My friend needs advice, VERY IMPORTANT!!!

[singhnee~22]

i think u sohuld get ur friend to do alot of simran, as simran helps in any sort of situatin.

tell him/her to do ardaas for his/her dad and to help his/her family.

sit down as a family and disscuss problems...if u dont they could get even more seriouse.

i hope this helps, im sure the sangat has better ways to give u advice though

[sher_panjabi]

vwihgurU jI kw Kwlsw!

vwihgurU jI kI &iqh!!

We as Panjabis have a habit of hiding everything under the carpet or not telling people our problems.

However just like a pateela (pot) with boiling water... if put the lid on and keep it on... the lid will explode sooner or later - so its better to take the lid off and let the steam go slowly and gently.

"A problem shared is a problem halved"

First of all - Ardaas and Hukamnaama - as Sikhs we speak and get advice through Guru Ji through Ardaas and Hukamnama - so that would be a start.

I think your friend's family should get someone (a third party) involved - someone who the dad looks up to or respects or whose authority he accepts... so it could be grandparents, a relative, friend or gurdwara giani ji or someone.

Get this person to mediate.... discuss "Kee gal hai ghar de vich..."

Get everyone to talk - like a family meeting... good and bad - share (while being managed and moderated by the third party).

Simran is good as well - as that gives us strength and Kirpa (Waheguroo's Grace)... however the grace and strength will ONLY work through us or people... so we need action

Those are my humble suggestions

Food for thought

[smartsingh24]

Your friend needs some type of mediation between the two parties (i.e. dad vs. everyone else). Age might be a factor, and there shouldn't be any unnecessary contact or roughness. Most of all, your friend should keep their mouth shut, not in the fact that he has a problem, but in the fact that you don't want to start shooting of your mouth in front of what seems to be a psychologically and emotionally perturbed individual.

[robyn]

You were doing soo well with the he/she and his/her up until the last line... "My friend did opologise to his/her dad, and the dad completly ignored HIM, jst carried on watching TV!....newayz it doesnt matter who this is...it just takes a bit of time for parents to cool off after something like this happens. A sincere attempt at an apology should be made by the individual even though that individual was not totally at fault...if that doesn't seem to work then I agree that a mediator should be called or maybe the issues at hand can be discussed during a family meeting.

[Ikonkar Kaur]

i think u sohuld get ur friend to do alot of simran, as simran helps in any sort of situatin.

tell him/her to do ardaas for his/her dad and to help his/her family.

sit down as a family and disscuss problems...if u dont they could get even more seriouse.

i hope this helps, im sure the sangat has better ways to give u advice though

i agree with singhnee22, naam simran can fix anything.

[Heera Singh]

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh..!!

WOW..!! I am very surprised that he didn't do nethin after the father hit his sister and his mom... that shows a lot of self-control..... personally if that was my dad hitting my momz and/or my sister... i woulda knocked him out... i do NOT stand for ne of that abuse crap... these dayz indian men think they can do whatever they want... simran DOES help... but i don't understand why HE apologized to his dad? what did he do wrong? that just makes the dad think he's right for what he did... well regardless... some serious talking has to be done... and the dad should know he was WRONG for what he did... i don't care what nebody says... hitting your wife or ur daughter.. wow.. way WAY crossing the line... i don't think i woulda had the self control to not strike back...

.... vaheguru.. vaheguru... vaheguru..........

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh..!!

[Guest Sony]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

I think the first question is does this happen often? Depending on this you would have to take different steps. I agree that Simran is a very good idea. Maybe having Sukhmani Sahib dhe paath for 24 hours...

