What is the right age to get married?

[MisterrSingh]

1 hour ago, dallysingh101 said:

Do you think people just looked the other way in the past, or they were genuinely fooled? These days it'd be harder to get away with it I imagine? Conservatism in the past probably meant a lot of people weren't even aware of it? 

If this chariter wasn't so tragic overall, you'd laugh at the 'Cocaine makes me gay' thing.......

Hard to say. I think there was an element of "Don't ask, don't tell." I think the idea was that as long the kids and the family in general were taken of, it was a case of "Do what you want, just don't make it obvious." 

I was watching an interview with a British homo conservative (small C) a few years ago who was lamenting the change in their community compared to the way it use to be when they were expected to stay anon. Interestingly, he said the drug culture and unabashed debauchery that's attached to the contemporary gays is too much for the old school poofs. They hate public stuff like gay pride and the rest of it. Stuff like raising a family or even just being in a committed monogamous relationship and coming home to a domestic setting lends a person some structure in their life instead of the aimless, depraved poofery of modern times where they're out bumming someone new every night. Fascinating to hear that POV.

[dallysingh101]

3 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Had to be an arranged marriage, both probably ended up pushing each other's buttons. Don't know why he was browsing gandu stuff, though unless he was an undercover one himself. 

I don't think it was an arranged marriage myself. 

[MisterrSingh]

8 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

I don't think it was an arranged marriage myself. 

Could be. She seemed out of his league, if her picture is an accurate indication of her true appearance. 

It's telling that she was all over him when he was reeling in the dough, but when he loses his job and hits hard times, she ends up going off the deep end with affairs and whatnot.

Remember, gentlemen, your value as man is limited to your earnings and your physical usefulness to your dependents. As long as you're on your feet and you're providing, you're an awesome guy. Something unfortunate rears its head in your life? "Fo*k y*u, where's the money?"

Take care of yourself, fellers, because nobody else gives a tatti.

[Jacfsing2]

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Could be. She seemed out of his league, if her picture is an accurate indication of her true appearance. 

It's telling that she was all over him when he was reeling in the dough, but when he loses his job and hits hard times, she ends up going off the deep end with affairs and whatnot.

Remember, gentlemen, your value as man is limited to your earnings and your physical usefulness to your dependents. As long as you're on your feet and you're providing, you're an awesome guy. Something unfortunate rears its head in your life? "Fo*k y*u, where's the money?"

Take care of yourself, fellers, because nobody else gives a tatti.

He should’ve divorced his wife when he found out he was gay. 

[Ranjeet01]

On 11/14/2021 at 4:38 PM, Jassu said:

Hi loves,

As I get older, the thoughts of marriage can’t seem to stop going away. Unfortunately even though I’m Punjabi and a Sikh (still trying to become the best Sikh I could possibly be) I don’t come from a normal Sikh family. We don’t really have contact with our family and my mum is a single mother. My mum is also not religious and she doesn’t care who I marry. We’re also not in a good financial situation.  I’m wondering how can I possibly find a Sikh man who can look past that? Because as we know family is quite important in Sikhi.

I’ve talked to white men before and a lot of them have liked me and expressed interest in me but whenever I bring up Sikhi they become awkward and want to change the topic. I don’t want to marry a white man who doesn’t care about my religion. Meanwhile most Punjabi men seem to have a negative image of me for whatever reason.

Earth calling @jkvlondon come in @jkvlondon

[jkvlondon]

On 11/14/2021 at 6:28 PM, Jassu said:

Yh and I have not taken Amrit or anything. My hair is long and I don't wear a turban & I care about my fitness and stuff. Basically I used to post a lot on Instagram and other social media sites and if you saw pictures of me you would not think I am religious in any shape or form. I'm trying to change though. I'm trying to learn more about Sikhi.

Like don't get me wrong there are definitely some Punjabi men who have taken an interest in me but I've noticed after talking to them more these are not the type of men I want in my life. A lot of Punjabi guys in the UK are very bad imo. A lot of Pakistanis always try to date me and get close to me. I would say it's mostly white men who show an interest in me though. There are also so many older Pakistani men interested in me, they stalk me online. Black men don't really show an interest but then again we don't really have blacks in my town and I don't interact with them either lol.

