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14 minutes ago, Guruguruji said:

Please give ur blessings in the roop of the sangat. May kalgidhar pita ji put his Singh on the right path and bless his daughter with enough wisdom so we have a happy ghrist jeevan please 

VJKK VJKF Bibi ji,

I learnt from Bhai Manvir Singh ji's Katha a short but powerful teaching:

There are 3 answers to an Ardaas,

Yes - Put (son) you can have what you wanted

Not yet - Son your not ready yet for example a little kid may want a laptop but he's not old enough to use it. Sometimes we're not able to see what's blocking us to progress

And Finally

No, I have something better - Guru Sahib really surprises us but we need to trust . This may mean that we don't get want we intended for but something better whether that be physical or even spiritual like the gift of Santokh.

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1 hour ago, RajKaregaKhalsa1 said:

VJKK VJKF Bibi ji,

I learnt from Bhai Manvir Singh ji's Katha a short but powerful teaching:

There are 3 answers to an Ardaas,

Yes - Put (son) you can have what you wanted

Not yet - Son your not ready yet for example a little kid may want a laptop but he's not old enough to use it. Sometimes we're not able to see what's blocking us to progress

And Finally

No, I have something better - Guru Sahib really surprises us but we need to trust . This may mean that we don't get want we intended for but something better whether that be physical or even spiritual like the gift of Santokh.

Right on Veer Ji. 

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5 hours ago, Guruguruji said:

Thank u pen ji for your response, I actually remember following your posts and looking up to u when I was in my teens.

I started reading brahm kavach for a bit but after a few weeks of reading it I got sent divorce papers - it kinda made me scared incase I was making a mistake or upsetting the shaheed singhs. Waheguru ji has blessed me with sukhmani sahib and I'm trying to incorporate naam abhiyas. 

Pen ji, I try explaining to myself that maybe it wasn't meant to be etc but then my mind fires back and says waheguru ji blessed us during our anand karaj... you wouldn't take amrit and then later turn around and say maybe it wasn't meant to be for me and bhang it..... The crazy thing is my husband used to teach me our laavan are extremely holy just like an amrit sanchaar. 

I've always imagined my marriage as a triangle waheguru ji at the top and us at the bottom corners, he is all powerful and can save us. Like I can't imagine anyone else because guru gobind Singh jis bachan of not to think about anyone but your spouse begins to haunt me. I remember during the first laav my husband kinda froze in between the parkarma, the other 3 were perfect. My mind begins saying to me that maybe that was symbolic of our first year in marriage being a struggle but we can get through it. 

I sound crazy don't I 😥 I can't get myself to hate my hubby hence I've resulted to saying maybe there was something wrong me because if something is good nobody wants to get rid of it 

Please give ur blessings in the roop of the sangat. May kalgidhar pita ji put his Singh on the right path and bless his daughter with enough wisdom so we have a happy ghrist jeevan please 

Your comment about if theres nothing wrong with you, plz dnt feel that there is nothing wrong with you as a result of these circumstances, that can lead you to a stste of despression. Build ur strength and become a better person but never feel ur unworthy. You are not, god is within you and guru is ang sang. 

In my experience , the sooner you come to terms with the situation the better. Otherwise you might find several years down the line your still stuck in the same place and these things hinder our spiritual growth.

Theres alot of ppl here who are giving really good advice and they talk from experience and from what theyve seen so you dont make the same mistakes. This is what sangat is for.

For the inlaws to block your numbers and for him not to return any calls, the divorce papers coming etc. And youve tried everything to contact them and ur family made attempts. This isnt normal behaviour on their part, ie they arent showing signs for negotiation, they are making their position clear. 

Work on strengthening ur relarionship with Guru ji and sounds like you have been focusing on this through your paath. This is a difficult time, and you will find it gets worse as you go through the divorce as it all really hits home and wraps up. But be strong, take support from family and friends.

It will be hard for you to hear your family speak to relatives about this. Because they too will have their views and afterall they are talking about ur personal relationship. Often this can make u feel worse so be open with your close family about how your feeling and let them support you. 

Accepting bhana is about accepting every event and situation as it presents it self. You can try through positive actions to shape the future but remember if your praying for any worldly relationship then your inviting karma too. Ask Guru ji only for his charna da nivas and for naam. 

Gurbani tells us, spouse, children, family, wealth, materialistic things all end and are part of the illusion. This difficult time is a blessing to really make some serious spiritual progression, for that you need to free yourself from and baggage. 

