What is the right age to get married?

[dallysingh101]

3 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

Rice and pasta, and that’s it

That's a lame repertoire bro.

[dallysingh101]

You know what epiphany I had reflecting on the below: basically these people want humans that are like dogs, constantly loyal inspite of whatever is done to them and how they are treated.  Someone who is deferentially ecstatic and excited as soon as they walk in the door!!! They basically want people to worship them. lol 

 

One of the stranger characteristics of psychopaths is their choice of pets. Ronson says they are almost never cat people. "Because cats are willful," he explains.

Psychopaths gravitate toward dogs since they are obedient and easy to manipulate. Ronson says he spoke with individuals who would qualify as psychopaths who told him they aren't sad when they hear about people dying. "But they get really upset when their dogs die because dogs offer unconditional love."

[Guest Guest Laavan]

On 11/14/2021 at 8:38 AM, Jassu said:

Hi loves,

As I get older, the thoughts of marriage can’t seem to stop going away. Unfortunately even though I’m Punjabi and a Sikh (still trying to become the best Sikh I could possibly be) I don’t come from a normal Sikh family. We don’t really have contact with our family and my mum is a single mother. My mum is also not religious and she doesn’t care who I marry. We’re also not in a good financial situation.  I’m wondering how can I possibly find a Sikh man who can look past that? Because as we know family is quite important in Sikhi.

I’ve talked to white men before and a lot of them have liked me and expressed interest in me but whenever I bring up Sikhi they become awkward and want to change the topic. I don’t want to marry a white man who doesn’t care about my religion. Meanwhile most Punjabi men seem to have a negative image of me for whatever reason.

Try laavan.com 

The best advice given was to attend Sikh camps. I agree however please be aware predators either sexual or manipulative exist anywhere. So always be on your guard even in Sikh places. Never be alone with anyone. Always take another person with you or stay in groups.

If you are in University, attend Sikh society events.

Attend rainsbais or local Sikh youth Diwaans.

Also the sooner you start looking for a partner the better it is. You have more time to assess them, you aren't then pressured to marry them right away. Also women should have kids before 35 or there is a risk for down syndrome and other genetic diseases. So that's way the earlier you look, the better it is. 

And I'm going to try my hand at match making and I think @StarStriker might be the right age and mentality and both in the beginning level of sikhi.

However, I think he wanted a really traditional girl...but you guys should talk ;)

 

[Guest Marriage]

It depends. It should be when you are in love with the right person. For me, it's taken a while to find that person, although I know they're out there. Settling for someone who isn't right for you though can lead to issues.

[Jacfsing2]

3 hours ago, Guest Guest Laavan said:

Try laavan.com 

The best advice given was to attend Sikh camps. I agree however please be aware predators either sexual or manipulative exist anywhere. So always be on your guard even in Sikh places. Never be alone with anyone. Always take another person with you or stay in groups.

If you are in University, attend Sikh society events.

Attend rainsbais or local Sikh youth Diwaans.

Also the sooner you start looking for a partner the better it is. You have more time to assess them, you aren't then pressured to marry them right away. Also women should have kids before 35 or there is a risk for down syndrome and other genetic diseases. So that's way the earlier you look, the better it is. 

And I'm going to try my hand at match making and I think @StarStriker might be the right age and mentality and both in the beginning level of sikhi.

However, I think he wanted a really traditional girl...but you guys should talk

The user you are referring to hasn’t been here for 2 years. 

[Jacfsing2]

7 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Kaam and cooking aside, as you move forward with Sikhi wouldn't it be nice to have a warm home and a person to practice with that understands and is also growing closer to Vaheguru?

That’s true, 

[jkvlondon]

21 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

Another potential tip, that might sound nuts at first:

I've noticed that many sociopaths/psychos seem to be uneasy around certain types of cats.

