji put his Singh on the right path and bless his daughter with enough wisdom so we have a happy ghrist jeevan please 

try to steer clear of hate , anger, jealousy because they will hurt you more than anyone else involved , your forever partner awaits you , the shaheed singhs know what Guru ji knows so don't feel that way , they know you are cleanhearted  just carry on . Stay in Chardikala , no ever happens for zero reasons we just have to weather the storm .

Satgur aeiyo sharan tuhari , mile sukh naam har sobha chinta lehe humari .