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Guest Stranger101

Is love marriage in same pind allowed? PLEASE HELP

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Guest Stranger101

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji Ki Fateh 

I am a 20 year old girl living in Canada with my parents. A few years ago, we went to visit family back in India where I met my childhood bestfriend who I grew up playing with (they were our neighbors). When I came back to Canada, we started talking and became really close. When my parents found out I talk to him, they got extremely mad, threatened to kick me out of the house, and said I was gonna ruin their “izzat” in society. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I only lived in India for a few years of my life so how is this wrong? My dad says that everyone in same pind are siblings... but we are not related in any way, I am pretty sure my grandparents moved to this pind when they were younger from another place. I have been talking to him for 2 years now and we are each other’s happy place. I don’t know how I get my parents to understand, I have no one to talk to about this. Don’t know what to do. Just found this page, someone please help :(

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Guest Jigsaw_Puzzled_Singh
11 hours ago, Guest Stranger101 said:

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji Ki Fateh 

I am a 20 year old girl living in Canada with my parents. A few years ago, we went to visit family back in India where I met my childhood bestfriend who I grew up playing with (they were our neighbors). When I came back to Canada, we started talking and became really close. When my parents found out I talk to him, they got extremely mad, threatened to kick me out of the house, and said I was gonna ruin their “izzat” in society. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I only lived in India for a few years of my life so how is this wrong? My dad says that everyone in same pind are siblings... but we are not related in any way, I am pretty sure my grandparents moved to this pind when they were younger from another place. I have been talking to him for 2 years now and we are each other’s happy place. I don’t know how I get my parents to understand, I have no one to talk to about this. Don’t know what to do. Just found this page, someone please help :(

If you're from the same pend and that other person has the same surname to you both you and that other person share a common great grand-father whether you're "pretty sure you're not related" or not. So when you say you "don't know how to get your parents to understand" what you're really saying is that you want to convince your parents that medical science doesn't exist and you don't wish to believe that your off-spring will have a far greater chance of some deformity or medical abnormality. 

At the end of the day this really comes down to intellect. The difference between yourself and your elders when it comes to intellect. In your case, you've been so pre-occupied with learning about western history that you don't know the first thing about your own local history. A lack of knowledge so striking that you're even willing to risk deformities in your children. Do you think white people do that ?  Do you think they master the history of the black man or brown man before studying their own history ?  It's a question of intellect. Your parents have it but you have none.

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As long as none of your maternal or paternal surnames match, there's nothing wrong with this in the strictest sense from a Sikhi perspective. 

This issue however, is more about how your parents perceive the relationship they have with the people of the pind. And yes, traditionally speaking, all people of the same pind are considered to be siblings. That's why you'll meet some people who's surname is the same name as the pind or place they're from (Johal, Baidwan, Doabia etc.).

But ultimately, as with all issues, it depends how far you (and your friend) are willing to take this to make it work. And yes, it may unfortunately mean cutting ties with your parents. Some might say that is wrong, while others will say it's unfair for your parents to force you in to this situation. 

Like most things in life, it's not black or white. It's understanding the situation the best you can, making the decision you feel is right, and being prepared to live with the consequences of your decision. 

Best of luck 🙏🏾

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16 hours ago, Guest Stranger101 said:

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji Ki Fateh 

I am a 20 year old girl living in Canada with my parents. A few years ago, we went to visit family back in India where I met my childhood bestfriend who I grew up playing with (they were our neighbors). When I came back to Canada, we started talking and became really close. When my parents found out I talk to him, they got extremely mad, threatened to kick me out of the house, and said I was gonna ruin their “izzat” in society. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I only lived in India for a few years of my life so how is this wrong? My dad says that everyone in same pind are siblings... but we are not related in any way, I am pretty sure my grandparents moved to this pind when they were younger from another place. I have been talking to him for 2 years now and we are each other’s happy place. I don’t know how I get my parents to understand, I have no one to talk to about this. Don’t know what to do. Just found this page, someone please help :(

focus on your Uni and career. take your time in this situation, don't rush into things! then make a wise decision!

 

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On 10/1/2020 at 10:35 AM, Guest Stranger101 said:

pretty sure my grandparents moved to this pind when they were younger from another place. I have been talking to him for 2 years now and we are each other’s happy place. I don’t know how I get my parents to understand, I have no one to talk to about this. Don’t know what to do. Just found this page, someone please help 

people from the pind are usually related. Even if they dont share surnames. They could be your great great grandfathers daughters kids who moved to this pind because their dad died. 

Anyways. You are only 20. Do you want to get married soon? If not stop talking to guys. 

Everyone knows first love never lasts. And if you are going the western way in ur relationships. First heartbreak is also a milestone. Wallow in it, cry for a few days. Enjoy the melancholy.

Dont antagonize ur parents, ur future, ur education for this guy. 

Western societies believe love is amazing and special. Its not. People fall in love multiple times, even marry and promise love till death and then divorce and then find another love to marry. 

