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Sat shri akal

I'm facing the same problem . I fell in love with a boy and he is genuinely in love with me too . We want to get married but i also know that my family is strictly against inter caste marriage. Now should i try to convince my parents or should i end this relationship?

I really want to marry him he is trying to risk it all for me and i want to do the same thing. Please help i want an advice .

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Women generally get over break-ups better than men. Oneitis is not good. I can guarantee that she was seeing other people far sooner than 3 years. But it is good that you never went back wit

Bro at the time it was very hard to accept the ways things had turned out so every possibility of a reunion felt great, but now I look back it's very clear that we were not supposed to be together. 

Sikhi supports casteless Anand Karaj. 

On 11/3/2020 at 7:40 PM, Guest Anonymous said:

Sat shri akal

I'm facing the same problem . I fell in love with a boy and he is genuinely in love with me too . We want to get married but i also know that my family is strictly against inter caste marriage. Now should i try to convince my parents or should i end this relationship?

I really want to marry him he is trying to risk it all for me and i want to do the same thing. Please help i want an advice .

This happened to someone I know. He fell in love with a girl. They were an exact match for each other. He was Tarkhan, she was Jatt. They were together for over one and a half years. She never told her parents about them two being together. Her parents wanted her to marry a Jatt, his family didn't care about caste.

In the end, after more than a year and a half of love and wanting to get married and planning a future together (kids etc.), she got introduced to another guy who was a Jatt. And instead of standing up for her relationship she had with my friend and saying the truth, she broke my friends heart and stabbed him in the back to save her own skin. She's now going to marry this new guy, after destroying my friend.

Much like your guy, my friend risked it all to make it work. It's been almost a year since she betrayed him, but he's still suffering, and she didn't look back even once to see how he was.

This is the problem with people today. They want to play grown up games and "be in a relationship". But when it comes to actually standing up for the relationship, they chicken out and back down, even if it means breaking another person's heart. Because, who cares right? As long as you save your own skin...

To the original poster, I'm not having a go at you, but this does happen. If this boy is exactly the type of guy your parents would want (except the caste of course), then you got a chance. The only real advice is to tell them the truth and stick to your guns. I've seen this situation so many times, and I can tell you that you can 1000% make it work. But you gotta have the balls to stand up for what's right. Otherwise, much like my friend, you will destroy this guy. 

I really hope this works out for you, because I tired of seeing good people get heart broken. Wish you all the best 👍🏾.

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1 hour ago, Koi said:

This happened to someone I know. He fell in love with a girl. They were an exact match for each other. He was Tarkhan, she was Jatt. They were together for over one and a half years. She never told her parents about them two being together. Her parents wanted her to marry a Jatt, his family didn't care about caste.

In the end, after more than a year and a half of love and wanting to get married and planning a future together (kids etc.), she got introduced to another guy who was a Jatt. And instead of standing up for her relationship she had with my friend and saying the truth, she broke my friends heart and stabbed him in the back to save her own skin. She's now going to marry this new guy, after destroying my friend.

Much like your guy, my friend risked it all to make it work. It's been almost a year since she betrayed him, but he's still suffering, and she didn't look back even once to see how he was.

This is the problem with people today. They want to play grown up games and "be in a relationship". But when it comes to actually standing up for the relationship, they chicken out and back down, even if it means breaking another person's heart. Because, who cares right? As long as you save your own skin...

To the original poster, I'm not having a go at you, but this does happen. If this boy is exactly the type of guy your parents would want (except the caste of course), then you got a chance. The only real advice is to tell them the truth and stick to your guns. I've seen this situation so many times, and I can tell you that you can 1000% make it work. But you gotta have the balls to stand up for what's right. Otherwise, much like my friend, you will destroy this guy. 

I really hope this works out for you, because I tired of seeing good people get heart broken. Wish you all the best 👍🏾.

wjkk wjkf bai ji first of all I don't believe in caste system BUT  I live in a society which believe in the caste system (sadly) and hopefully soon we will get over this issue in the future with Guru Ji's blessings. but for now we just have to deal with it and find the best possible solution for it.

