divorce and guilt!

[dallysingh101]

7 hours ago, intrigued said:

I think he is referring to your wife saying you cheated her because you didn't tell her about your mental health (making herself the victim) and divorcing you (kicking you (the victim) to the curb)

I think that's bollox. If someone started a relationship with me based on hiding the truth - I'd subsequently suspect their agenda. 

If YOU had a daughter this happened to, you'd be in your rights to start head kicking over it.  

[GurjantGnostic]

5 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think that's bollox. If someone started a relationship with me based on hiding the truth - I'd subsequently suspect their agenda. 

If YOU had a daughter this happened to, you'd be in your rights to start head kicking over it.  

I hear you bro. 

At the same time, you know what we don't know? What secrets she brought to the table. 

It has to be awkward marrying someone you haven't known long. I mean I'd probably lead with my ugly traits too and see how they land, but I get why Veer Ji didn't lead with that himself. 

Regardless of opening up later, I think it proper he be supported. Anand Karaj is like easy on easy off? Or it's committed?

[Ranjeet01]

On 3/7/2021 at 4:02 PM, Guest feeling-very-sad said:

I am a 38 year old amritdhari male.

My life was going fine but few years back I suffered from psychotic depression and started taking anti psychotic medicine daily which made me lazy and started sleeping 9 hours a day and couldn't get up at amritvela.

Than I got married and didn't tell my wife about my illness and medicine.

Finally she got to know about my mental illness and told me that I cheated her. Some time back, we got divorced.

At present I feel sad and guilty that I shud hv told her about my illness.

I feel like I will be punished by God and hv to come again in reincarnation.

So far the other posters for the most part have given you crap advice.

I think you have understood the consequences of your actions.

That is first and foremost the most important thing.

You have acknowledged your mistake. 

The next step is that you have to start over.

Take it one step at a time.

It seems that the medication has messed about with your dopamine and seratonin levels. 

You will need to get the right kind of medical advice because if these drugs are impacting you then they are not doing you any good.

The next step is to get the right kind of counselling and therapy to get to the underlying causes. 

[GurjantGnostic]

2 hours ago, Suchi said:

No-one can really know what is going on in a relationship without knowing both sides of the story and the part played by the families. In the old days many men lied to secure a good partner in the knowledge the girl would just have to put up with it as she had no support for the dreaded D word or a way to find someone new. These days that is not the case.

Marriage isn't a licence to a free pass for all manner of indiscretions. It's a two way commitment based on shared values.  When one party breaches these, the other has to decide on what they are able to deal with and accept. 

I don't think Veer Ji used any passes for all manners of indiscretion did he? Can you list them?

[GurjantGnostic]

Here let me put it this way. Years after being married to man, a woman who was at first too scared or emotionally insecure about something tramautizing in her past and finally shares it and the man leaves her flat?

What are people gonna say about that dude?

[MisterrSingh]

Punjabi parents are clowns. The oppressive old-school types retard their offspring in ways that hamper their development in seriously grave ways. The overtly-chummy types fail to establish boundaries, ending up creating foolish monsters who have no sense of decorum.

[Ranjeet01]

16 minutes ago, Suchi said:

Parents are also the victims of circumstances. Who knows the impact of partition when people lost everything including property, life and limb to end up destitute in their own countries. I doubt counselling could have helped come to terms with their life long traumas.  Many are even unable to speak of the atrocities they experienced.  Worse we are realising that all of this was totally orchestrated for easy control of land and wealth without a care for the deaths and suffering caused. 

Partition happened 74 years ago.

Anyone that has memories of that era is probably over 80.

 

[Ranjeet01]

Who is the pr1ck who is downvoting everyone? 

[MisterrSingh]

2 hours ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Who is the pr1ck who is downvoting everyone? 

Someone who doesn't downvote some of my posts in the same topic in order to throw the suspicion on me. Probably one of our anonymous, highly intelligent and educated Redditors.

 

[dallysingh101]

This threads been good. It's made me re-evaluate my thinking. 

I think with conservative families the pressure to present this idyllic image is just majorly over-powering. Any people from this background who've had these types of issues in their past would likely seriously struggle to get married in the arranged marriage system. 

No wonder they hide it.

It happens the other way round too. I know a few amritdhari virgin blokes who got married to girls from 'respectable' families, who've found out all manner of shyte about their brides afterwards.