Dont know anymore

[Singh375]

Since writing your post I hope you’ve had some ‘up’ moments. Where something makes you laugh , a good memory comes back or maybe that good feeling after doing exercise . Because that’s the reality of life - Ups and Downs

[lostguy]

On 12/17/2021 at 5:25 PM, Singh375 said:

Since writing your post I hope you’ve had some ‘up’ moments. Where something makes you laugh , a good memory comes back or maybe that good feeling after doing exercise . Because that’s the reality of life - Ups and 

Really appreciate your message bhaji. Means so much that you even thought to check up on me

I've been trying to keep active going to the gym and have also starting going to the gurdwara more often which is helping me stay strong.

The replies that I got on this post from yourself and others have changed my outlook greatly and gave me a huge boost in my faith for sikhi and sangat. Everytime i feel a slight bit anxious or upset i just think back to all the wonderful things you guys shared with me and i remember that sangat here is so forgiving and loving so i dont need to feel depressed. Its a work in progress but you're right, life is a bunch of ups and downs and as long as i have sangat like you guys to turn to the downs will feel much less painful❤

If you dont mind I wanted to ask a question related to Gurbani im not sure if I should ask here or in another topic but will post here for now.

When I read Gurbani, Guru ji talks sometimes about manmukhs and the bad qualities they have. When i read these it makes me feel like they are talking directly to me and this makes me feel depressed too. Could it be that I am not worthy to be gurmukh or am I feeling guilt because of my past conditioning? I sometimes take hukamnana on the sikhnet app and Guru ji will give a hukamnama that is very stern, and when i see this it makes me sad because i feel like i have failed and Guru ji is not happy with me. Am i interpreting the message of the Guru in the wrong way? I spoke with a Gursikh the other day and he was talking about the shabad: main janiya vadhans hai ta main kiya sang, je jana bugh bapura ta janam na dei ang (apologies for bad spelling), and i have always felt like Guru ji is talking about me in the latter part of that shabad, but he told me that Guru ji is only talking about people who are big paapis that are murderers and stuff but pretend not to be. So my question is am i interpreting Gurbani in the wrong way?

Thank You for any replies!

 

[Singh375]

Thanks for letting us help. It takes courage to write about your personal life on a forum.

What even is depression? It just means you didn’t find happiness outside and now you feel upset. Gurbani tells us happiness is inside. A person at uni asked me why don’t you drink? I said this body is a temple not a graveyard.

Within this body is a hidden treasure.

You’re not interpreting anything wrong. You’re on a journey of finding true happiness (within). Gurbani is stern just like when your parents shout at you, they love you deep down, they’d sacrifice anything for you, but there’s a reason they shout (cos you didn’t listen the first time).

Sikh - What should I do Guru sahib?

Guru ji - jaap naam

Sikh - ok satbachan. 

We just can’t say satbachan, none of us can. That’s why Guru sahib have to be stern

[Not2Cool2Argue]

When I read Gurbani, Guru ji talks sometimes about manmukhs and the bad qualities they have. When i read these it makes me feel like they are talking directly to me and this makes me feel depressed too. Could it be that I am not worthy to be gurmukh or am I feeling guilt because of my past conditioning? I sometimes take hukamnana on the sikhnet app and Guru ji will give a hukamnama that is very stern, and when i see this it makes me sad because i feel like i have failed and Guru ji is not happy with me. Am i interpreting the message of the Guru in the wrong way? I spoke with a Gursikh the other day and he was talking about the shabad: main janiya vadhans hai ta main kiya sang, je jana bugh bapura ta janam na dei ang (apologies for bad spelling), and i have always felt like Guru ji is talking about me in the latter part of that shabad, but he told me that Guru ji is only talking about people who are big paapis that are murderers and stuff but pretend not to be. So my question is am i interpreting Gurbani in the wrong way?

About that Shabad Main Janiya Vadhans Hai that is about a situation. That you met a person and thought they were holy but they weren't. So it's a warning to associate with ppl who are good not just pretend to be.

But the other hukamnamey are like scolding to you. It is hard not to get sad when guruji is disappointed. But keep trying. I have found that if I have tried to be good and had a loving happy mindset while doing paath. Usually I get good hukamnamey. So keep going. Take the hukamnamey as a barometer. Telling you where you are. Hopefully they will point to some good place soon. 

[lostguy]

On 12/19/2021 at 9:42 PM, Singh375 said:

Thanks for letting us help. It takes courage to write about your personal life on a forum.

What even is depression? It just means you didn’t find happiness outside and now you feel upset. Gurbani tells us happiness is inside. A person at uni asked me why don’t you drink? I said this body is a temple not a graveyard.

Within this body is a hidden treasure.

You’re not interpreting anything wrong. You’re on a journey of finding true happiness (within). Gurbani is stern just like when your parents shout at you, they love you deep down, they’d sacrifice anything for you, but there’s a reason they shout (cos you didn’t listen the first time).

