Staying in a very troubling and challenging marriage

[Guest Dukhi atma]

Dear Sangat Ji,

 

I'm trapped in a very difficult situation, I have a very challenging wife and have to repeat that and a very difficult wife.

My parents built a garage in a kitchen and my wife won't make food in the garage kitchen, she says it's too cold.

My wife will complain and my mum won't listen.

 

 

My father passed away, and now I have started getting anxiety attacks and am very depressed.

 

Is there anything you would suggest 

 

 

[MisterrSingh]

If it's cold, it's cold. I've converted my garage into a home gym, and unless I'm sweating buckets I'd never go into the garage during the winter, lol. It's freezing. 

Did you not insulate the garage? Is it a complete conversion, or have you still got the huge metal doors? If so, the doors can be insulated which'll reduce the cold quite considerably. Or get your missus an electric heater. Or tell her to wrap up.

I've fitted an industrial extractor fan in my kitchen. It needs regular maintenance for it to keep working effectively, but it does the job of extracting the admittedly overwhelming aromas and fumes of Punjabi cooking. Get one fitted in your kitchen so that she doesn't have to spend winters in the garage. 

It's not a huge issue; it's nothing worth getting stressed about.

[Guest Yummy]

Why don't you do the cooking one day and see if it really is cold or if she's just making things up? And do it in thin cotton Indian clothes to make it a fair test. 

If it is cold, get some insulation and heating in. 

Don't confuse sorrow over your father with a "challenging" wife. 

[Guest Guest-J]

Why not just understand that it may be too cold for your wife to use the garage kitchen and support her? Alternatively why don’t you cook in the garage kitchen if it’s too cold for her? 

[indersingh1313]

its cold! get a heater mate! no need to be stressed.

[AcceptWill201]

Go see a therapist and let your wife use the kitchen in the house. And your mum, if she won't listen then not alot you can do about that....but if she cant hear then buy a hearing aid?

[MisterrSingh]

3 hours ago, AcceptWill201 said:

Go see a therapist and let your wife use the kitchen in the house. And your mum, if she won't listen then not alot you can do about that....but if she cant hear then buy a hearing aid?

Apne fit a luxury kitchen costing thousands, then don't want tadka stains on the gloss units.  

[kcmidlands]

On 2/3/2021 at 3:53 AM, Guest Dukhi atma said:

Dear Sangat Ji,

 

I'm trapped in a very difficult situation, I have a very challenging wife and have to repeat that and a very difficult wife.

My parents built a garage in a kitchen and my wife won't make food in the garage kitchen, she says it's too cold.

My wife will complain and my mum won't listen.

 

 

My father passed away, and now I have started getting anxiety attacks and am very depressed.

 

Is there anything you would suggest 

 

 

If your idea of a "very troubling and challenging marriage" is your wife complaining that a kitchen built in a garage is too cold count then the bar you've set for a difficult marriage is pretty low.

As already suggested, go in there while your wife is cooking and see what it's like, if it's cold get some heating put in and some insulation.

Traditionally in Punjabi houses the "garage" kitchen would be where the meat was made, i have a few relatives who still do that, they think it keeps the main kitchen pure for some reason, i gave up explaining the irony of it all.

[Guest Mr Lynx]

The advice given has been great and it's not really a marriage breaker, but you should try to get a handle on your anxiety before it gets worse.

Try some meditation and take up some form of light exercise to keep your body and mind refreshed.

Also anxiety often shows up when past issues remain unresolved, for instance the death of your father may be the cause so it may help if you talk to somebody or get advice on the forum from others who have been through this dukh as it must be extremely stressful.

Wishing you all the best bro.