Stay blessed

 

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On 7/2/2020 at 10:42 PM, Guruguruji said:

It happened again, I asked waheguru ji to show me the word bride in the hukamnama if he will save my marriage and guru sahib did. But there's still nothing from my husband.... Am I going mad?

mÚ 3 ]
Third Mehl:
rwmklI rwmu min visAw qw binAw sIgwru ]
In Raamkalee, I have enshrined the Lord in my mind; thus I have been embellished.
gur kY sbid kmlu ibgisAw qw sauipAw Bgiq BMfwru ]
Through the Word of the Guru's Shabad, my heart-lotus has blossomed forth; the Lord blessed me with the treasure of devotional worship.
Brmu gieAw qw jwigAw cUkw AigAwn AMDwru ]
My doubt was dispelled, and I woke up; the darkness of ignorance was dispelled.
iqs no rUpu Aiq Aglw ijsu hir nwil ipAwru ]
She who is in love with her Lord, is the most infinitely beautiful.
sdw rvY ipru Awpxw soBwvMqI nwir ]
Such a beautiful, happy soul-bride enjoys her Husband Lord forever.

Did you even understand the bani? I would refrain from equating yourself to a  ‘Sohagan - soul bride’ without even knowing the definition first. Sohagan or soul-bride is a soul that has clearly attained the status  of Mansur’s “Anal-Haq” after having been dyed in the color red (red rose)which stands for the “Divine Love” which ultimately leads to the Divine marriage of the two. It’s a divine marriage between God and His lover. Try to understand the Bani above which you have posted. Be humble.

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Personally sister, I think someone isn’t worth it if you have to pray for then to be with you. If he comes back- will you feel it’s only because of Ardas? Wouldn't that play on your mind?

 

Guru Ji may have a better life planned for you. You need to trust him, and not try to change what is meant to be..... Imagine if he was undercover gay for example and that was the reason he ended it and was depressed...... and instead of being happy in two years from now without him, you just wasted all this time praying for someone like that.

I’m assuming this is your first relationship in your life, which makes it understandable why you are so distraught... psychologically....

However you need to know your own worth. You are a strong woman, you gave your head to your Guru. Look in the mirror, you are not going to cry over a messed up man who doesn’t want you anymore.

Do some serious simran- that will start to toughen you up.

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On 7/3/2020 at 3:55 PM, Guruguruji said:

Thank u both jkv pen ji and raj karega khalsa. 

I'm trying really hard to be focused on guru sahib but I'm really struggling with letting go, I have moments when my anxiety is crazy but when I'm calm my mind is sure that it's going to be a happy ending that it's almost scary. I've been trying to focus on other aspects of my life I.e. getting a new job etc. 

When I do paath or try imagine guru sahib, I can't imagine me on my own, it's always the three of us. 😥 I just don't know what to do with myself. I try to explain to myself maybe this was my kismat but then I remember a katha I've heard that was on the topic of a fortune teller can tell u ur kismat but a true guru can change it for example Mata sulakhani jis saakhi. My family have just let go of the situation now and told me I'm wasting my time doing my ardas for my hubby and if I don't listen to them I'll have to learn the hard way. 😥 many people in my family believe in God but have just accepted that u have to suffer ur karam and God doesn't change anything. I hope waheguru makes this horrible experience into a beautiful blessing from waheguru ji and builds the faith of every single person that hears our story.... It's my sister's wedding soon which is a painful experience for me (I'm happy for her but it's just my wounds haven't healed yet). I'm trying my hardest to be happy for her. May waheguru ji bless their jodi and give me strength to make sure I do my best to make their day as special as possible.

Sorry you’re going through this, you seem like you loved your hubby. Breakups are never easy. Hope Truth and Naam will get you through. Try and find friend or family support. 
 

With me, even if there was no support, I would turn to Truth. Pain is the medicine for without pain, we often forget God. I realised that Pain is Truth, it’s just Karam, it’s God and it’s love, fed to us for a reason. Push through it, recognize it as Karam, and get stronger. 

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Guest Singh

Dear sister,

Marriage has to work both ways. You are loyal, you haven't looked at another man once. You have been praying for your marriage to be saved. But commitment is needed from both sides.

If he wants a divorce then please just respect his wish and do it. Because then maybe my ardaas will come true that I wish Guru Nanak will give you a Sant for a husband! You do have faith in God, a lot of it. I read your posts, keep doing the path especially Sukhmani sahib

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On 7/3/2020 at 2:29 PM, Guruguruji said:

When I do ardas I don't ask for my husband to return I always ask waheguru ji to give me and my hubby the gift of his name so that we can have a happy ghrist jeevan.

