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Can anyone else relate?


Singh1989
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I personally can't relate to that, but I have seen it in my family/relatives.

The results are devastating. 

It's happening with my one of my cousin sisters atm  she spends months living around her friends house to avoid her mother. But now she's going get a flat for herself. In fact she's even considering moving across the Atlantic to avoid her mother. 

Her mother says things like that she never wanted her and that she wanted a son instead, and that she was a mistake etc  her mother says things like that she hopes her daughter never settles and ends up in a bad marriage. 

One of the saddest cases in my family is another cousin sister of mine who has been disowned by the family. I actually was very close to her, but I'm not allowed to talk to her anymore. Her mother was very abusive towards her. My cousin was a lot older than me, like 14 years, so I never saw her childhood but my mum has told me about it. Her mother actually used to physically torture her. When she was a kid her mother hit her head with her high heel shoe. She ended up with a hole in her head, that's the kind of stuff her mother used to do to her. My cousin then ended up hanging around with wrong people and picked up wrong habits which eventually started destroying her. But I never judged her. She was really honest with me and trusted me. As I got older and started seeing how toxic their relationship was, it was terrible! Her mother used to call her things like h*ramdi etc Her family eventually disowned her. It's been like 5 years now. In the past I've felt like finding out where she is and meeting up with her. But if my family find out I would be in a lot of trouble. Plus unfortunately her habits have got worse. She has our phone number and sometimes rings us, she asks for me but my mother cuts the phone. 

I've known both these abusive mothers since I was kid, and there definitely is something very wrong with them. I can't figure out what it is, or where it went wrong. They lack sympathy, lack in faith. 

Abusive mothers are far more destructive than abusive fathers. 

We as a community, culturally, glorify the relationship between mothers and kids, but that is not the case for many. 

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33 minutes ago, PuzzledToo said:

This is so sad.She on heroin?She self medicated with substances to cope with the childhood abuse she suffered at the hands of someone that was supposed to be her protector and caregiver.

Alcohol. But she told me she did heroin when she was younger. She stopped heroin and then started drinking. Few times she rang us she was completely under the influence of alcohol, muddled up sentence, slurred words. I think since then she's possibly taking other stuff. 

I emailed Sikh helpline a few years back. But I doubt she spoke to them. 

She used to say that her mum sometimes used to buy alcohol and put it in front of her on purpose. 

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In our community when the kids mess up we always focus on the messed up kids but don't look at why the kids have messed up. We haven't reached the point as a community where we link bad parenting to rebellious kids. I don't think we actually have reached the point where we think parents can be faulty at all. Even if we blame the parents its often "oh they must have spoiled their kids"

Recognising bad parenting does not exist in our community. 

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3 hours ago, PuzzledToo said:

Alcoholics can be helped if they themselves want to get clean but would need professional support as she might require medication to handle withdrawal symptoms.The problem with alcohol is its legality and easy availability that makes it harder to quit.

What a wicked woman!

Combined with the devils narrative that the problem isn't the insideous nature of alcohol, the problem is the addict, which is anyone that drinks at all long. They just don't know how to destroy themselves in moderation. There's something wrong with people who aren't chemically dependant on depression and poor decision making. In fact. If you don't kill yourself with this garbage you're just not even normal.

Another rediculous thing about alcohol... It's the only drug people measure their worth in how much it doesn't effect them. 

"Dude I drank enough to kill someone, I don't feel a thing!  What a man I am. Maybe I'll commit vehicular homicide on my way home! If I make it there hopefully I pass out face down!"

Any other drug doesn't effect you.. you don't brag about it, you find that dude and demand your money back. 

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addiction is the symptom of extreme loneliness and disconnect... self-hatred rears its head and the person annihilates themselves through the weapon of choice , they are starved of connection, understanding and love . Your cousins really had the dregs as mothers I would have kicked out the Mums and kept the daughters because at least they had a chance of becoming worthwhile humans.

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