here's a poem I made about my journey to sikhi......
I had everything but still wanted more
screaming, crying my heart was sore
I'd explain but nobody could understand
just get back to normal they'd demand
my friends told me its just a faze it'll go away
but to me it felt as if it had full plans to stay
the problem to me was unknown
maybe my anxiety had over grown
I took on all the advice
id made notes and sometimes even ask twice
days, weeks ,months went by
all my strengths were gone, I couldn't even cry
go home and rest my teacher would say
i'd leave the classroom hoping id get run over on the way
I could clearly see what I needed
some peace of mind I pleaded
everyone gave up on me, myself included
the idea of 'all will be fin' was deluded
every 4 a.m. I'd be awake
this was serious my life was at stake
i'd be idle and just lay there
what did I do to deserve this its not fair!
it became a routine until on sunday
everything was dark and gloomy and I had a urge to pray
I sat down, legs folded, and heard myself repeat a name
waheguru waheguru I said as I had all about its fame
suddenly there was an energy in me that I could feel
the worries I had in my mind it would steal
unexpectedly the doorbell rang
quickly I opened my eyes and in my heart I felt a bang
the day ended and the night was pitch dark
everything was silent today and not even the dog would bark
The remaining day I felt a unique sensation
it was as if I was a new creation
In the morning there was a change
I was up at amrit vela doing nitnem it was strange
From a young age japji sahib and chaupai sahib I commonly recited
To learn the remaining 3 to complete my nitnem I was extremely excited
I knew it was difficult but I had to learn
to reach my goal I knew I had to be firm
You only had to take one step towards the guru I heard,
in return he's fly to you like a bird
I was so eager instead of steps I leaped
the Guru played his part too and the pains from my path he sweaped
From the inside and out I felt a change
negative with positive thoughts I exchanged
in what colour glasses I wanted to see the world was my choice
So all I did was searched inside me for the Gurus voice
All he preached was righteousness, love and bravery
It freed me from my evil self, for whom I did slavery
I felt the was my father and I his child
I was so peaceful and I couldn't help but smiled
taking amrit was now the next step
being part of the khalsa would be something id be proud to repp
the process of getting it all sorted was so easy and fast
after finding out I was amritdhari , are you sure ? my friends and family asked
I showed them my kara and said i'm handcuffed now theres no going back
nobody still understood me but I knew I had got my life on track
Without fear on my head was a keski that I tied
I wore it happily with honour and pride
I have faith that by choosing good over bad it cant go wrong
now all I pray for is to stay strong......