What is the right age to get married?

[kds1980]

On 11/14/2021 at 11:25 PM, Jassu said:

Hmm I haven't but I might try reaching out, although that's quite embarrassing for me. Like I said my mum doesn't help me at all, she just expects me to date and marry whoever I want. Yh I tried Shaadi lol and I got 500 likes and match requests overnight when I first joined, it's too weird plus I feel like there are a lot of pendu scammers on there. I can't trust anyone online. Also so many people who aren't even Sikhs contacting me.

Try jeevansaathi.com or sikhmatrimony.com. Sikhmatrimony.com has only Sikh profiles. Jeevansaathi.com has many filters which you can put so only verified profiles can contact you . You can also take paid services of these websites where they will allot you a personalised matchmaker which will match your profile with your requirements and contact them . Don't go on shaadi.com it has so many non serious profiles.

Almost 5 years ago I found bride for my younger brother on jeevansaathi.com . 

[Redoptics]

Go old school, go to your local Gudwara and tell them you want to get married they will help you out. I'm sure they used to put ads on their notice boards about people who wanted to get married. 

[Jacfsing2]

6 minutes ago, Redoptics said:

Go old school, go to your local Gudwara and tell them you want to get married they will help you out. I'm sure they used to put ads on their notice boards about people who wanted to get married. 

I hear this advice but does it actually work and is it commonplace?

[Redoptics]

2 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I hear this advice but does it actually work and is it commonplace?

Like I said , its what they used to do, I am not sure about these days. But no harm in trying.  

[MisterrSingh]

[GurjantGnostic]

2 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Disclaimer. I in no way promote the following as advice, but tell this story to illustrate a principle of emotional content and dynamics. 

So when I was coming up there was this dude, skater punk kid turned gangster type, named Kenny C.

His primary income was selling Sukha, which he got in large quantity from the brothers. He started a punk rock club too and between his various hustles he was making money. 

So he had his bad boy image, he had the smoke, he had money and a club and so he'd pull girls continually. 

He'd use his maya and mess around with these females. 

Well he finally hooks up with this one girl. I'd see Kenny, eyes almost glassed over, and I'd say What's up Kenny? And he says. I don't get it. All these girls that I treated right, and did nice things for, bought stuff for... they all leave or start acting to where I want them to leave. I have this girl now. I treat her like <banned word filter activated>. I don't do anything for her. I ask HER for money all the time even though I have plenty, I just have my way with her and she loves it. She can't get enough of it. 

Ultimately Kenny was a softie under it all and couldn't stomach it. 

It's not money alone that attracts or keeps women. It's an emotional power dynamic and no permutation of it have I seen truly works. 

And the women get their own money by leaving in a lot of situations. More than enough to live beyond comfortably and mess with dudes they control. 

It's all a mess bro. Anand Karaj or nothing. 

[Jacfsing2]

44 minutes ago, GurjantGnostic said:

It's all a mess bro. Anand Karaj or nothing. 

I mean you could marry someone and never experience “romance”?

[GurjantGnostic]

36 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I mean you could marry someone and never experience “romance”?

Romance the way it's advertised and gone about doesn't work. 

What's far more romantic than two people being infatuated with each other's egos, is joining in Spiritual Union With Vaheguru Akal Purakh, with a beautiful Singhni, and take off the western beauty blinders, she's gorgeous, woman are beautiful, with whom you'll get to feel Anand beyond human standards as well as all the exciting electrifying charged aspects of a "romantic" relationship. 

All sorts of people enter every permutation of romantic relationship and don't experience "romance". 

Keep the focus on Vaheguru Ji in your relationship, respect, love, and enjoy your partner. 

[dallysingh101]

On 11/17/2021 at 3:20 AM, jkvlondon said:

my sis is divorcing her so called sikh ideal partner met online , punjabi born and bred but he managed to hide his worst character traits until he considered he had his feet well and truly under the table in the UK then the narcissitic traits came out including misogyny, emotional, mental and financial abuse she gave it a decade but he has not changed, and he is not likely to which she does not want to habituate her daughter to seeing this treatment as normal or desirable .
He was gushing at the beginning with compliments  and declarations until she lowered her defences, but the main thing to note was he never liked anyone asking about his background, intentions, what he did etc . He tried to curate the details about his life and past too much, was kind of cocksure that my sis wouldn't change her mind about marriage .

It's a shame that by time we've figured out these characteristics, we've already got stung. Narcissism or sociopathy were rarely discussed before, and just put down to a person's personality, but we've come a long way since then.

There are clear signs your dealing with one of these in their behaviour and language. They don't seem to have the ability for deeper abstract concepts, and I think that's where you can identify them quickly. If you question them on a deeper level on these things (like spirituality, bonds etc.), you can clearly see them squirm, do avoidance behaviour or give out text book answers that they've learnt to hide their emotional emptiness. When they think they have hoodwinked you, you can see them beaming with their smiles. Someone unaware is likely to mistake the smile as friendliness, and not elation at having pulled the wool over your eyes. 

Problem with a lot of people is that they mistake the narcissist personality of potential partners as confidence (which people are understandably attracted too), this coupled with the fact that these people often work themselves into good economic positions through deception and manipulation make them seem like ideal partners. They glean information about a person and then use the profile they've created to manipulate them (i.e. figuring out soft spots). So all their flattery is personally tailored from what they've heard and observed about a person, they also adapt their own persona to make themselves as attractive to their target as much as possible; trying to make themselves indispensable. They are like amateur psychologists in this respect. They create a false image of themselves that is the polar opposite of what they are really like. Only people who live with them see their true nature. Outsiders to the relationship would never believe what they are really like, because they've manipulated them too with some false image. I also believe these types can sense each other, and often form alliances against people not like them. This explains a lot of higher management in organisations too.  

If it's too good to be true, it usually isn't true. 

Also, they have a reset button, so they can move on from the devastation they cause in people's lives, without a second thought, and find the next victim. When they do this, they'll make themselves out to be the victims of the person they abused in the previous relationship.  When in a relationship, once they feel that they have constructed enough barriers to prevent the other partner leaving (financial, emotional, using cultural taboos, children etc.) from what I've seen, they seem to start testing the boundaries of just how much they can get away with - just how much they can break someone down to complete compliance. It's like they try and destroy the very soul and essence of the person. They try and make people completely dependent on them. From what you posted above, it looks like all these signs were there from the beginning with your sister. 

[Premi5]

Samaki Bilakichwa Studies of depression and personality disorders.

https://www.aspergers101.com/the-destroying-sociopath/