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Toxic parenting


Singh1989
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I can relate to that but in my case it's my dad! 

Its very damaging, and its not easy to accept that its messed your head up, but it really does mess your head up. 

I think it has a much bigger affect mentally than we actually realise. 

It moulds your personality and relationships with others. 

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A lot of Pubjabis who are aged around 45+ seem disturbed. Not just the ones born in India but the ones born here in the West as well. They're just odd. 

I don't know what it is. A lot of built up emotions, anger. Its like they're living in a cage. 

 

This then takes a toll on their kids. Which is just selfish. 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, puzzled said:

A lot of Pubjabis who are aged around 45+ seem disturbed. Not just the ones born in India but the ones born here in the West as well. They're just odd. 

I don't know what it is. A lot of built up emotions, anger. Its like they're living in a cage. 

 

This then takes a toll on their kids. Which is just selfish. 

 

 

they are the "chamkila" generation lol

the confused turbulent generation, raised up in times of sant bhindranwale, khadku singhs, as well as manak, shinda, chamkila

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Narcissism and sociopathy seem to be rife, and appears to travel through generations. It's a fascinating topic in itself. The complete lack of remorse, and self centeredness these people exhibit is astounding. And the damage they causally leave in their wake without any conscience whatsoever is something to behold. I'm wondering if we have an over representation of these types in our quom, or if our own experiences reflect all/most other communities? I have a few in my family, and it appears as if they are 'unfixable'. 

The thing with the narcissism is that they seem incapable of constructive self-criticism or reflection, I've come to believe (outside of people naturally born this way regardless of childhood experiences) it is the consequence of their childhood trauma 'short-circuiting' a part of their brain that deals with emotion/empathy (which I'm pretty sure is the amygdala?) 

This lack of reflective ability or constructive self-criticism is dangerous because they never think they are wrong. So they do whatever the hell they like - and sleep just fine BUT I've seen that often this same thing makes it difficult for them to break self-destructive habits they have, and in the long run their decisions end up destroying them. Their need for 'social validation' is off the scale, and if you have one in the fam, watch how differently they act in public (charming, caring) compared to how they act behind closed doors.   They are like compulsive liars too, and if they get cornered or caught out, they react REALLY aggressively (I think it is called narcissistic rage?). They can get caught out lying regularly but still act as if they have integrity and as if nothing has happened. Waheguru protect any naïve, empathetic person they come across (to whom they seem drawn) because they will suck the life energy out of them (I think they 'feed' off them). That's why it's important to identify them in families quickly and protect vulnerable people they have access and authority over, especially children. I think you can see these traits in them from very young if you are aware and observant. 

Normally I wouldn't post such stuff (as below) but I'm going to because almost invariably narcissists or sociopaths (don't know where the line between them is?) act covertly and never admit to it. This girl (Miss Australia) may have some Panjabi  ancestry judging by the surname (but I could be wrong), and she is being open about it. I've posted the text of the article but not the photos because she is 'scantily clad'. lol

How to date a 'sociopath': Girlfriend, 26, with a personality disorder reveals the challenges in her relationship - and why she never feels guilt for anything she does

  • Kanika Batra has been diagnosed with antisocial and narcissistic personality 
  • The model and Miss World Australia finalist discussed her disorder on YouTube
  • It is characterised by a disregard for others and tendencies to lie and manipulate
  • Ms Batra said she has difficulty with impulsiveness, moods and addiction 

A beauty queen with antisocial personality disorder has revealed how her condition affects her romantic relationships - and why it has made cheating 'easy' in the past.

Miss World Australia finalist Kanika Batra, 26, discussed her mental health in a recent YouTube video titled 'Interview with a sociopath'. 

The Sydney model said she has been assessed by 'a dozen' psychiatrists who all concluded that she has an 'anti-social and narcissistic personality', characterised by a lack of empathy, disregard for others, and a tendency to lie and manipulate.

 

 

Like all who live with antisocial personality disorder, Ms Batra said she struggles with impulsive urges, feelings of emptiness and unstable moods.

Her condition means she never feels guilt, remorse or shame, which she said makes it 'hard to be a morally good' person and easier to be unfaithful.

Ms Batra, who is currently engaged to her boyfriend, Sam, said she cheated in three of her past five relationships because she didn't feel the guilt that typically comes with betrayal.

'I just didn't have that sort of regard for that person because it didn't make me feel bad to see somebody else,' she said.