Any guy you start talking to and share 'dukh sukh' u will become emotionally attached and be in love with. So forget this guy, you will find another one. 

And hopefully, like alot of indian girls, remember to see if the guy is suitable before deciding to fall in love or getting involved. Which usually includes finding his caste, surname, nanake pind, income level, any enemities with ur family 😛 just a heads up

 

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On 10/1/2020 at 9:35 PM, Guest Stranger101 said:

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji Ki Fateh 

I am a 20 year old girl living in Canada with my parents. A few years ago, we went to visit family back in India where I met my childhood bestfriend who I grew up playing with (they were our neighbors). When I came back to Canada, we started talking and became really close. When my parents found out I talk to him, they got extremely mad, threatened to kick me out of the house, and said I was gonna ruin their “izzat” in society. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I only lived in India for a few years of my life so how is this wrong? My dad says that everyone in same pind are siblings... but we are not related in any way, I am pretty sure my grandparents moved to this pind when they were younger from another place. I have been talking to him for 2 years now and we are each other’s happy place. I don’t know how I get my parents to understand, I have no one to talk to about this. Don’t know what to do. Just found this page, someone please help :(

Hello.. I can understand what you are going through because we all have been thru this first love and all but  you are really young. This is the time for you to focus on your career. You are too young to think of marriage. I agree with all the comment above.. At this point, your parents know the best for you. We have no clue about that guy but 98% of Indians want to impress Americans, Canadians with their lovie dovie talk because they know it is an easy way to get there.. Nothing is wrong with it if everyone is happy with it and I don't mean to judge anyone.. Just saying in general..

To be honest, if you can connect with Naam Simran and have patience. You will get all your answers.. I used to get confused about things and doing paath and Ardaas for the right path was the most helpful way for me to decide. 

What you can do for now is take a break and tell the guy that you will focus on your studies and job for now.. Maybe give another 3-4 years and I am sure you will see the reality by then.

Sangat ji here knows better about our culture and I remember I used to call all the men and women of my dad's city as chachey and bhuas.. so it is making sense that pind waley are all like brothers and sisters but again I don't have that much knowledge about it..

My point is please give some time to yourself. Give few years to your priorities( Naam Simran, Paath, parents, studies, your health, your career)..

Good luck :)

 

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On 10/2/2020 at 2:53 PM, indersingh1313 said:

focus on your Uni and career. take your time in this situation, don't rush into things! then make a wise decision!

 

I agree

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On 10/2/2020 at 11:11 AM, Koi said:

As long as none of your maternal or paternal surnames match, there's nothing wrong with this in the strictest sense from a Sikhi perspective. 

This issue however, is more about how your parents perceive the relationship they have with the people of the pind. And yes, traditionally speaking, all people of the same pind are considered to be siblings. That's why you'll meet some people who's surname is the same name as the pind or place they're from (Johal, Baidwan, Doabia etc.).

But ultimately, as with all issues, it depends how far you (and your friend) are willing to take this to make it work. And yes, it may unfortunately mean cutting ties with your parents. Some might say that is wrong, while others will say it's unfair for your parents to force you in to this situation. 

Like most things in life, it's not black or white. It's understanding the situation the best you can, making the decision you feel is right, and being prepared to live with the consequences of your decision. 

Best of luck 🙏🏾

Strong points.. well said

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On 10/2/2020 at 8:43 AM, Guest Singh said:

When he comes to canada and gets paka he will sponsor his Gf over anyways. 

Maybe.. you never know..  There are many cases like that and it is really sad..

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Guest jigsaw_puzzled-singh
6 hours ago, kaur said:

 but again I don't have that much knowledge about it..

^ says "I don't have much knowledge of it" ever AFTER I gave her knowledge of it. 🥺

OP.....username Kaur is the low standard of unpadhness that's giving you advice here so be careful what you take. As I told you before, everyone from the same village with the same surname has the same great or great-great grandfather which increases your chances significantly of producing serious defects in your children if you marry someone from the same pend.

If, as you say might be the case, your family side are strangers / newcomers to the pend then that still doesn't make it OK because by using the same argument you might as well go ahead and fall in love and have carnal relations with your mami or chachi because they too are strangers / newcomers without being related by blood. Oh wait....too late....we've already started going down that route haven't we.

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Guest N/a

Hi I wish i could talk you one on one because I'm in the same boat. I wish we could talk about this if possible would mean so much to me.

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Guest

There is NO such thing as True Love. Its only “Infatuation”. Its your mind playing tricks on you. Listen to the advise above and forget that guy. By forgetting him, he is not gonna be dead or be misreable.

I am going to tell you something right now. You should write it on a piece of paper. 
 

Even if all the people on this forum tell you otherwise, you are still going to chase that guy against your parents will. No matter what anyone says

Now, do you want to read something that you really like?

In Muslim religion marriage between siblings are allowed, such as cousins etc.

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