Worried about my son

[Ranjeet01]

On 6/23/2020 at 3:49 PM, Guest Worried mum said:

My son is 16 and will start college in September. His exams were cancelled due to lockdown and he will receive predicted grades. He was working hard the grades will be very high the school confirmed it.

So until September was supposed to be his time to relax and enjoy himself. I’m worried he’s getting into a bad routine. He’s playing on xbox until 4am then going to bed. Sometimes he’s staying in bed until 3pm then tv or xbox. He said he still does japji sahib and simran but I’m not sure when.

I’ve tried speaking to him but it’s not getting anywhere. He’s got ruder at home now and we have arguments nearly every day. This morning he swore at me when I told him to get up but he apologised when he got up.

I’m really worried and think if this happens until September how will he manage to follow college routines

Has anyone got advice? Do I need to be more strict or am I just over worrying? Is anyone’s kids doing this too?

All boys at this age are doing the same thing.

No school, no routine and with lockdown, online is the only way they keep in touch with their friends. 

Plus also it is found that teenagers tend to sleep longer. It is normal for them to be up at midday on days when they have no routine. 

[Guest Worried mum]

Thank you so much everyone for responding.

My son’s progress at school was very good, he was on the gifted and talented program. I usually had to force him to stop studying and take breaks at home. 

These exams was his first big chance to prove himself in life. He feels cheated and let down by the system because he thinks his hard work has gone to waste. A whole wall in his bedroom was covered in revision notes and he ripped it all down when they confirmed exams won’t happen.

Now it’s like he has switched off. Even in holidays he never overslept. It’s only me and his little sister at home, his dad died a few years ago. He’s the man of the house and he’s committed to taking care of us. That’s why he was so focused on his studies to get a good job one day. Studying gave him an excuse to not think about dad and focus on achieving something positive. But lockdown has taken that away from him. This is why I can’t be too harsh on him.

[MisterrSingh]

On 6/30/2020 at 10:11 PM, Guest Worried mum said:

Thank you so much everyone for responding.

My son’s progress at school was very good, he was on the gifted and talented program. I usually had to force him to stop studying and take breaks at home. 

These exams was his first big chance to prove himself in life. He feels cheated and let down by the system because he thinks his hard work has gone to waste. A whole wall in his bedroom was covered in revision notes and he ripped it all down when they confirmed exams won’t happen.

Now it’s like he has switched off. Even in holidays he never overslept. It’s only me and his little sister at home, his dad died a few years ago. He’s the man of the house and he’s committed to taking care of us. That’s why he was so focused on his studies to get a good job one day. Studying gave him an excuse to not think about dad and focus on achieving something positive. But lockdown has taken that away from him. This is why I can’t be too harsh on him.

Offer him perspective. Explain to him that he's not the only one that's suffered as a result of the Corona lockdown. There's millions of kids in the same boat. The education system isn't to blame for that, and neither has it cheated him out of anything. At the point he started expressing these views, that's when you should've interjected and put him straight. Don't let his misunderstanding of the situation become an entrenched belief.

[Guest Realistic]

Some of the responders are really dramatic and overbearing.

I don't think you are wrong to be concerned but you don't want to be a pushy parent, in the long run this will not benefit your relationship with your son.

Let him know that there is time for playing games and the other actives he wants to do but give him xyz jobs to do and time to spend with you. Get him doing stuff with his friends/ cousins as this is time he will never get back so help him gain life skills cooking/cleaning/gardening/ diy projects

[learningkaur]

He hasn’t been cheated by the system, this is something worldwide and everyone has had to adjust and change their circumstances. I think you should have had him watch the news a lot more. 
 

There are a lot of courses about now or skills to pick up, you could get him to build something out of wood in the garden. Or pay for a online course- there are a lot of free ones about too. He could learn how to code or make websites. Try to make the most of this time.

 

Personally I don’t think what he is even doing is strange, it’s what everyone this age does. If he has taken Amrit then yes he needs to stick to the amrit vela, everything else is pretty normal.

[Singh375]

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[Guest jigsaw_puzzled-singh]

On 6/23/2020 at 3:49 PM, Guest Worried mum said:

My son is 16 and will start college in September. His exams were cancelled due to lockdown and he will receive predicted grades. He was working hard the grades will be very high the school confirmed it.

So until September was supposed to be his time to relax and enjoy himself. I’m worried he’s getting into a bad routine. He’s playing on xbox until 4am then going to bed. Sometimes he’s staying in bed until 3pm then tv or xbox. He said he still does japji sahib and simran but I’m not sure when.

I’ve tried speaking to him but it’s not getting anywhere. He’s got ruder at home now and we have arguments nearly every day. This morning he swore at me when I told him to get up but he apologised when he got up.

I’m really worried and think if this happens until September how will he manage to follow college routines

Has anyone got advice? Do I need to be more strict or am I just over worrying? Is anyone’s kids doing this too?

Yes mine is too. I got worried....asked other parents...and theirs are doing the same. The worse thing is....he staying up 'till 3 or 4 am to watch youtube videos of other people play Fortnite. Until the day I die, I will never understand why kids today get enjoyment out of watching other people play a video game. It will remain one of life's great mysteries.  

My son didn't do much throughout the academic year but studied unbelievably hard for the mocks in January this year and got great grades for them. It's a real shame he won't be able to build on that but hey.....everyone at that age is in the same boat. Including yours. Cut them some slack. The last few months have been surreal. Looking back in a few years, our minds won't be able to process how 60,000 died in a tiny country like the UK in just 2 months. They're kids. Their monds don't know how to process all the madness that's been going on but believe me they do feel it.  Your 15/16 year old is doing exactly the same thing that every other 15/16 year old in the country has been doing since March, i.e staying up 'till 3 or 4 am to play video games. Let him live life and enjoy himself until the second week of August. At that time, let him still have fun but try to install a little bit of discipline by altering the sleep / waking up pattern. By the last week of August, tell him to start the serious preparation for 6th form.  Trust me....all your son's peers have been doing the same thing. Let me and you just give thanks and praises to Waheguru that at least our boys are only staying up late playing video games and not drinking and smoking cannabis like other 16 year olds. 

[Sat1]

On 6/23/2020 at 3:49 PM, Guest Worried mum said:

My son is 16 and will start college in September. His exams were cancelled due to lockdown and he will receive predicted grades. He was working hard the grades will be very high the school confirmed it.

So until September was supposed to be his time to relax and enjoy himself. I’m worried he’s getting into a bad routine. He’s playing on xbox until 4am then going to bed. Sometimes he’s staying in bed until 3pm then tv or xbox. He said he still does japji sahib and simran but I’m not sure when.

I’ve tried speaking to him but it’s not getting anywhere. He’s got ruder at home now and we have arguments nearly every day. This morning he swore at me when I told him to get up but he apologised when he got up.

I’m really worried and think if this happens until September how will he manage to follow college routines

Has anyone got advice? Do I need to be more strict or am I just over worrying? Is anyone’s kids doing this too?

Tell him to go to bed on time, his routine is messed up. Maybe you can teach him properly about the benefits of discipline, having ample sleep, a routine etc. Google psychology videos on how to deal with his behavior or speak to a therapist who can properly advise.