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alcohol in ayurveda


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5 hours ago, learningkaur said:


I know of a lot of couples where the man drinks and due to this the woman is fed up of the him sitting in the pub, not helping with the kids, I could make a big list but all these consequences to alcohol create a lot of arguments the next day! Which can then lead to the failure of a marriage.

I know a few women who still haven’t managed to move out of their inlaws houses and buy their own house after years and years which they really want to do... all because their husbands disposable income is all spent at the pub.
 

 

What I noticed with apnay drinking in a marriage is that some seem to be able to handle it and function relatively normally  but some get a few in them and do that stereotype pendu thing of getting becoming 'soormay' and getting aggressive and abusive towards those close to them. Like Jekyll and Hyde.  I really feel sorry for women married to blokes like that. 

 

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I’m in the midlands and there’s a big pub culture here. 

Those blokes are too busy 'aving pint down pub and sticking ferrets down their pent....

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7 minutes ago, learningkaur said:

The care home thing- I think many of us who are 20-30s generation and below will end up buying retirement homes. I don’t personally see it as a really bad thing. It is what it is. Just have to try to keep healthy and fit so you can do a lot for yourself. I don’t want my kids to have to revolve their life around me, if they want to go abroad or just have some peace as a couple without me there in their face every day it’s fine by me.I don’t think not living with your inlaws is a bad thing. Everyone has a better relationship with space between them. You sometimes can be emotionally closer by living apart. People first did it when they arrived here as they moved here and needed to save money.

 

That's the attitude that will prevail I guess. In the end, a lot of the younger generations don't feel that fear about being on their own like the olders from back home do. I do believe that absence can make the heart grow fonder and decent children will make effort to keep in touch with their parents regardless. I Think lots of parent-children relationships actually go sour because people are in each others face so much and irritate each other over long periods of time. 


 

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A lot of women are mistreated living with inlaws, I don’t know many daughter in laws who are actually treated like daughters and not under pressure to please everyone. Women deserve to be comfortable in their own homes and for things like their own family to come over and visit comfortably, something that rarely happens when you live together with inlaws. Plus kids deserve to have space to sleep in, a proper study area if you can afford it.

That's the white elephant a lot of momma boys apnay don't want to face. There is a strange Queen Bee syndrome that is prevalent in the females of the older generations. Even an otherwise innocuous looking buddhi can turn into a demented, petty control freak when a new younger female enters a household. Then they make it all crazy about the loyalty of their sons and husbands towards themselves  in some strange jealous streak. Then a strange female power struggle ensues in the house making a toxic environment. 

Not all buddhriyan are like this, but it is something that isn't uncommon too. Yeah, a lot of apneean really seem to have difficulties in accepting and treating a new bride like a daughter. But females need to face up to this and admit this is a problem in between themselves.  

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22 minutes ago, shastarSingh said:

dallysingh 101

veer jee wat do u think of drinking alcohol in small amounts like 30-40 ml before sleeping?

Veera, is a Sikh forum any sort of place to condone drinking, especially given what has been mentioned above with how alcoholism or drink culture can negatively impact families and especially effects females who have to bear the brunt of this? 

That being said, apnay need to stop being in denial about this issue in the community. 

 

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20 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Veera, is a Sikh forum any sort of place to condone drinking, especially given what has been mentioned above with how alcoholism or drink culture can negatively impact families and especially effects females who have to bear the brunt of this? 

That being said, apnay need to stop being in denial about this issue in the community. 

 

wat about the British sources mentioning Singhs drinking liquor?

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55 minutes ago, learningkaur said:

The care home thing- I think many of us who are 20-30s generation and below will end up buying retirement homes. I don’t personally see it as a really bad thing. It is what it is. Just have to try to keep healthy and fit so you can do a lot for yourself. I don’t want my kids to have to revolve their life around me, if they want to go abroad or just have some peace as a couple without me there in their face every day it’s fine by me.

I don’t think not living with your inlaws is a bad thing. Everyone has a better relationship with space between them. You sometimes can be emotionally closer by living apart. People first did it when they arrived here as they moved here and needed to save money.

