I was actually worried a little about the potential daughter in law and just the other day they were talking how happy they would be to have a daughter in law to help out around the house and how much they would enjoy taking care of potential grandchildren. I was immediately imagining this imaginary wife getting into some argument with my parents about taking care of the child and then my parents coming to me to pick sides.
I think one way of preventing the resentment and hatred from building up is to just dive all into the affection and love for them and to do as much as I can to make the situation better rather than letting it go off. It may hurt a lot if things don't workout but that's a necessary risk to change the relationship so much from where it is now to a healthy positive relationship.
If these next few months don't workout, this will basically be the backup option. There's a big family cost to you and your future generations for moving out and starting again on your own as well as your immediate family. Ideally, if a family can stick together and work together in a healthy way as a team unit and not harm each other, they can easily become a big success and lay the foundations for success for all future generations. The goal is now to see if everything can workout if I really make a full effort.
I don't intend to deceive them or lie to them at all. I want to be honest with them fully and tell what I think atleast once. I have been thinking how I should tell them in the best way possible where I'm still saying everything I want to say and their potential negative reactions are minimized. I keep rehearsing in my head because then even if everyone gets very emotionally reactive, I will be less likely to react in the same way and make the situation worse.
I don't think they would ever go for family therapy or want to involve a third person and I wouldn't want that either. I plan on talking to them soon properly sharing my concerns but not telling them of my intent to move out ( I think I will type up what I plan on saying formally and seek for some final advice on parts of the good draft before going in). I don't want them to change for fear of me moving out as that's not rooted in a healthy place, nor do I want them to think I'm blackmailing them. The biggest points I'd talk to them about changing is the constant fighting/arguing they do daily with each other and sometimes with us. Then I'd also want to set boundaries properly where they stop dumping their emotional problems onto me or have me pick sides in their arguments, or try to have me help them sort out their emotional problems and then simultaneously treat me like an infant. But if I could just have one thing out of all of it I'd want some space and privacy in the house where I don't hear any sound coming from the rest of the house, no tv, no phonecalls, no arguing. .Just somewhere I can go to be alone undisturbed if they're not in a good mood. Someplace I can just go and sit with my mind and do some simran or reflection to find that happiness within. That's the biggest reason I want to move out. To have some quiet place where I can live in this peace. Sometimes I just sit in the washroom for like half an hour with the fan on cause that takes away a good bit of noise, and I just slow my mind down and sit with myself and focus internally. Within the first 10 minutes usually, the worst of the feelings are fading away and my mind starts to slow down and peace starts to come in. All it takes to feel better for me after a bad day is usually this or 20 minutes of simran before I go to sleep. I usually meditate before sleep cause I sleep the latest of everyone and so everyone else is asleep by then. That makes it much quieter and peaceful late at night but it's been screwing up my sleep schedule and productivity lately and I don't think are bodies are naturally meant to be nocturnal and so now I'm trying to fix that. With living at home right now, there isn't enough quietness or peace in the house throughout the day where I can focus fully on the simran or other habits I'm trying to build secretly but there's a small window of hours at night where I can do my simran, workout, work on some skills and be done my personal routine and most of my daily productivity before everyone even gets up or can know. I can overcome the negativity and draining effect because this routine is so energizing and powerful. Maybe I can have more space/quiet by fixing my routine and so maybe I won't have to move out, and maybe life can be good for everyone more often if I had enough energy to overpower my parent's energy and let that influence them positively like theirs influenced me negatively. Maybe they could change for the better. However, I feel like I wasted my entire day if I'm unable to get up early for a day because I missed the golden hours and the rest day is all off without that starting power boost. I've also noticed I'm usually much happier when I'm alone with my siblings and our parents are out somewhere and they're usually much happier too. That's when we usually can relax and really let go and have the most fun, like ordering pizza and watching a movie or some tv show. I also want my parents to stop sharing things to others about my life (partly why I'm trying to build a secret routine), but I'd even more prefer if no one knew at all, because just having someone know of some good thing or quality or routine you have takes away from it and it's exponentially more worse if they tell others which they do by habit. I have hope for change, so I'm going to fix my routine and have a talk with my parents soon to see if we can make things work and see if things can change. I really want to spend time with my siblings and have a good relationship with my parents and have a good family environment overall so I will do the best I can. However, I am still making all the preparations for M-day(moving day) a few months away as a backup and my parents will have until then to show progress or otherwise I am out. In the absolute worst case, it's just a few more bad months of making my best effort and in the best case, the family improves and becomes whole.
The rest is in guru sahib's hands. I am going to gurduwara sahib this weekend and will take the morning parkash hukamana they usually have on the tv screen as my personal hukamana and do ardaas for everything to work out. Again thank you all for your advice. It helps clear up and organize my thoughts sharing them here with you and helps prevent me from making big lifelong mistakes and handle the situation better.
the way they quote Dhadriwale shows just what a stooge he is and how desperate the Godimedia is to destroy trust in sikhs . main mission of the culprits has always been to destroy the confidence and peace of mind of the sikhs by attacking their isht/ their Guru; Nihangs have reminded panth that we will not tolerate such things and most sikhs agree that they do the right thing , the only complainers are fake -sikhs/comrades/missionaries/ hindus with agenda; heck even Muslims agree with nihangs as do some sane brahmins