 

By cats here, I mean a proper one that hasn't had their feral instincts completely stomped out of them, like an overweight house cat. People says it's because these people are uncomfortable with the independent nature of cats. I also think that cats might be more psychically intuned to auras and the sociopath can sense that they see through them. Yeah, I know, it sounds nuts. lol

they have issues with anyone with independent thought and action

[jkvlondon]

On 11/18/2021 at 10:32 AM, dallysingh101 said:

It's a shame that by time we've figured out these characteristics, we've already got stung. Narcissism or sociopathy were rarely discussed before, and just put down to a person's personality, but we've come a long way since then.

There are clear signs your dealing with one of these in their behaviour and language. They don't seem to have the ability for deeper abstract concepts, and I think that's where you can identify them quickly. If you question them on a deeper level on these things (like spirituality, bonds etc.), you can clearly see them squirm, do avoidance behaviour or give out text book answers that they've learnt to hide their emotional emptiness. When they think they have hoodwinked you, you can see them beaming with their smiles. Someone unaware is likely to mistake the smile as friendliness, and not elation at having pulled the wool over your eyes. 

Problem with a lot of people is that they mistake the narcissist personality of potential partners as confidence (which people are understandably attracted too), this coupled with the fact that these people often work themselves into good economic positions through deception and manipulation make them seem like ideal partners. They glean information about a person and then use the profile they've created to manipulate them (i.e. figuring out soft spots). So all their flattery is personally tailored from what they've heard and observed about a person, they also adapt their own persona to make themselves as attractive to their target as much as possible; trying to make themselves indispensable. They are like amateur psychologists in this respect. They create a false image of themselves that is the polar opposite of what they are really like. Only people who live with them see their true nature. Outsiders to the relationship would never believe what they are really like, because they've manipulated them too with some false image. I also believe these types can sense each other, and often form alliances against people not like them. This explains a lot of higher management in organisations too.  

If it's too good to be true, it usually isn't true. 

Also, they have a reset button, so they can move on from the devastation they cause in people's lives, without a second thought, and find the next victim. When they do this, they'll make themselves out to be the victims of the person they abused in the previous relationship.  When in a relationship, once they feel that they have constructed enough barriers to prevent the other partner leaving (financial, emotional, using cultural taboos, children etc.) from what I've seen, they seem to start testing the boundaries of just how much they can get away with - just how much they can break someone down to complete compliance. It's like they try and destroy the very soul and essence of the person. They try and make people completely dependent on them. From what you posted above, it looks like all these signs were there from the beginning with your sister. 

well the big tell was when she warned him that she was unhappy and wanted to end things (about four months before actioning anything) his reaction was not 'why? what did I do wrong ? ' but 'my mother would have died if she heard that' (mum died of covid and did not have a good relationship with sis)  'no one will marry my brother if I have a divorce' nothinng to do with his daughter nothing to do with his own relationship to her .  He is literally more  worried about not being able to falsely host in 'his' home and entrap another girl's family to his brother .
He was told by my younger brother and Mum if he wants to keep the marriage he has to work on it by going to counselling , he made no effort in that direction , carried on being spiteful about my sis's work and efforts in the home , ignoring his daughter on the regular , not even supervising her homework (kids bright just needs pointing) . He had caused my sis to have a nervous breakdown prior to her speaking up which resulted in her being signed off for a month from work .  Because she time to think and got assigned a counsellor she started putting the dots together and realised what she was dealing with and how he was never going to be a partcipant or support to the family life.

[dallysingh101]

18 hours ago, GurjantGnostic said:

Kaam and cooking aside, as you move forward with Sikhi wouldn't it be nice to have a warm home and a person to practice with that understands and is also growing closer to Vaheguru?

I think a lot of us from Panjabi backgrounds probably feel that the predominant factor that'll come into play when it comes to marriage will be Panjabi culture, and not Sikhi.  

But what you are saying is bang on point.

It's a shame we have to start thinking about other crap.  

[dallysingh101]

58 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

they have issues with anyone with independent thought and action

It doesn't just seem to be anyone - but anything (including animals by the looks of it).