Sikh - What should I do Guru sahib?

Guru ji - jaap naam

Sikh - ok satbachan. 

We just can’t say satbachan, none of us can. That’s why Guru sahib have to be stern

 

On 12/23/2021 at 9:11 PM, Not2Cool2Argue said:

When I read Gurbani, Guru ji talks sometimes about manmukhs and the bad qualities they have. When i read these it makes me feel like they are talking directly to me and this makes me feel depressed too. Could it be that I am not worthy to be gurmukh or am I feeling guilt because of my past conditioning? I sometimes take hukamnana on the sikhnet app and Guru ji will give a hukamnama that is very stern, and when i see this it makes me sad because i feel like i have failed and Guru ji is not happy with me. Am i interpreting the message of the Guru in the wrong way? I spoke with a Gursikh the other day and he was talking about the shabad: main janiya vadhans hai ta main kiya sang, je jana bugh bapura ta janam na dei ang (apologies for bad spelling), and i have always felt like Guru ji is talking about me in the latter part of that shabad, but he told me that Guru ji is only talking about people who are big paapis that are murderers and stuff but pretend not to be. So my question is am i interpreting Gurbani in the wrong way?

About that Shabad Main Janiya Vadhans Hai that is about a situation. That you met a person and thought they were holy but they weren't. So it's a warning to associate with ppl who are good not just pretend to be.

But the other hukamnamey are like scolding to you. It is hard not to get sad when guruji is disappointed. But keep trying. I have found that if I have tried to be good and had a loving happy mindset while doing paath. Usually I get good hukamnamey. So keep going. Take the hukamnamey as a barometer. Telling you where you are. Hopefully they will point to some good place soon. 

 

Honestly since opening up to sangat on here so many positive things have happened to me and its allowed me to make some lifestyle changes and i have started to do nitnem again too. I have to thank you sangat ji and Guru ji. Just reading your guys messages make me feel like im not alone and can share anything here without judgement. Hopefully i can stay strong in this battle now but i know it will be tough.

Thank you so much for the replies above Singh375 and Not2Cool2Argue. I value your guys opinions and advice so much. Maybe i have been putting up resistance to what Guru ji is saying, i truly dont know, but what i do know is being able to hear your opinions makes me realise that maybe ive created thoughts that Guru ji might not like me or im not worthy. I get that these thoughts may be nonsense but i cant help it. I get judgemental or spiteful thoughts towards other people/gursikhs for many years (maybe because of my own feeling of being less than them) which I cannot control and it makes me feel sad that my mind could even come up with such gandh. What kind of advice could you give me to deal with these unwanted thoughts? Jaaps of certain banis? Or more simran? Its all a guessing game for me, hopefully you guys can shed some light.

Thank you!

 

 

[GurjantGnostic]

2 hours ago, lostguy said:

 

 

Honestly since opening up to sangat on here so many positive things have happened to me and its allowed me to make some lifestyle changes and i have started to do nitnem again too. I have to thank you sangat ji and Guru ji. Just reading your guys messages make me feel like im not alone and can share anything here without judgement. Hopefully i can stay strong in this battle now but i know it will be tough.

Thank you so much for the replies above Singh375 and Not2Cool2Argue. I value your guys opinions and advice so much. Maybe i have been putting up resistance to what Guru ji is saying, i truly dont know, but what i do know is being able to hear your opinions makes me realise that maybe ive created thoughts that Guru ji might not like me or im not worthy. I get that these thoughts may be nonsense but i cant help it. I get judgemental or spiteful thoughts towards other people/gursikhs for many years (maybe because of my own feeling of being less than them) which I cannot control and it makes me feel sad that my mind could even come up with such gandh. What kind of advice could you give me to deal with these unwanted thoughts? Jaaps of certain banis? Or more simran? Its all a guessing game for me, hopefully you guys can shed some light.

Thank you!

 

 

Fantastic bro. Har Kirpa!

[Not2Cool2Argue]

17 hours ago, lostguy said:

I get that these thoughts may be nonsense but i cant help it. I get judgemental or spiteful thoughts towards other people/gursikhs for many years (maybe because of my own feeling of being less than them) which I cannot control and it makes me feel sad that my mind could even come up with such gandh. What kind of advice could you give me to deal with these unwanted thoughts? Jaaps of certain banis? Or more simran? Its all a guessing game for me, hopefully you guys can shed some light.

Thank you!

 

 

It's good to hear you are doing better. Your starting to do nitnem hopefully will motivate me to start again as well. Sangat should be about uplifting each other. Seeing the Gunn in others should motivate us. That's why 'dekh ke undith kita' is part of ardaas. We should focus on the good in others. It's too easy to see the faults in others and use that as an excuse. 

Also remember you are not your thoughts. Thoughts come and go. If they are negative, that means ur mind has been fed a diet of negative things. And when we are becoming good, that's when thoughts are the worst, because all of that dirt that had settled deep is being beaten out. 