I understand and feel sorry for your friend, however they both knew at the first place that they were different caste and it will be an issue for them, so why didn't they tell their parents earlier? of course after one and half year of relationship they will suffer if they have to go apart or at least one of them as in your friend's case!

NOTE: Solution:- in my opinion, have a clear regular communication between you and your parents instead of an argument. listen to the parents because they have been through this age. slowly make them understand with the examples from Guru Ji's bani and lifestyle. 

I wouldn't just fall into the relationship and leave it to the last minute to worry about it. I would just deal with it before starting relationship with someone. 

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9 hours ago, indersingh1313 said:

wjkk wjkf bai ji first of all I don't believe in caste system BUT  I live in a society which believe in the caste system (sadly) and hopefully soon we will get over this issue in the future with Guru Ji's blessings. but for now we just have to deal with it and find the best possible solution for it.

I understand and feel sorry for your friend, however they both knew at the first place that they were different caste and it will be an issue for them, so why didn't they tell their parents earlier? of course after one and half year of relationship they will suffer if they have to go apart or at least one of them as in your friend's case!

NOTE: Solution:- in my opinion, have a clear regular communication between you and your parents instead of an argument. listen to the parents because they have been through this age. slowly make them understand with the examples from Guru Ji's bani and lifestyle. 

I wouldn't just fall into the relationship and leave it to the last minute to worry about it. I would just deal with it before starting relationship with someone. 

He trusted her. She promised him. He asked her point blank if she was happy with this, if she wanted to marry him, if she loved him, if she would convince her parents. She answered yes every single time. So if she betrays him at the most crucial point, what the hell is he gonna do?

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9 hours ago, Koi said:

He trusted her. She promised him. He asked her point blank if she was happy with this, if she wanted to marry him, if she loved him, if she would convince her parents. She answered yes every single time. So if she betrays him at the most crucial point, what the hell is he gonna do?

Her family may have had a strong influence on her decisions. Its sad but now its done, he needs to understand his feelings and pull himself together. Its a big life lesson for him. He will get through it and the sooner he does the better. Instead of being bitter think of it as Vahegurus lessons along the journey through life.

All break ups where people are emotionally involved and committed are painful.

This is life and it seems to happen more these days. 

Back to OP. As per advice above, open and honest conversations should happen by each person and their parents as soon as you think things might get serious. If the other person cant or doesnt want to speak to their parents then you know its not serious or they cant commit, perhaps dont get too involved and be sensible. This shouldnt be forced, its quite pressurising for some people, often a big issue in stricter families.

In some families marriage is also the merging of two families so parents and family have more to consider so things can get complicated.  Thats regardless of caste, families often look beyond the couple. In the west its more about two ppl. We sometimes get stuck between it all.

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1 hour ago, AcceptWill201 said:

Her family may have had a strong influence on her decisions. Its sad but now its done, he needs to understand his feelings and pull himself together. Its a big life lesson for him. He will get through it and the sooner he does the better. Instead of being bitter think of it as Vahegurus lessons along the journey through life.

All break ups where people are emotionally involved and committed are painful.

This is life and it seems to happen more these days. 

Back to OP. As per advice above, open and honest conversations should happen by each person and their parents as soon as you think things might get serious. If the other person cant or doesnt want to speak to their parents then you know its not serious or they cant commit, perhaps dont get too involved and be sensible. This shouldnt be forced, its quite pressurising for some people, often a big issue in stricter families.

In some families marriage is also the merging of two families so parents and family have more to consider so things can get complicated.  Thats regardless of caste, families often look beyond the couple. In the west its more about two ppl. We sometimes get stuck between it all.

totally agree singh Saab ji

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On 11/3/2020 at 2:40 PM, Guest Anonymous said:

Sat shri akal

I'm facing the same problem . I fell in love with a boy and he is genuinely in love with me too . We want to get married but i also know that my family is strictly against inter caste marriage. Now should i try to convince my parents or should i end this relationship?

