Unhappily married

[Guest BullehS]

On 1/2/2021 at 11:27 AM, Guest Kabeer said:

My post was deleted because it was the raw truth that some could not handle.I understand that.I stand with my advice that the OP should get legal advice and initiate divorce proceedings as soon as possible for her own mental health and wellbeing of her kids as they will be influenced by their fathers character and end up having worse behavior than their father.

You don't have to accept anything.Stand up for yourself and your kids.You did not take birth and your parents did not spend 20 over years raising you for you to be abused by this loser.Take action now while you and the kids are still young.It will be a hard journey but you will come out of it a much stronger and happier person.Put your faith in Waheguru and do whats best for your family.

The man needs counselling and so does the wife and children. Don’t delay. 

[indersingh1313]

On 1/2/2021 at 2:14 AM, Guest Guest Kaur said:

Sorry to hear this...

My husband swears and calls me horrible words daily. I honestly thought I was marrying someone of high regard but their true colours show when your married to them. They think it's okay to speak in such way, when I challenge him about it, he says he's dukhi. Pathetic excuse. I wish I had never married him. I honestly regret it and its a mistake I am stuck with until one of us passes. 

All I can suggest is that you set a good example  to your children.  Stick with Amrit Vela.

 

 

 

wjkk wjkf bhenji

I think marriage is a compromise where two people share life together in a best way possible. when they have a children then they start living their life for children.

if you are chasing or seeking happiness from just being married or having kids, its a pure lie. happiness comes from within. or you create happiness for yourself not demand from other. 

my suggestion please stick to guru ji and Gurbani and try and live accordingly, everything will work out good eventually.

[indersingh1313]

On 12/28/2020 at 6:10 AM, Guest Feeling defeated said:

I am so unhappily married. My husband is very rude, selfish, lacks any compassion and his he has a lot of hankar. He comes from a broken family his parents are divorced and it shows, his communication and respect for anything I do or go through is so low- basically he isn’t appreciative or supportive even if I give birth or lose a loved one, he’s not there emotionally. He was shown no love as a child and he isn’t capable of showing love.

I don’t want to divorce because it’s going to be tough on my kids and I do not want them ending up twisted like him and his siblings which are a product of divorce.

I just feel like I am stuck.

I am trying to keep up my sikhi, do Amrit vela, he does nothing so I feel even if I try to better myself and beat my krodh or ego he doesn’t do nothing changes.

Am I meant to just accept this is my hukam based on my own karma and keep quiet and deal with it? It’s hard to even have a good mind myself when I am with someone who jus always provoking me.

wjkk wjkf bhenji

I think marriage is a compromise where two people share life together in a best way possible. when they have a children then they start living their life for children.

if you are chasing or seeking happiness from just being married or having kids, its a pure lie. happiness comes from within. or you create happiness for yourself not demand from other. 

my suggestion please stick to guru ji and Gurbani and try and live accordingly, everything will work out good eventually.

[Guest Guest Kaur]

On 1/8/2021 at 12:27 PM, indersingh1313 said:

wjkk wjkf bhenji

I think marriage is a compromise where two people share life together in a best way possible. when they have a children then they start living their life for children.

if you are chasing or seeking happiness from just being married or having kids, its a pure lie. happiness comes from within. or you create happiness for yourself not demand from other. 

my suggestion please stick to guru ji and Gurbani and try and live accordingly, everything will work out good eventually.

Wjkk wjkf Bhaji, 

sorry I am somewhat unclear on what you are trying to say. I understand in marriage comes compromise. I’m not disputing that at all. I very much agree. 
 

The part that is puzzling me is your comments about happiness, happiness comes from within? How does this relate to my comments, to be clear I’m not the original poster. 

 

 

 

[ipledgeblue]

please make sure you get time away from your husband, like take your children to another room where you can do nitnem or paat or simran, listen to katha, watch sikhi kids programmes on youtube.