Secondly... especially with Indian people, its hard to tell them that they are wrong. Usually what helps is if someone who is close to this person, or is able to talk to them, show them another example, or for example, say that what if your sister's husband hit her, you would be very angry because it is wrong, and what u need to understand that what u r doing is not very different. They usually start to think more, not of their own situation but that they would not be able to say nething to neone else, if they make the same mistake. So try to show by example if u can.

sometimes, putting on a movie with the same situation in the plot helps.. cus the person then sees what they themselves must look like... or if they make a comment on the movie, u can use that as an opening to talk about this.. cus at this point everyone is calm and watching the movie...

again Sukhmani Sahib is really good to do, it brings so much peace. also the shabad

iblwvlu mhlw 5 ]

bilaaval mehalaa 5 ||

Bilaaval, Fifth Mehl:<

/i>

qwqI vwau n lgeI pwrbRhm srxweI ]

thaathee vaao n lagee paarabreham saranaaee ||

The hot wind does not even touch one who is under the Protection of the Supreme Lord God.

cauigrd hmwrY rwm kwr duKu lgY n BweI ]1]

chougiradh hamaarai raam kaar dhukh lagai n bhaaee ||1||

On all four sides I am surrounded by the Lord's Circle of Protection; pain does not afflict me, O Siblings of Destiny. ||1||

siqguru pUrw ByitAw ijin bxq bxweI ]

sathigur pooraa bhaettiaa jin banath banaaee ||

I have met the Perfect True Guru, who has done this deed.

rwm nwmu AauKDu dIAw eykw ilv lweI ]1] rhwau ]

raam naam aoukhadhh dheeaa eaekaa liv laaee ||1|| rehaao ||

He has given me the medicine of the Lord's Name, and I enshrine love for the One Lord. ||1||Pause||

rwiK lIey iqin rKnhwir sB ibAwiD imtweI ]

raakh

leeeae thin rakhanehaar sabh biaadhh mittaaee ||

The Savior Lord has saved me, and eradicated all my sickness.

khu nwnk ikrpw BeI pRB Bey shweI ]2]15]79]

kahu naanak kirapaa bhee prabh bheae sehaaee ||2||15||79||

Says Nanak, God has showered me with His Mercy; He has become my help and support. ||2||15||79||

Hope Waheguru Ji works everything out for the best.

pul chuk maaf

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

[Jaspaul Singh]

I swear ive came across many of these arrogant men .. like Heera singh said ...

i woulda knocked him out...

I wouldve prob done the same thing... some of these men (also many present in my own family) need a serious beating then only they will let go of their ego, pride and arrogance...

But also Sony has made some good points, that we should also try to talk to him first ... but yaa... if that doesnt work sstill.....

............................

:nihungsmile:

[AK-47]

Just a few points,

firstly dnt rush around getting other people involved, if you do your going to make things worse. The last thing the father would want is to have his besti done publcaly and although some of us think this would help it doesnt, all that happens is that when that 3rd person leaves, the father is even more angry and guess who it gets taken out on... prob not the kids but usually on the mother when she home alone etc

the guy doesnt sound like a serial wife beater, so dnt get carried away, of course its wrong, but you have to deal with it in the right scope of things. he may have been really mad at something and stuff just sparked him off, obviously still wrong, but is vastly different from an alcoholic or serious wife/child beater.

and for the people that said you would beat your dad up... no you wouldnt. if u did you would hate yourself for the rest of your life. trust me on that one. have a look what guru ji says about ur parents. about the respect we should have for them?

this is something i often struggle with myself, but then we need to think are we better than our parents that we feel we can judge them or even beat them as suggested above? of course its wrong when parents act in this way, just like its wrong when i pick on people and when i hit people. for those of you who have had a fully blown argument with your parents where you have said things which were wrong (even though the point u may be making is correct) will now how nasty u feel afterwards for speaking to the people who have don so much for u in that way. their entire life revolves around u, it is so easy to shatter their hearts.

respect to the guy for aplogising to his father,

its good to show respect, as for him watching tv and ignoring the child... well have u never done that before, where u ignore the person because your either still angry or embarassed.

although reluctanly the only advice i would suggest is to try and speak to the father one on one. calmy and slowly, saying how he doesnt want to disrespect his father in any way but he feels it was wrong, and try and find out why he was so angry etc.

dnt add fuel to the fire, otherwise it gets too difficult to control.