The best way to deal with thoughts is to be aware of them and laugh at them. If a thought comes, I am not worthy. We automatically put our emotions into it and feel sad. First be aware, that this is just a thought. Then counter it. I am not worthy yet but guruji is doing kirpa and will make me worthy. Then immediately do a Jaap. Choose a shabaad, I suggest mool mantar but any that u like. Do that until u forget again. Another thought comes, all Sikhs are so fake. Realize it's just a thought and counter it. Just because I feel fake, my mind is projecting this. Laugh because the mind is so simplistic like a jealous child yet so devious. 

 

The above is daily, minute by minute practice. The best prevention is to feed our mind good things. Gurbani of course. But also other  inspiring things. I would suggest katha and reading sikhi books in English or panjabi. Vidhia.com has many books. I suggest bhai vir singh, se kineyha by bhai Hannah singh rampurkehera or books by raghbir singh bir. Katha you can listen to on YouTube anyone from basics of sikhi to sant maskeen ji.

 

[lostguy]

On 12/29/2021 at 4:18 PM, Not2Cool2Argue said:

It's good to hear you are doing better. Your starting to do nitnem hopefully will motivate me to start again as well. Sangat should be about uplifting each other. Seeing the Gunn in others should motivate us. That's why 'dekh ke undith kita' is part of ardaas. We should focus on the good in others. It's too easy to see the faults in others and use that as an excuse. 

Also remember you are not your thoughts. Thoughts come and go. If they are negative, that means ur mind has been fed a diet of negative things. And when we are becoming good, that's when thoughts are the worst, because all of that dirt that had settled deep is being beaten out. 

The best way to deal with thoughts is to be aware of them and laugh at them. If a thought comes, I am not worthy. We automatically put our emotions into it and feel sad. First be aware, that this is just a thought. Then counter it. I am not worthy yet but guruji is doing kirpa and will make me worthy. Then immediately do a Jaap. Choose a shabaad, I suggest mool mantar but any that u like. Do that until u forget again. Another thought comes, all Sikhs are so fake. Realize it's just a thought and counter it. Just because I feel fake, my mind is projecting this. Laugh because the mind is so simplistic like a jealous child yet so devious. 

 

The above is daily, minute by minute practice. The best prevention is to feed our mind good things. Gurbani of course. But also other  inspiring things. I would suggest katha and reading sikhi books in English or panjabi. Vidhia.com has many books. I suggest bhai vir singh, se kineyha by bhai Hannah singh rampurkehera or books by raghbir singh bir. Katha you can listen to on YouTube anyone from basics of sikhi to sant maskeen ji.

 

Thank you bro. You're 100% correct, we should all be uplifting each other since everyone in our community seems to be so judgmental.

Your advice on thoughts has been super helpful. I chose a shabad a few days before the new year and have been reciting it often to give myself a reminder. Although I am still getting stupid thoughts here and there, i'm learning to just ignore them and not pay attention to them, this in turn has kinda reduced them aswell but the battle goes on.

Im still focusing on doing my nitnem daily and I can tell this is having an affect on me, to a point where I am getting a blissful feeling. I cannot explain the feeling but it feels soooooooo familiar (can you guys relate?) like I know ive felt like this before but then I dont recall a time in my life where i ever felt like that before. Its weird. I think it might be that because our true form is God i am starting to remember this true form? I dont want to jump to conclusions i am definitely no where near finding God but just to sit in the gurdwara and get this feeling is such a blessing.

I can only thank the Guru and the sangat here who have shared their experiences with me and I pray each one of you is blessed

One thing i have to say is that it remains in the back of my mind that at any given moment i can fall off from this path again like i have so many times before, and that is scary for me because i really want this to be the time where i finally commit forever to Sikhi and hopefully one day I can go pesh to panj pyare before retaking amrit. But my fear of falling off again is holding me back from doing this.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

On 1/7/2022 at 3:48 PM, lostguy said:

 

One thing i have to say is that it remains in the back of my mind that at any given moment i can fall off from this path again like i have so many times before, and that is scary for me because i really want this to be the time where i finally commit forever to Sikhi and hopefully one day I can go pesh to panj pyare before retaking amrit. But my fear of falling off again is holding me back from doing this.

Good to hear from you.

It's wonderful the difference gurbani makes.

About your fear about falling off the path. Thats actually a good thing. It's a hard lesson to learn. That sikhi is not to be taken for granted. That it is not in our hands. Its the first step on the path to letting go of ego. Turn fear into gratitude. For now ur into sikhi, Thank mahraj, because to get out of mental issues and avoid maya is not easy. He helped you out. 

And if you fall off again, remember it's bhana. God's will. Each time you fall, you will learn something new. Just make sure to rise again. 

For now enjoy the high. It's amazing how life can be blissful

Chardi Kala! 

 

[GurjantGnostic]

@lostguy

How are you bro?