I really want to marry him he is trying to risk it all for me and i want to do the same thing. Please help i want an advice .

Go for it. 

Good luck. 

You should be able to marry anyone you like. 

Be free. 

God will not punish you even if you marry a black or white person 

Trust me. 

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On 11/5/2020 at 10:35 AM, indersingh1313 said:

wjkk wjkf bai ji first of all I don't believe in caste system BUT  I live in a society which believe in the caste system (sadly) and hopefully soon we will get over this issue in the future with Guru Ji's blessings. but for now we just have to deal with it and find the best possible solution for it.

I understand and feel sorry for your friend, however they both knew at the first place that they were different caste and it will be an issue for them, so why didn't they tell their parents earlier? of course after one and half year of relationship they will suffer if they have to go apart or at least one of them as in your friend's case!

NOTE: Solution:- in my opinion, have a clear regular communication between you and your parents instead of an argument. listen to the parents because they have been through this age. slowly make them understand with the examples from Guru Ji's bani and lifestyle. 

I wouldn't just fall into the relationship and leave it to the last minute to worry about it. I would just deal with it before starting relationship with someone. 

Whilst I agree, when you trust someone, you don't see the betrayal coming. And of course, everything is "easy" in hindsight, but when you're in that situation (like the OP) it's a different case.

But yes, lessons to be learnt. If you don't have the guts or the intention to see it through, then don't start anything. 

OP - sort this out before you destroy this guy. And tbh, whilst I agree you should give examples from Gurbani etc., the main thing that's going to convince them is your resolve and solid intentions. That's all there really is to it...

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2 hours ago, Koi said:

Whilst I agree, when you trust someone, you don't see the betrayal coming. And of course, everything is "easy" in hindsight, but when you're in that situation (like the OP) it's a different case.

But yes, lessons to be learnt. If you don't have the guts or the intention to see it through, then don't start anything. 

OP - sort this out before you destroy this guy. And tbh, whilst I agree you should give examples from Gurbani etc., the main thing that's going to convince them is your resolve and solid intentions. That's all there really is to it...

surely it can be an expensive lesson.

my opinion: there are two ways of leaning thing. first learn from others experiences or mistakes, second you learn from your experiences or mistakes.  

most parents actually try to guide their children with their experience so they don't suffer in young age but its the "teen age" where we don't listen much and fall into the difficult situation.

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This is a non-issue, intercaste isn't a thing Sikhs believe in. Pick a direction in life and stick to it, if you love this guy and you feel you're disobeying your parents because you're a different caste then quite frankly it's clear you dont follow Sikhi.

Another thing is if your parents pressure you over marrying within a 'caste' then they dont have your best intentions at heart meaning their 'love' for you is conditional based on you following their orders. What will you follow when they leave their earthly vessel? Who will you bow down to next? Where will your next instruction come from? These are the vicious cycles non-Sikhs will have to die with and last thing you want to do is die with regret. Die with decency, honour and duty knowing you followed ideals much higher than that of a humans mind I.e. Sikhi

 

This very thing has happened to someone I know and they married 'intercaste' as amritdhari sikhs on both sides. If you question your loyalty now to your partner then you run the risk of regretting later. First correct yours and your partners psyche before approaching marriage as it is a life long commitment.

If your families wont accept then you must ensure you have a strong bond that you can live with eachother for life alone without support as the worst case. If you're shaky now then your risk is too high and later you divorce you will have no one in support. Decide wisely and aim to change the minds of your family without being emotional about it as decisions based on emotion usually fail long term. Understand what your Guru is telling you in reference to caste through Gurbani and convey only that, if that does not change your families mind then they're too primitive to understand higher belief and therefore you need to make a calculated decision with your partner whether to pursue marriage alone together or stay within your imaginary 'caste' to appease your family. Do not complain or try and back peddle on decisions later after the wrong ones have been made.

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it is the truth, nobody likes it but it is what it is...

Waheguru!