I know it's coronavirus so it will be difficult to go to stuff like Kiddie Sangat in your local gurdwara. At least try to attend online stuff, maybe there is Zoom stuff. Make sure after lockdown you go to gurdwara with your children, get out of the house often.

[Guest]

On 12/27/2020 at 1:10 PM, Guest Feeling defeated said:

Am I meant to just accept this is my hukam based on my own karma and keep quiet and deal with it? It’s hard to even have a good mind myself when I am with someone who jus always provoking me.

Sorry to hear about your condition. I do not know what the answer / solution to your problem is. However, some men can be like that provoking the wife unnecessarily. You are right and correct about not divorcing. All I can say is to do an Ardas from sachey dillo. If you want you can direct PM me and I can help you out. 

[Guest]

On 12/31/2020 at 2:55 PM, Guest guest said:

instead of trying to change him, try and understand him.  have some humility and stop demanding things from him.

concentrate on your own flaws- why are you so bothered by him?  say he is not emotionally supportive- so what?  why do you demand emotional support from him?  get it from God.

your nitnem and Amrit vela are your private thing to show respect for God.  its not a 'bribe' to make things go your way.

Not a very positive thing to say to someone going through hard times. 

[Guest]

On 1/1/2021 at 2:10 PM, Guest Feeling defeated said:

 

it’s not a flaw to expect a husband to be a husband. Especially if born in a western country in the 80s. Everyone’s educated to a level to know what being kind is. You live together you need to get on and atleast be there for one another. Especially in times like covid when you have no other company. What is your actual dictionary meaning of marriage as I’m really surprised by your response.
 

demanding things? I feel like I’ve hit a nerve in your own personal life and your making assumptions for me. 
 

I don’t do Amrit vela for a bribe (not even sure what the bribe your are suggesting is?) I do it because Waheguru is my strength and has removed any mental health problems I was feeling as a result of this marriage. I do it because I want to go to him and not be reincarnated and come back to this. I do it because it’s what my Soul and Waheguru want me to do. 
What I was trying to say Incase I need to reiterate it for your- I’m trying to better my own mind but it’s difficult when the other person isn’t. For example I don’t want to argue but he does and will and won’t stop until there is one. I guess I just have to accept i was probably really bad to him in my past life. 

Nice post. You are correct about Western Countries. In my opinion no one from India should marry a western born. This might sound stereotypical, but I have seen to many broken marriages, divorces. Anyways lets not get your hopes down. 

The one poster who said about bribing ignore him/her. 

Do your Amrit Vela and ask Guru ji ... make an ardaas everyday, all the time throughout the day and while you sleep. Ardas has more power and it can solve all problems.

If you don't mind , may I ask which country you are living in ? is it UK? Were you born in India and married to a UK guy? We can private talk. 

[MisterrSingh]

9 minutes ago, singhsince1981 said:

Nice post. You are correct about Western Countries. In my opinion no one from India should marry a western born. This might sound stereotypical, but I have seen to many broken marriages, divorces. Anyways lets not get your hopes down. 

The one poster who said about bribing ignore him/her. 

Do your Amrit Vela and ask Guru ji ... make an ardaas everyday, all the time throughout the day and while you sleep. Ardas has more power and it can solve all problems.

If you don't mind , may I ask which country you are living in ? is it UK? Were you born in India and married to a UK guy? We can private talk. 

Behave yourself. She's a married woman regardless of what's going on in her personal life. No need for PM.

[Guest]

27 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Behave yourself. She's a married woman regardless of what's going on in her personal life. No need for PM.

To You: Nevermind --- "Just ignore the criticism --Wahegurooooo"

Bhenji, Please feel free to direct PM, if you want to discuss in more detail and only if you are comfortable. I have seen several couples go through similar situation as yours, this is why I feel direct PM will be better. The positive is that many do come out of it and many marriages like these are resolved on their own time and remain happily married. In worse cases divorce happens.