A lot of women are mistreated living with inlaws, I don’t know many daughter in laws who are actually treated like daughters and not under pressure to please everyone. Women deserve to be comfortable in their own homes and for things like their own family to come over and visit comfortably, something that rarely happens when you live together with inlaws. Plus kids deserve to have space to sleep in, a proper study area if you can afford it.

Yeah I agree absolutely, with changing times a lot of traditional responsibilities like caring for elderly parents, in-laws, families/relatives etc are not practical in today's time. That's what mean old traditions and duties like marriage, in-laws, living with parents, religion etc are just not compatible or seen as relevant in today's time for a large number of people. The Punjabi community has held onto these traditions for a very long time, I'm surprised they have managed to hang on for so long, but its different for young people. But it's normal for traditional responsibilities, duties, customs to vanish because you start assimilating into the ways of your host country. Same is happening with Pubjabi community. 

I personally come from a tradition stubborn stock lol  so I wouldn't put my parents into a care home, I see it as my duty to look after them. As a strong believer in god I believe in divine judgment and see looking after parents as a religious duty aswell. Same with marriage, I believe the center of marriage should be God. Most people my age would be like <banned word filter activated>   LOL! 

But yeah these kind of old traditions have very little meaning for most young people, and why would they! 

For most young people the idea of finding a care home for their parents is  more practical. Religion just doeant have a place in modern relationships and is outdated in comparison to most peoples lifestyle. God just doesnt play a role or have any importance for people these days. 

Another reason I believe for marriage being less appealing for younger people is that dating and sexual relationships are more acceptable in the punjabi community now, and that kind of defeats one of the purposes of marriage. Why marry when you have the whole package without a official marriage ceremony.

But yeah these are interesting times, vast majority are letting go of the old ways and assimilating into western ways, while a minority are practicing the old ways, and these conflicting ways are under one umbrella "punjabi community"  its a reason why there is so much clash and confusion. Once the line is more clear then I think there will be more harmony. 

 

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16 minutes ago, puzzled said:

Yeah I agree absolutely, with changing times a lot of traditional responsibilities like caring for elderly parents, in-laws, families/relatives etc are not practical in today's time. That's what mean old traditions and duties like marriage, in-laws, living with parents, religion etc are just not compatible or seen as relevant in today's time for a large number of people. The Punjabi community has held onto these traditions for a very long time, I'm surprised they have managed to hang on for so long, but its different for young people. But it's normal for traditional responsibilities, duties, customs to vanish because you start assimilating into the ways of your host country. Same is happening with Pubjabi community. 

I personally come from a tradition stubborn stock lol  so I wouldn't put my parents into a care home, I see it as my duty to look after them. As a strong believer in god I believe in divine judgment and see looking after parents as a religious duty aswell. Same with marriage, I believe the center of marriage should be God. Most people my age would be like <banned word filter activated>   LOL! 

But yeah these kind of old traditions have very little meaning for most young people, and why would they! 

For most young people the idea of finding a care home for their parents is  more practical. Religion just doeant have a place in modern relationships and is outdated in comparison to most peoples lifestyle. God just doesnt play a role or have any importance for people these days. 

Another reason I believe for marriage being less appealing for younger people is that dating and sexual relationships are more acceptable in the punjabi community now, and that kind of defeats one of the purposes of marriage. Why marry when you have the whole package without a official marriage ceremony.

But yeah these are interesting times, vast majority are letting go of the old ways and assimilating into western ways, while a minority are practicing the old ways, and these conflicting ways are under one umbrella "punjabi community"  its a reason why there is so much clash and confusion. Once the line is more clear then I think there will be more harmony. 

 

There are various reasons for this.

You talk as a son wanting to look after your parents in their old age. But will your wife agree to this? Historically, it is the daughter-in-law that does the looking aftering. 

We hear this a lot from Sikh women that their brothers don't care about their parents and only themselves as daughters do.

However, these same daughters who love and care about their parents so much don't give 2 hoots about their husband's parents. They will engineer scenarios to ensure that the son (her husband) does not look after his parents only for her nannan to gloat that her useless brother could not be bother.

A lot of these daughter-in-law were treated quite well by their in-laws. Let us be aware that daughter-in-laws can be abusive.

These daughters-in-law who feign abuse are also nannans who can gang up with their sisters and mothers against their bhabis. 

Beware of the female double game.