It just makes me mad, how can that Dutch guy be so kind to me and talk to me everyday but whenever I try talking about religion he tries to change the topic and treats me coldly. It's so annoying. I noticed that white men are more empathetic than desi men, he rlly tries to listen to my feelings and what I think. Unless if it's about my culture or religion. He gets passive aggressive then and tries to divert the topic. 

dutch christians are calvinists and have a cold attitude generally maybe he is from that background .So what if he talks to you as far as you've said you are young and fit look after yourself , he is not doing aaasan on you by talking , he wants to go out with you without commitment to sikhi, or really you being your sikh self. Value yourself better than that, if you want to explore and maintain your sikhi then that has to be the main filter , so don't waste time fielding approaches by punjabis who are overeager (probably trying to be playas) , non sikhs who do not care for sikhi.
Ideally you want to make it clear that you are looking for sikh partner for life  to learn sikhi and dedicate yourselves both to sikhi (might make the musley pause but still keep that filter up) . First thing is to watch basics of sikhi and become an expert of the basics: learn our history and about sikh concepts so you can recognise the fake guys . It is very hard to change someone after marriage , you need to make sure before investing your effort and time that they are sikh or on the cusp of being sikh, just prior to marriage  . Plenty of guys will try to persuade you that they are, just to get close but don't fall for the games .

[jkvlondon]

On 11/14/2021 at 6:20 PM, dallysingh101 said:

It's harder, but it depends on how astute you are to language use and little body language giveaways. The eyes, body language and language itself speaks volumes. It's intuitive I think. 

Plus, from what I see with younguns, after a few 'online dates' they decide to meet. This actually seems smart, as long as a women is able to spot red flags. That way, you don't have physical proximity before having some idea of what the bloke is like. 

my sis is divorcing her so called sikh ideal partner met online , punjabi born and bred but he managed to hide his worst character traits until he considered he had his feet well and truly under the table in the UK then the narcissitic traits came out including misogyny, emotional, mental and financial abuse she gave it a decade but he has not changed, and he is not likely to which she does not want to habituate her daughter to seeing this treatment as normal or desirable .
He was gushing at the beginning with compliments  and declarations until she lowered her defences, but the main thing to note was he never liked anyone asking about his background, intentions, what he did etc . He tried to curate the details about his life and past too much, was kind of cocksure that my sis wouldn't change her mind about marriage .

[Jacfsing2]

11 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

my sis is divorcing her so called sikh ideal partner met online , punjabi born and bred but he managed to hide his worst character traits until he considered he had his feet well and truly under the table in the UK then the narcissitic traits came out including misogyny, emotional, mental and financial abuse she gave it a decade but he has not changed, and he is not likely to which she does not want to habituate her daughter to seeing this treatment as normal or desirable .
He was gushing at the beginning with compliments  and declarations until she lowered her defences, but the main thing to note was he never liked anyone asking about his background, intentions, what he did etc . He tried to curate the details about his life and past too much, was kind of cocksure that my sis wouldn't change her mind about marriage .

Isn’t there always going to be gamble anyway?

[GurjantGnostic]

15 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Isn’t there always going to be gamble anyway?

100. Hedge your bets. 

[jkvlondon]

The other thing I want to add Jassu is : GET EDUCATED , BE SELF SUFFICIENT , don't get yourself trapped in any situation because no one knows how life turns out , my sister had choices afforded to her because she had always worked and was a specialist in her field , so she couldn't be pushed into compliance with his ultimate plans for her to be the wage slave to his whole family in her own home , bought and maintained  by her earnings for life . Don't be in a hurry you are going to live a long life and you are just at the beginning , please don't marry in haste and repent at leisure.  Take your time and develop your sikhi and understand what you want and need from a partner . Men , they are human too, so they will want an excellent partner to share their one life with so be good yourself too .