help! nitnem! amrit vela Mr

[Premi5]

On 11/9/2020 at 1:23 AM, GurjantGnostic said:

Endure and earn much fruit friend. 

You'll soon be old enough it won't matter.  In the mean time continue your Naam Simran and maybe...

Try this..

Prompting involves two components: voicing the importance of your relationship and revealing your own feelings. Voicing the importance of your relationship generally involves making supportive statements, such as “You matter so much to me” or “You’re important to me” or “I care about you a great deal.” Declarations like these signal how special someone is to us. They’re the kind of reassurance many narcissists don’t even realize they miss. They nudge people toward thinking about the relationship, moving the focus from you and me to we. More importantly, they signal your willingness to offer secure love.

 

So you might say:

 

“I consider you an important friend. That’s why I feel so sad when you don’t return my calls for weeks.”

“Mom, you’re one of the most important people in my life. So when you question my every move, I feel devastated, like I’m a failure in your eyes.”

Next Teach Them Their ABCs

 

Malkin says that first you should tell them how you’re feeling:

 

A is for affect, aka feeling. Feeling statements use the word I liberally, as in I’m feeling uncomfortable, uneasy, unhappy. You can also use stronger words like sad, afraid, scared, but since you’re usually not in a friendship or romantic relationship with the person you’re speaking to, vaguer, less intense emotional language might be better. Follow your gut on that one. The main goal is to describe your experience only. Never use “you” in this step.

 

Then tell them what behavior is causing it:

 

B is for behavior. This is the experience, interaction, or action that causes the feelings. For example: When you raise your voice; When I hear only criticism; When you sound sarcastic; When you cut me off midsentence.

 

And then let them know what correction you would like to see:

 

C is for correction. This refers to the change you’re seeking. Proper assertiveness always involves a request of some kind. It’s a form of coaching. You’re telling the listener what they need to do to improve interactions. Examples: Can you lower your voice?; Can you tell me what steps you want taken?; Can you use a kinder tone?

 

For example:

 

“I feel unhappy the rest of the day when you criticize me in front of the entire group. Can you save your feedback for one-on-one meetings?”

Also use as many we statements as possible like, "We love each other too much to act this way" or "We are supportive of each other in this family and it is very imoortant to me".

A little off topic, but can you recommend any good books on psychology because you seem to have learned a lot 

[GurjantGnostic]

1 hour ago, Premi5 said:

A little off topic, but can you recommend any good books on psychology because you seem to have learned a lot 

I read some text books. That is from a site on how to deal with narcissists. I've read a lot and sifted information but no one source stands out. 

We collaborate with psychologists in our Dojo and a lot of the reading had to do with that. And people I know suffer various maladies and I've come to learn of them that way. My mother was a Dr and so I was raised on it as well, and I have friends that work in mental health. 

There are probably far more literate, more librarian type, Sangat here who could make far better specific recommendations I'm sure. My mind works more like a code breaker so I discard or forget where I learn most information. Lol. If it's not information of a distinct path or way it's filed under..worldstuffs...