You're right about pen ji, I'm so lucky that my parents have made me a talented individual who can manage all the roles of a house wife and have a professional well paid job. Over these past few months I've definitely developed my self worth, I know I'm a strong woman, I still haven't taken a single day off sick from work, I still haven't given up, I do not sit and cry everyday.... I'm prepared for the future, I know i can stand up, speak up and act for my rights now. It's sad I've had to learn the hard way but it's a lesson I'll never forget

I am really glad you are doing better. That you know your worth and keep striving everyday. :)

What you said about no one having the time to listen to ur priblems and emotional issues, really resonated. That is why in these times therapists and counselors are such high paying jobs. People need to pay someone to listen to them and just offer sympathy. Used to be what families and neighbors did for free.

About your hukamnamas. You should take heart that they are positive. That there is hope and Rabb is on ur side. But the hukamnama does not mean that it will solve things instantly. It takes time. Like they say, Rabb de Ghar Der Hai Per Haner Nahi. Meaning it takes time but God doesnt abandon ppl who believe in him. Also your adaas is pretty big. You not only want your husmand back but stronger and more into naam. That will take time. He has to fight his anxiety, relatives, doubt etc to become a better person.

So now that you know, that the outcome will be positive, but you dont know how long its gonna take or when its gonna happen. What will you do? You can either have faith and say God has said to me again and again that my marriage will be saved so i will believe him and not torture myself with imaginings. Just have faith and try to enjoy life. Or you can keep being in doubt and keep asking for more hukamnameh, which you wont believe and will keep taking new ones. And be in unsettled stressful mindset. 

All will be well. God has stated. So why not enjoy life. Leave the hows and why to him

 Our mind is tricky. It wont be quiet and restful. So try simran and meditation. And try CBT, which is cognitive behavior therapy that if you control your thoughts you can control your behavior. For example, if you stop having sad thoughts you will stop crying and being depressed.

So what you do is whenever a negative though comes. You push it out of you mind and refuse to think it. And take ur mind to other directions . You can also wear a rubber band and snap it on your wrist so that it hurts when negative thoughts come. To train your mind not to go there. 

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On 7/3/2020 at 10:29 PM, Guruguruji said:

Thank you pen ji, I know I sound very needy and I feel quite embarrassed at times that I'm blurting my personal life on a forum. I really apologise to the sangat, my hubby and our families. I guess I'm just desperate for answers. 

I totally agree pen ji, if I had a friend going through my situation I'd say the same. It's my mind, I watched at lot of law of attraction videos, I listened to saakhis I.e. matha sulkhani ji, Mata Ganga ji. I also read and listed to real life experiences where people shared how with the support of gurbani their problems were resolved. I've spent the past few months reading books like the power of ardas, qualities of sukhmani sahib.....these things have built a strong hope in my mind. 

My mind will say yes my husband's gone off track but that doesn't mean I wash my hands off him and begin wishing for another one. If I had a child who went off track, I would pray for him not just get rid of him and wish for another better child.

The way we were brought up was very traditional and everything was always about when we got married. I just don't understand how I failed. I still love my husband and I know for a fact he didn't have a black heart but I just don't understand what happened. I feel so impure and disgusting 😥

If my ardas brings back my husband then I will know that I have a golden key, no matter what problem I'll face I know I have the solution . I'll know 'sab te vadda satgur nanak jin kar rakhi meri. I also know that if waheguru brings my husband back that he won't bring back a messed up individual, he'll bring him back as a strong individual. When I do ardas I don't ask for my husband to return I always ask waheguru ji to give me and my hubby the gift of his name so that we can have a happy ghrist jeevan.

You're right about pen ji, I'm so lucky that my parents have made me a talented individual who can manage all the roles of a house wife and have a professional well paid job. Over these past few months I've definitely developed my self worth, I know I'm a strong woman, I still haven't taken a single day off sick from work, I still haven't given up, I do not sit and cry everyday.... I'm prepared for the future, I know i can stand up, speak up and act for my rights now. It's sad I've had to learn the hard way but it's a lesson I'll never forget

I don't know what anyone can say to me to fix my mind.

You don’t need to be sorry :) 

I missed what actually happened and the reason for your breakup, but I doubt you need to feel disgusting. Can you write a letter to him and get all your feelings out? Will that help give you some form of closure? 

Are you in England? It’s probably harder right now due to the lockdown. Once everything opens up and you can do whatever it is you would normally do to keep your mind busy hopefully you will feel a lot better. 

 

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