What do I do now?

[Guruguruji]

.

[Shaheed4life]

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh 

Bhenji,the only advice I can give you is that you should leave it to Vaheguru.Its like we are in a ship.We are not in control of it.So we should have trust in the One controlling it and have faith as He wont let us down and steer us the wrong way.

Bhul Chuk Maf 

[Sat1]

5 hours ago, Guruguruji said:

Finally my sisters wedding day is over, it’s been one of the toughest experiences of my life due to my situation but I feel proud for not crying about my pain, joining in with the preps’ singing and dancing and helping out to the best of my ability. 
 

Now that it is over I’m looking at my life;

- my marriage. It’s been 8 months I’ve heard nothing from my in-laws or hubby despite all my efforts. 

- divorce papers sent by him hanging in the middle as I didn’t respond (I was trusting/praying to god to help me fix things) 

- leaving my job as it’s too far from my parents house. Due to the nature of my job the peak time for job opportunities are May/June and December. I missed the June opportunity as I was fixated on my marriage. It seems as if I will have to rely on day-to-day agency work until December. (There may be a lack of opportunity with agency work due  whole COVID situation )

- watching my sisters Laavan, I just felt so distanced from God, I don’t feel motivated to pray as much and my routine has been broken due to to the wedding etc. I’m planning to get back on routine but just doing the minimum of what an amritdhari should do as I don’t want to break the promises made at the Amrit sanchaar. 

-I’m really happy for my sister but as I’ve had no time to actually and cry as the past 8 months have been occasions leading up to my sisters wedding and all the family have to emphasising how I need to make sure I’m strong so I don’t ruin it for my sister. I feel lost now. 

 

I just don’t know what to do with myself, I’ve lost myself I don’t know who I am. I have no job, my family life is destroyed my faith has been tested. 
 

I know a lot of people will say find yourself etc go gym do this do that but I come from a very traditional family where as girls we don’t go out alone. I appreciate my family structure and understand the benefits of it too and I know some people’s opinion may differ (please don’t divert this post on a debate) 

Do what you want, be a good soul. Mai Bhago didn’t care, she rode off to battle and lead a group of men with her. As a girl she was free and did what she wanted. Your gender doesn’t dictate the level of freedom you have, but it’s your choice. 

Perhaps remember that we come alone and leave alone. Most people will experience the pain of losing someone they loved or once loved. Those who are fortunate in this Janam would have recognized that fact that All is Truth/ God, you’re a part of Him so have faith. It will take you time to get over the separation of your husband but you can move forward with your own life and be happy. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal if you need to. 
 

 

 

[pardesanbibbi2]

.....

[Guest Sangat]

You ask for our advice and don’t follow it, you blame god for all your problems. What more do you want us to do?

Would be better if you were a white atheist. That way you’d have gone to the pub day 1 of breaking up, got drunk and moved on in life.

You might have cheated on your partner in previous life and this is payback, who knows? 

[Not2Cool2Argue]

I think its great that ur asking for advice and looking for support. You havent given up thats good. 

Like you said, you have the job to look forward to. Secure the december one. And see if you can apply to more jobs. And hopefully you can be independent one day. Dont let the location of jobs being too far from your parents hinder you. As soon they will start saying you have to think of your future, we cant support you forever, you should remarry. And if you are independent, have multiple jobs or one well paying job, have an apartment and keep busy, this time the decision to marry will be yours. And you wont be talked into it by your parents. 

[Guest Advice is FREE]

Dont be shy about asking for advice or help. People who mind and are getting mad for no reason are idiots

Its not like advice costs them anything. And if you choose not to follow that advice, it is because it wasn't good advice. You best can decide what is suited to your life and circumstances. And a wise person does not follow advice blindly. In fact, if you choose not to follow their advice, that means their advice was terrible.  As it didn't help and didn't address your situation adequately. So far it hasn't helped, so their help and advice sucked.

People say we are sangat, ask for help. Then when you do, and its a complex issue not easily solved, they get butthurt. And chase the person with problems away. Then say, oh why is the panth in this state.

[Guest Sangat]

On 8/5/2020 at 12:18 AM, Guest Advice is FREE said:

Dont be shy about asking for advice or help. People who mind and are getting mad for no reason are idiots

Its not like advice costs them anything. And if you choose not to follow that advice, it is because it wasn't good advice. You best can decide what is suited to your life and circumstances. And a wise person does not follow advice blindly. In fact, if you choose not to follow their advice, that means their advice was terrible.  As it didn't help and didn't address your situation adequately. So far it hasn't helped, so their help and advice sucked.

People say we are sangat, ask for help. Then when you do, and its a complex issue not easily solved, they get butthurt. And chase the person with problems away. Then say, oh why is the panth in this state.

I spent hours of my time replying to this person and they come back each time with the same issue. I’m now taking a tough love approach because nothing else will make them move forward in life.

8 months is too long to be waiting for someone who already dumped her and is probably in bed with someone else to change their mind.

Everyone who read the posts wants this person to be happy. If it was my own sister I wouldn’t let the issue go on this long, I’d force her to sign those papers. 

I know I upset the person because they’ve edited and deleted most of their posts. But I really do want them to let go and move on. Sorry but I think faith is causing her to not let go. She’s done everything in her power to save the marriage, well done to her for that. But being wise is knowing when to draw a line and move forward.

The thing which pushed me this far is her blaming Guru for this. I won’t sit quite while someone insults my Guru

[Guest Sangat]

Just to add, actually maybe “Advice is FREE” is the original poster, posting as gupat. I just got a feeling it might be.

Everything is in Guru Granth Sahib Ji, including one particular shabad. Do abhiyas of that shabad and you can be re-united with your beloved.

But I believe its incorrect to tell you that shabad, because your husband sounds like a right **** of a man. You deserve a proper god fearing husband not someone who treats you like filth. 

[Guest Sangat]

In fact I’m certain “Guest Advice is FREE” is the original poster.

She mentioned before how she gets angry with her own family. Well I’m a registered user on this forum who she’s spoken with over last few months. Love filled conversations 

Now she’s saying I’m an <banned word filter activated> and sangat’s advice sucked.