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On ‎11‎/‎5‎/‎2020 at 8:28 AM, Koi said:

Much like your guy, my friend risked it all to make it work. It's been almost a year since she betrayed him, but he's still suffering,

It's gnna take him some time to get over it. I was with a girl back when I was a teenager for a year and then we broke up, took me over 5 years to get over her! 5 of the most miserable years of my life. 

Thing is we both were very very stubborn. When we broke up I was to stubborn to approach her and it was the same with her. She made a few attempts to talk to me.

But I believe everything happens for a reason.

When you are in love it feels as if no one else has loved before and that you are the first, it's the best feeling ever. Your always happy and nothing feels better than being with that person. I personally don't think theres any other emotion or experience that comes close to it. 

And then when you break up it all comes crashing down. It hurts. Not just the breakup but all the plans you had made, we will do this, do that, go here, go there, your whole future and everything you had planned gets destroyed. And then you are left feeling lost and without meaning or purpose. 

Problem is dating is very different to marriage, many people fail to see the difference. 

People need to be more wise when it comes to these things, but obviously your emotions take over. 

I've realised emotions make you weak, it makes everything foggy and you end up making weak decisions. 

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39 minutes ago, puzzled said:

It's gnna take him some time to get over it. I was with a girl back when I was a teenager for a year and then we broke up, took me over 5 years to get over her! 5 of the most miserable years of my life. 

Thing is we both were very very stubborn. When we broke up I was to stubborn to approach her and it was the same with her. She made a few attempts to talk to me.

But I believe everything happens for a reason.

When you are in love you feel like no one else has loved before and that you are the first, it's the best feeling ever. Your always happy and nothing feels better than being with that person. I personally don't think theres any other emotion or experience that comes close to it. 

And then when you break up it all comes crashing down. Its hurts. Not just the breakup but all the plans you had made, we will do this, do that, go here, go there, your whole future and everything you had planned gets destroyed. And then you are left feeling lost and without meaning or purpose. 

Problem is dating is very different to marriage, many people fail to see the difference. 

People need to be more wise when it comes to these things, but obviously your emotions take over. 

I've realised emotions make you weak, it makes everything foggy and you end up making weak decisions. 

Amen bro. 

Page 1377, Line 10

ਕਬੀਰ ਜਉ ਤੁਹਿ ਸਾਧ ਪਿਰੰਮ ਕੀ ਪਾਕੇ ਸੇਤੀ ਖੇਲੁ ॥

कबीर जउ तुहि साध पिरम की पाके सेती खेलु ॥

Kabīr ja▫o ṯuhi sāḏẖ piramm kī pāke seṯī kẖel.

Kabeer, if you desire to play the game of love with the Lord, play it with someone with committment.

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3 hours ago, puzzled said:

It's gnna take him some time to get over it. I was with a girl back when I was a teenager for a year and then we broke up, took me over 5 years to get over her! 5 of the most miserable years of my life. 

Thing is we both were very very stubborn. When we broke up I was to stubborn to approach her and it was the same with her. She made a few attempts to talk to me.

But I believe everything happens for a reason.

When you are in love you feel like no one else has loved before and that you are the first, it's the best feeling ever. Your always happy and nothing feels better than being with that person. I personally don't think theres any other emotion or experience that comes close to it. 

And then when you break up it all comes crashing down. Its hurts. Not just the breakup but all the plans you had made, we will do this, do that, go here, go there, your whole future and everything you had planned gets destroyed. And then you are left feeling lost and without meaning or purpose. 

Problem is dating is very different to marriage, many people fail to see the difference. 

People need to be more wise when it comes to these things, but obviously your emotions take over. 

I've realised emotions make you weak, it makes everything foggy and you end up making weak decisions. 

Reply *DELETED*

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3 hours ago, puzzled said:

It's gnna take him some time to get over it. I was with a girl back when I was a teenager for a year and then we broke up, took me over 5 years to get over her! 5 of the most miserable years of my life. 

FIVE years?!? You must've had it bad.

Funny thing is she moved on after a few weeks, if that, while you were reduced to walking around like a jogi, wearing earrings like Ranjha for 5 years. 😅

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