They are the loyal dutiful daughter who complains her brother does not do the right thing whilst at the same time ensure her husband does what she does not want her brother to do.

Then you have the jealous sisters who crave the attention that the brothers get. You hear this all time from these girls always complaining about the double standard in treatment. 

But as people live older they develop dementia. 

Traditionally, in Punjab people don't seem to get dementia like here in the west. 

Living with someone who has dementia is very hard as they need around the clock care. 

The social contract between parent and child is what is key in our families, your parents look after you and then you look after them. 

This is broken in gorah society.

But we see goreh dump their parents into care homes. Just remember that same gorah as kid was kicked out of his family home at the age of 16 because his parents could not support him.

What goes around comes around.

 

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31 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

There are various reasons for this.

You talk as a son wanting to look after your parents in their old age. But will your wife agree to this? Historically, it is the daughter-in-law that does the looking aftering. 

We hear this a lot from Sikh women that their brothers don't care about their parents and only themselves as daughters do.

However, these same daughters who love and care about their parents so much don't give 2 hoots about their husband's parents. They will engineer scenarios to ensure that the son (her husband) does not look after his parents only for her nannan to gloat that her useless brother could not be bother.

A lot of these daughter-in-law were treated quite well by their in-laws. Let us be aware that daughter-in-laws can be abusive.

These daughters-in-law who feign abuse are also nannans who can gang up with their sisters and mothers against their bhabis. 

Beware of the female double game.

They are the loyal dutiful daughter who complains her brother does not do the right thing whilst at the same time ensure her husband does what she does not want her brother to do.

Then you have the jealous sisters who crave the attention that the brothers get. You hear this all time from these girls always complaining about the double standard in treatment. 

But as people live older they develop dementia. 

Traditionally, in Punjab people don't seem to get dementia like here in the west. 

Living with someone who has dementia is very hard as they need around the clock care. 

The social contract between parent and child is what is key in our families, your parents look after you and then you look after them. 

This is broken in gorah society.

But we see goreh dump their parents into care homes. Just remember that same gorah as kid was kicked out of his family home at the age of 16 because his parents could not support him.

What goes around comes around.

 

Yup I'm aware of some women trying to get in between their husbands and his parents relationship. Interestingly these same women end up getting dumped by their sons once the sons are married.

Daughter in-laws complaining about mother in-laws may have a point, but you can't dismiss a mother in-law complaining about her daughter-inlaw either. Some mother in laws will obviously complain for good reasons, but the daughter in-laws like pulling the victim card.  Coming from a traditional family i'v seen enough cases of both parties being equally in the wrong. 

Your right karma does come back, the same women that became a barrier between their husband and his parents, are the same middle aged ladies with depression that you see weeping at the Gurdwara that no one cares about.

It's one of the gd things about living in a brown area, you really see karma playing out and smacking people back in the face. I see it as a learning curve. Learning from other peoples situations. It becomes a reminder of Wahegurus divine system of karma. 

 

 

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55 minutes ago, puzzled said:

I personally come from a tradition stubborn stock lol  so I wouldn't put my parents into a care home, I see it as my duty to look after them.

That’s good and hopefully you do. You haven’t got married yet and still don’t know how the relationship between your parents and your wife will be though. I think most of our generation would look after them, just not the next... but more so because a lot of us would say it’s fine as long as you visit me. Maybe by then there will be some sikh care homes!


 

51 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

The social contract between parent and child is what is key in our families, your parents look after you and then you look after them. 

This is broken in gorah society.

But we see goreh dump their parents into care homes. Just remember that same gorah as kid was kicked out of his family home at the age of 16 because his parents could not support him.

What goes around comes around.

 

This is true, and the case in a few punjabi families I know... where the inlaws haven’t done anything for the couple or their grandkids, like look after them, call to ever see how they are, do the normal parent things.. let the couple struggle for childcare and balancing family life- and as a result the couple then aren’t willing adjust their life to make sacrifices to have the parents live with them when they are elderly.

This tends to happen when a girl comes from a very loving involved family with a maternal mother and has a shock at how unmaternal her mother inlaw is..... the husband generally starts to see the difference in the families once he also gets a new loving mother through his wife! Literally the case for every young family on my husbands side.

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