'It didn't make me feel guilty. I didn't get home and then like, not sleep at night because I had betrayed somebody. It's easy for us to switch that part off [and] compartmentalise.'

But after seeing a psychiatrist, Ms Batra said she managed to unlearn this behaviour and become more self-aware, which has changed how she sees both herself and her fiancé.

'The main difference is that now I do respect my partner,' she said.

'I do understand that his needs need to be met as well as my own.' 

However Ms Batra said she still can be 'quite vengeful' and show her 'mean streak' to anyone who hurts her. 

Although she feels no remorse for her past wrongdoings, Ms Batra said she tries to learn from them to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

And when it comes to positive emotions, Ms Batra said it's rare that she feels truly happy. 

'I feel satisfied with life, I feel that I'm doing adequately well, but I don't think I experience happiness in the same way a neurotypical would,' she said.

While she likes to be 'open and upfront' with people she dates, Ms Batra said she doesn't reveal her personality disorder until she gets to know a potential partner.

Seven signs that someone is a sociopath

A sociopath is someone with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).

Someone with this disorder will manipulate, antagonise and treat others with indifference. They show no remorse or guilt for the actions and behaviour. 

Sociopaths are prone to recklessness and risky behaviour because of what's known as their 'compromised moral compass', and are often perceived as irresponsible.

1. Lack of empathy - they feel no remorse of guilt because they don't feel the emotions of those around them

2. Manipulative - they are opportunists and highly ambitious individuals who rely on lying and manipulation to get where they want

3. Dangerously charming - they use charisma and charm to attract others, particularly those more vulnerable than themselves

4. Ill tempered and impulsive - prone to engaging in risky and illegal behaviours

5. Strained relationships - they are likely to be controlling and possessive

6. Narcissistic - not all narcissists are sociopaths, but most sociopaths are narcissists

7. Find enjoyment in the suffering of others - sadistic anti-socials use empathy to derive pleasure from the pain of other people

Source: Psych2Go YouTube 

'With all of the stigma and all of the hatred that's shoved down your throat, I like to give myself a chance,' she said.

In the early stages of a relationship, Ms Batra said she and others with ASPD are prone to 'love bombing', an attempt to influence a person by overt gestures of attention and affection that stems from manipulative behaviour.

'This is just us getting to know you,' she said. 

'We don't really know how to control ourselves in that sort of way so all we do is we message you to find out everything about you, and we want to see you all the time - that's just how we kind of get to feel what this relationship will be.'

Ms Batra said she had to 'physically teach' herself to blink because her tendency to lock eye contact unnerved those around her.

She said she learned charm and charisma by mirroring actions and emotional responses and has built her persona around the identities of others.

'I feel like if you strip all of that away, at the core, there would be nothing...it's quite sad,' Ms Batra said. 

Because of her condition, Ms Batra said she doesn't plan to have children until she has had 'complete therapy' to ensure she can provide for them 'physically, emotionally and financially'.

The clip, which has been viewed almost 77,000 times since it was uploaded on April 26, has drawn widespread praise. 

'As a therapist, you've given me a different understanding and perspective about antisocial personality disorder. Thank you for speaking about this topic and sharing your experience and insight!' one woman wrote.

A man added: 'I feel like I am watching the most honest woman in the world.'

'You have no idea how much you're helping people understand this disorder, we appreciate your authenticity and how real and honest you are about all of this,' said another.

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All children have narcissism as a trait from the get go it allows them to survive and fight for resources but as they mature healthily they will drop it majorly and develop their emapthic natures as their emotional intelligence increases the narcissist is stunted , developmentally deformed on the emotional and spiritual front they create a false personality to hide that and woe betide anyone who breaks that image by hinting at the truth. Narcissistic kryptonite is having self-love/ self-esteem, integrity, a strong identity of self and contentment , they look for chinks of insecurity to exploit then they move in. They will lovebomb you until you think they are in love with you and then they are happy as they have full access to your resources whether emotional (friends and shielding them from having to engage with the lower forms of human (all other humans than themselves) ) material (home, money, even locations (my SIL would collect people as 'friends' to have access to their homes to holiday at for free) or intellectual my MIL got accepted to Cambridge for her Phd but had to give that up because of my FIL being jealous he couldn't achieve the same . Then when they have what they want they will drop you like a piece of trash . I've seen so many empathetic people getting caught out by such scumbags .

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